What’s Missing in Your Dating Life?

We once thought the world was flat–then it wasn’t.

We once thought that having a mental disorder was due to being possessed by evil spirits–then it wasn’t.

We once thought that certain class of people should be slaves–then we didn’t.

We once thought that  witches were among us in Salem–then we found out it was just the yeast.

We once thought that being born with a disfigurement was a punishment from God–then it wasn’t.

We once thought Kathy Lee Gifford was the shiznit–then we didn’t–now we do again.

What about your dating life/relationships will you look back at and say, “Oh, I guess that wasn’t it after all?”

The fact is, with all the above theories, there was a certain amount of “crowd think” at play. Which is the simplest form of  giving away the ability to think for yourself and conform to everyone else’s way, instead. When you go against the grain and do what’s right for you, you get a Steve Jobs, a Bill Gates, a Mark Zuckerberg way of thinking.Mistakes will always be made–that’s what makes us human, but do we learn the lesson better if the mistake was made from your own thought process vs crowd think?

When it comes to dating–who’s rules are you following? No sex until the 3rd date? Or Sex is okay after the 2nd hour?

My question stands: What about your dating life/relationships will you look back at and say, “Oh, I guess that wasn’t it after all?”

Success Mantra for Women

This is an open letter, prayer, mantra to all the women in the world today. (and anyone else who has boobs)

I hope your Thursday is amazeballs and in case no one as told you as of yet–you are pretty fabulous, you know that?!

Let’s rock this Thursday with the wisdom of who ever discovered you can slaughter a cow and pick it about for hamburgers and ribs. It’s that creative ingenuity that I wish upon you. It’s that spirit of, “Let’s take this living creature and rip its life out in order to raise our cholesterol levels to an all-time high!” I want nothing more for you than to feel the energy of our forefathers who had the foresight to see up-ahead and not just what was before them.

May you tackle your problems with the same pizazz and spontaneous factor the early Mexican settlers displayed, for if it wasn’t for them, we WOULD NOT have 3 things today: tortillas, guacamole, and nonconsensual sex.

Let’s rock this Thursday!

YOUR MANTRA: Today I will be bold, laugh, date better, relationship freely and love out loud!

For mom’s reading–you are MORE than just a mom, daughter, wife and sister; find the other parts of you to celebrate.

For single women reading–you are MORE than your job, girlfriend, lesbian crush, spinning instructor and should never forget that. Explore your feminine wilds and ride naked on horses (just use Saran Wrap over your genital-region when riding naked–I don’t want you to experience a flea-infestation)

And for every woman reading–you are more that a taxi cab, nurse’s aid, and errand girl, remember to find that inner spirit at least once a day in order to feed, pet and love.

Is Your Butt too Big?

Well is it? C’mon, you can tell me, who am I gonna tell? Go ahead, turn around and take a look. What’s the verdict?

Do you belong in a Black Rapper Video or a “Before photo” for Jenny Craig?

Wait, before you say a word–before you get your lips ready to talk smack about your backside, I have one question to ask, “Where are you getting your information from?” The TV, radio, YouTube videos, J-Lo’s family photo album? Where ever you got your booty-comparative skills from–you’ve been misinformed.

Seriously. Especially if you’re poking your buttocks right now thinking, “Damn, did I go to sleep with this much back here or did the booty-fairy pay me a visit last night?” (I bet you weren’t even aware that the booty-fairy existed, did you? She’s obviously not as famous as her cousin, the tooth fairy–it’s a family/demographic thing; she grew up on the south side of fairy land and it was just downhill from there)

Just for today, leave it be. Take a deep breath and exhale.


Now slap that crap out of that little annoying voice you keep hearing in your head that’s yelling, “He’s tricking you–don’t leave your house, in fact, don’t leave the room with that wide load you’re carrying back there!” It’s not a trick, in fact–it’s time you squish that little voice for good and replace it with Christina Aguilera’s Beautiful. (And please mail her a check for .28 cents for copyright infringement just for humming the chorus in your head like you just did)

This works for anybody part you’re attacking. Look at Lady Gaga, sure she needs a nose job, but instead she tricks you by wearing t-bone steaks on her breast to distract you from that honker. (If you’re in any way associated with Lady Gaga’s legal team, you can serve the law suit documents at work–just wait until after I do my Zumba class at lunch break) But did you notice how I attack Gaga’s nose? That’s because I have an issue with my own nose. Well, not now, but I did several years ago. One day out of the blue I looked at a photo that a friend took of me and I was like, “Who’s nose is that in the picture on my face?” It wasn’t a nose, it was a bun from a McDonald’s quarter pounder folded in half and glued on my face. But I got over it after I saw all the pretty girls with big noses get famous, like Sarah Jessica Parker and Ryan Seacrest. (If you’re in any way associated with Ryan Seacrest”s legal team, you can serve the law suit documents at work but you have to wait behind Gaga’s team–and play nice!)

So whether it’s a big butt or a nose that can provide shelter for a family of miniature pigeons–don’t listen to that inner critic. Smash his/her face in. Get aggressive with it, like the Bible Lady on the Q train when she spots a single mother and calls her a slut for having a child out of wedlock–yeah, be passionate like that! Be your own Bible Lady. Be Proud.

What parts of your body are you obsessing over today?  What song will you replace those thoughts with? Leave you song comment and let’s get Mexican in here!


The Power of Being Single

I’m not here to tell you lies. I’m not here to tell you truths either. I’m here just to tell. And what I have to say is those thoughts of “When will I finally meet ‘the one’ better be put to rest,” for the moment at least. Why?

Being single has powers.

Being single gives you insights to yourself, your magic, your awesomeness, your sexuality that you might miss when you’re too busy surviving in a relationship wondering, “Who are they with? Where are they at? When will they call? Did they forget?”

Stand up, celebrate the power of being single by celebrating the wonders of being you. Listen to yourself, nourish your mind, dive in deep into your heart and give it what it really needs–your attention. Being in a relationship is fun, wonderful and sometimes takes you to a new level of understanding “you”–if you’re with the right person. But how do you find “that right person”? Some will say, “Calm down baby, you ask too many questions, you’ll know ‘the one’ when you meet ’em, it will be a natural thing.” I say false. I will stand up to anyone who says that and say to their face with my beady little Mexican eyes and take my right index finger and get as close to their cheek and say, “FALSE!” Because you see, that’s the beauty of love, the power of love, the mystery of love…you don’t know who ‘the one’ is, but you take a leap of faith and love long and hard anyways.

So you see, Whitney got it right when she asked, “How will I know?” because honey, that’s a question you’ll keep asking yourself over and over and over again throughout your lifetime–so practice the phrase right now in the comfort of your home, in your robe, with all the lights turned off so it’s only you and the universe present. Go ahead, I’ll wait. And when you’re done, do one more thing for me–say, “thank you” and mean it. Say thank you to yourself for being “yourself” with all your quirks, flaws, and also your curious nature that prompts you to ask, “When will I finally meet ‘the one’?” Because in my mind, you already have, you. And take one more look in mirror to understand and appreciate the power of you, the power of the unknown and most of all, the power of being single.

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