10 Men & Their Professions to Avoid Dating

In nature, there comes a time when a baby bird, tender and delicate, must test its wings and learn to fly. The outcome is never known–to us, the bird, or the sidewalk it crashes and burns into because it “just wasn’t time”. Humans have a similar moment; it’s called dating. And although we can dust ourselves off after a bad date and try again–there have been times we too–crash and burn. Was it chemistry? Their looks? The food they ordered? No, it was their profession.

In order to save you much time, mascara and heartache, I’ve compiled a list of men and their professions you should avoid dating and why. Trust me–”been there, done that!”

10 Men & Their Professions to Avoid Dating

10. Never Date The Rodeo Clown: He’ll make you pay for dinner and still want sex all the while screaming, “C’mon baby, do it for ‘Ol Smokey.” And don’t let those big shoes fool ya!

9. Never Date The Pediatrician: He’ll steal your thunder no matter what career you have as he brags about the number of children’s lives he’s saved. Order another round, at least you know he’s picking up the tab. Who needs ‘em?

8. Never Date The Art Gallery Owner: This one is a real piece of work. He’ll dominate the entire conversation with travels, people he knows and his lame definition of art. Then after you agree to go home with him to his Chelsea apartment and loose yourself in drunk passionless sex–you find out that his roommate, who is cuter, doesn’t want to join.

7. Never Date The Massage Therapist: They trick you into dating them because you think he’ll massage you at the drop of the hat when in reality they’re so sick of massaging strangers all day that all you get is a peck on the cheek and a pinch on the butt.

6. Never Date The Non-Profit Worker: Self-explanatory.

5. Never Date The Fashion Guru: He will make you so self-conscious no matter what you’re wearing that you can’t focus on the date. Even if Valentino himself styled you for the evening, this guy is constantly bashing everyone’s “look” that you can’t help but get drunk, order the steak and comment on how Versace wasn’t really “all that”.

4. Never Date The Broadway Musical Director: Jesus, why? For this date, you have to already show up drunk. And if you don’t know who Stephen Sondheim is–you WILL by the end of the night. And don’t even think about getting a word in–he’ll either be singing something Sondheim, explaining how Shrek the Musical isn’t really a musical, or trying to get you to his apartment to see his “big piano”. The piano will be big, but it’ll need some tuning up–trust me!

3. Never Date The Wall Street Banker: In the past, these guys were mean, tough, and dominating–just how I like them. But since the Stock Market Crash–they’ve shriveled up into low self-esteem teenagers who can’t stop looking at their Blackberry’s for market tips. And, they’ll “milk” that market crash until you agree to pay for half of the date. “How Rude!”

2. Never Date The Engineer: You could eat a pound of sugar, huff lighter fluid and smoke crack and this guy would still be the most boring date ever. His version of small talk is explaining the wonders of rewiring a telephone pole. To get yourself through this–have a friend call you and say your apartment is on fire an hour after you meet. This will give you enough time to eat a few appetizers, nosh on your main dish and get out before dessert. It’s the only way to do it.

1. Never Date The Comedian: This guy is never as funny as his YouTube videos. He asks you out but part of the date is watching him perform at some skank comedy club where the waitresses look like crack whores and the manager like Danny DeVito. You’re finally set to see him on stage except he bombs and you spend the rest of the evening cheering him up and inflating his ego. And after all that–he doesn’t even want to sleep with you…and three weeks later while searching the web, you discover his new routine is all about you. Oy! Only thing worse is dating a blogger who will then write about it. (Revenge is the best medicine)

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