3 Ways to Deal with Anger and Your Husband

dealing with anger issues

You can take this advice and apply it to your spouse, friends, or colleagues. It will work in any situation but there is a level of wanting to work it through on your behalf in order for this to work. If you’re looking for ways to play victim or point all fingers at them — this is not for you. This is for real people seeking real solutions on dealing with your anger and your spouse/husband.

1. Have compassion and realize that they are probably kicking themselves for the exact same reason you’re mad. It might not come as natural to remember certain likes or several of your dislikes. Or it might be that they are careless with money and are truly trying hard to budget. Realize that if there is an area they are struggling with, they may be afraid or insecure to ask for help since you slip into anger mode so easily. Don’t excuse their behavior but try a little compassion–it will go a long way. Besides, don’t you want the same in return? You’re not perfect. Ouch!

2. Take a step back and ask, is this really the issue? Many times we lash out in situations and we’ve been bubbling with anger or resentment for days, weeks, even years. Get to the bottom of things. Are the dishes in the sink really the issue or is it that you feel disrespected because you’ve explained how this is bothersome and you still encounter a cup and dirty spoon once or twice a month? Uncovering the root will help with resolution–but it takes some self examination and self awareness, you can do it. You’d want them to also do this instead of going all Tyra Banks on you for eating the last Nestle ice cream crunch bar.

3. Realize there is a price of admission in relationships. In the real world, there is no perfect person and there is no “settling down” without “settling for.” Come to realize that you both have flaws and deal with them. Is he the sweetest, caring, and loving person who just happens to leave his shoes all over the apartment? Deal with it. Is he always there for you when you need someone and has your back no matter what, yet leaves dishes in the sink? Oh well. (Notice I’ve thrown in dishes in the sink twice? Sorry, babe) In the real world of relationships there is no fairy tale ending, just the one where two people put in work to make it another day. Some days are fun and amazing while others may be dreadful and full of yucky stuff. You just have to decide what’s the price of admission in your relationship and the sooner you do, the faster you can get on with your fun times.

3 Tips When Dealing with a Stubborn Shih Tzu

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Leona is your quintessential Shih Tzu puppy in that she has that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide side to her. When she wants a treat she brims with sweetness and flips those Shih Tzu puppy eyes into over drive but when my husband and I are out and about with her –she will decide that her boots are no longer made for walking and refuses to move then proceeds to  plop down on the sidewalk/grass and turns to stone.  It’s the equivalent of a 2-year old huffing and puffing. Leona has mastered the art of going down stairs but looks deep into space when asked to go the opposite direction. She stands at the foot of the steps looking up as if to say, ” Why aren’t you picking me up–it’s obvious that you want us to go up the stairs now?” In dealing with her for two years now, I’ve learned to do 3 things that help me keep things into perspective.

  1. Realizing Shih Tzu’s aren’t going to change. We’ve put in countless hours of training and even gone to classes, where of course, she’s the teacher’s pet. We leave the class celebrating, only to get home and have her revert back to old ways. It’s the classic, “Ha, I fooled you!” routine. Listen, she’s treated like a princess has taken over our bed. She’s not going to change–the sooner we realize it, the better life will be.
  2. Realizing Shih Tzu’s are blessing us with their presence. There is nothing she could ever do that would make me go off on her. Did I mention she tore up our un-filed tax papers the month we got her? It took us 3 hours and several hundreds of dollars to get our taxes done and in one flick of my camera app at work, I noticed white snow-like material scattered throughout our living room. Leona went to town shredding away our 2013 existence. I showed my boss and ran out of work to find no trace of our papers–only Leona adding fiber to her diet. I took a few deeps breaths, snap for Snapchats and Instagrammed the entire episode.
  3. Realizing Shih Tzu’s are only here for a small amount of time. All pets have a limited time and since having her, we’ve met several other Shih Tzu owners. In recent months, one of her older friends passed away. This realization was never “real” for us until that day. We used that situation to set the tone for how we would continue to treat Leona — the love of our lives, treat her like a furry angel on Earth.

We do discipline her as in to let her know not to eat things off the kitchen floor or when it’s time to sleep when she’s as energetic as Donald Trump at a KKK rally. We want to make sure she has a happy life and that she knows she’s loved. We travel with her everywhere and we plan on adding more training. But in the meantime, she has us trained pretty well.

