My 2-year Anniversary + Deal Breaker List

Today is my 2-yr anniversary with German. Some of you followed our courtship from day one (Under his Umbrella)–where, for legal purposes, (I didn’t want him to press charges if we didn’t make it to date #2 and read that I wrote about him) I referred to him as Santiago. This won’t be a love is all we need post or how I have cultivated the perfect relationship because truth be told, we have had a roller-coaster of a ride, as do all the other real couples.

But still, to date, German remains one of my favorite people to be around. I can be 100% myself and when he’s at his goofiest, I know he’s operating from authenticity. And I often think, “Had I not given up my “deal-breaker” list, I may not have ever given him a chance.” Here were some of the things on that deal-breaker list: (don’t judge)

1. Must be in a creative profession
2. Must live alone–no roommates
3. Must be “out” to his entire family

In these two years, German has started his freelance photography career–and just last night was adding new buttons to his website. Not only has he gotten creative, he’s learned coding like a hot nerd! We’re now living together so no roommates in the mix (and it’s f*ucked up that my deal breaker list mentioned roommates because I had one at the time). How many of you have something on your list that you yourself are doing? And it was at the airport in Odessa, TX, both waiting for our return flight back from my dad’s funeral in June of 2011, that German called his parents in Mexico and came out. (I have the video footage) It’s juicy yet  endearing.

Looking back at that list–my top three deal breakers seemed real and important at the time. Just as real as your own dating deal-breaker list seems to be as you wave it around saying, “Mine is real Nando, yours was a stupid hot mess!” And I “get it”. Because of my past experiences with certain guys that had those aspects, I didn’t want a “repeat” of my past.

Each guy with their own issue caused me much heartache (not being out: I had to hide when his family came over unexpected or spending my holidays alone because I wasn’t allowed to come along) or confusion (not being creative: they never understood my passion for writing and entertaining and it cause chaos and misunderstandings in the relationships which eventually ended because they were threatened I’d meet someone creative “like me” and leave them–when in reality, their insecurities caused them to cheat…and the end result was me leaving anyways).

When we create our dating deal-breaker list, we’re dragging our past into our future–remember, some-if not all-of our deal breakers are based on past experiences–and that will never function in a relationship. Instead, become a better person and realize thats it’s about creating a new possibility for yourself and allowing the person you’re about to meet to be themselves and allowing them to shine. And maybe, just maybe–those things that once bothered you or felt would keep you from entering a mature and loving relationship might disappear/change/transform on their own, but not because you made demands on your partner, but because your partner just might have thrown away their own deal-breaker list when meeting you causing them to become a better person too.

I love you German and thanks for being present on my continuous journey of transformation.

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9 thoughts on “My 2-year Anniversary + Deal Breaker List

  • February 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm
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    Nando, this is SO true! So often we get too caught up in the dealbreakers we just aren’t open to a real, flawed-but-fantastic human being entering our lives. And come on, we ain’t so perfect ourselves!

    Happy anniversary to you and German! No one ever said it was “easy,” but if it were easy, maybe we wouldn’t value it so much. :)
    singlegirlie´s last blog post ..Free Condoms and Lube! Seriously!

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  • February 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm
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    I agree with leaving one’s dealbreakers aside. I only had four, and after spending a good amount of time with my platonic boyfriend, I realized that three of them were not worth keeping, either because it was something I need anyway, or they were too subjective. The only one I still have, an active faith in God, is the only thing that I want in a guy. Everything else are details we can work through together. :)

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  • February 23, 2012 at 3:10 pm
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    awwwww congrats Nando, you do make a lovely couple. Deal breakers do get in the way, especially as we get older and wiser – although in this case it may be stupid, as deal breakers are limiting. We know what we want, or better, we think we know what we don’t want and that’s how the list of no-nos grows and grows.
    Jessie in Fashion Limbo´s last blog post ..David Koma A/W 2012 at London Fashion Week

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  • February 23, 2012 at 6:30 pm
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    Congrats!

    yes. sometimes you have to look over your deal breakers. however, they are your deal breakers for a reason!

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  • February 23, 2012 at 11:40 pm
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    Felicidades muchachos. I love the story and I love your honesty and appreciation for German. :) *swoon*
    besos a los dos traviesos!
    xo

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  • February 25, 2012 at 10:00 am
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    I need to update my deal breakers, I’m not sure I ever really had a list hmmm. This is awesome Nando yay to you both!!

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    • March 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm
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      Thanks sweetie! Let’s plan a get together soon!

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