When it's Time to Swallow

I think I’m a bad boyfriend, because I don’t swallow–my pride, that is.   I’ve been independent and on my own since I was 17-years-old and haven’t relied on anyone since then. I moved to New York City in 2001 and I had some rough times in the early days. I was fresh out of the Midwest and kindness and friendliness were considered weaknesses in the Big Apple; a friend even considered me “kinder than Jesus”. That’s all changed, I’m a true New Yorker now and not afraid to show it. But when I need help, it’s hard for me to ask and even harder to not take control of the help I receive–and before you give me the number to your therapist, hear me out.

Two weeks ago I had the following argument with my boyfriend:

Nando: Are you mad at me?

Boyfriend: Yes.

Nando: Why?

Boyfriend: Because you didn’t tell me you were spending the whole day with your friends.

Nando: And?

Boyfriend: You always ask where I’m going and how long I’m gonna take.

Nando: I did that once.

Boyfriend: No, you did it a few times and I never say anything. You did it a few weeks ago.

Nando: That’s because Bethenny Getting Married was coming on and I wanted to watch it with you, God! Kill me for being romantic.

Boyfriend: Yeah, but I was on my way home, stuck in traffic, and my friend thought I was dating GAYzilla because you kept texting every 2 seconds.

Nando: It was the honeymoon episode–you know, the one with the iguana poop! I can’t believe you’re comparing that to this. This was an important episodes,THERE WAS IGUANA POOP!

Boyfriend: Bottom line, you have double standards.

Nando: Yeah, when it comes to Bethenny, I do.

Boyfriend: It’s not fair. All you had to do was tell me you were going to spend the entire day with them. How hard was that?

And in actuality, he was right. He wasn’t trying to control me, he just wanted to feel included in my day. And I get it. Now. But did I stop it there. Nope. Like a good double-standard Mexican, I continued the argument until we were both yelling at the top of our lungs and went to bed angry. I’ll confess something, I can never sleep properly when we’re angry before bedtime, but I also can’t see myself swallowing my pride just to get a good night’s sleep. What? Don’t judge, I’m learning–this is all new to me–you can’t expect me to “learn myself into a good relationship” so quickly. I’m good at dating tips, not relationship advice.

In the end, I’m not sure how, but we started talking again the next day but I refused to cook for him for an entire week. What? Besides being double-standard-ish, I’m also passive-aggressive. Okay, now you can judge. But I’m slowly evolving. I understand I’m not perfect and I give myself leeway to mess up but also I reward myself when I’m being good, like this past week when he caught a horrible eye infection and I because his nurse-in-shinning-armor. I didn’t leave his sight, cooking meals, dispensing eye drops every 3-4 hours. So I’m learning to swallow my pride and be a better boyfriend.

Do you swallow your pride when it comes to your relationship? Does it get easier with time? Leave a comment.

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