 

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New Vlog Series: Nando & German

gay married coupleEven before German and I got married, we tend to keep our lives private but there are some aspects that we don’t mind sharing with our friends and family as husbands in Brooklyn. We think it would be fun to share this video journey with you, especially since we have Leona, the best Shih Tzu puppy ever! These adventures will probably all revolve around her and her friends. Several of her Shih Tzu puppy friends are rescues so it’s great to see how behavioral problems aren’t an issue for these pet owners that shower their pets with love.

Leona the Lion

I wanted to do this because I wanted to showcase how normal we are as a married gay couple. Yes, we are husbands, but we have the same life anyone else does. We worry about the bills, who’s going to take out the garbage and scream and yell when the toothpaste cap isn’t put back on. So I dare anyone to see this series and claim our “gay lifestyle” is different. It’s just our life. We just happen to be gay husbands in Brooklyn with a Shih Tzu named Leona the Lion.

Below is the 3rd installment of our video series, Leona goes to an all Shih Tzu birthday party to celebrate her friends Honey and Quinn’s birthday. It was action packed with all these New York City puppies running around but so much fun. As always at these events, there is a dog birthday cake that sits on the dog side of the snack table and for humans, there are a few nibbles for us too.

What I think of How You Use Social Media – Get a Clue

Facebook nosey

Post By: Celinda

I get at least three new Facebook friend requests daily and it’s usually from someone I’ve never met but we share numerous “friends” in common. I used to accept all of them–after all, that’s what social is all about.  My social strategy on Facebook has been consistently the same for many years: Post cute kid pics and updates that I find hilarious of the crazy things that say and do.  This social channel is the only one that most of my family follows me on and I like it that way, which aligns to the reason why I talk about my twins. I’m not a parent that is super scared of the internet and have chronicled their lives since 2008.

I used to also post my professional accomplishments and brag about my team’s efforts but I  rarely do this anymore, as my wall tends to be filled with one person after an another talking about a client or a project they’re working on. I quickly realized that maybe we all don’t really care about the conference we’re speaking at or the project you championed internally that got three likes Facebook and retweeted twice.  Mostly, I noticed that my “friends” aren’t really friends but people I’ve collected that truly don’t know me but are busy creating opinions of me.

Because of the above, I’ve become super guarded and not the real me.  So much that when people meet me IRL, they expect to meet someone else.  At what point did I start curating my life so carefully that I started to give off a different vibe and that these so-called friends, started sharing their opinions with me.

There was that one HR professional that people pay to speak at conferences that called me a “loose woman” for standing by Planned Parenthood. Or that other vile recruiter that attacked me (and many others) for making a Glassdoor list.  Or the Branding professional, that decided while outing a “bully” she’d include me in the drama. And recently two executive level recruiting professionals who decided to attack me for standing with the #blacklivesmatter movement.

At what point do I say enough is enough?

For me that is today! I will no longer accept invitations on Facebook if we have never met in IRL. I will no longer tolerate hatred, negativity and socially inept people.  While we are connected and you likely have a different opinion than me, use your wall to share your viewpoints, don’t throw me in the mix. Trust that I am scrolling on by yours, shaking my head but with nothing to add, mainly because, I don’t know you and don’t care enough to debate your thoughts. Find a REAL friend, pick up the phone and rant but keep that shit off my wall.

Peace Out.

The Spark: Taylor Swift Kim Kardashian Feud, Transgender Dating, & The Republican Convention

This week Celinda and I dove straight into the Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian scandal. It’s true, Kim lives her live according to likes, comments and views — but there’s something about how she rallies a crowd around her social presence that can’t be denied. And as socially savvy Taylor comes across, the way she handled the clap-back, if you can call it that–was pretty amateur.

Also on the show was the rare case of how Celinda was approached by someone transgender on Tinder. What was her response? You’ll be proud for sure!

The Spark Podcast brings you resident Psychic, Yolanda Shosana who gave us our 1st weekend reading and if you need a summary, the word for the weekend is YES! You want a personal reading from Shoshi? Click here, don’t delay!

Tune in to LIVE on Friday’s @ 10am or subscribe to us on iTunes here or listen below.

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