What If Your Child Were Gay?

Our favorite guest blogger, Jab, is back and being as provocative as ever as he asks, “How would you react if your child were gay?”

He poses an important question to parents. Just exactly would you respond to the inquiry?

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So I’m in a screaming argument with my friend’s brother-in-law about civil/human rights and owning guns. (Hey, we live in Texas. Get over it.)

Gun Guy: Hey, I’m not hurting anybody! Unless they break in my damn house! If it’s got nothing to do with you, I should have the right to own all the guns I want!
Jab: So you’re saying as long as what someone is doing doesn’t affect anybody else’s rights or their lives, there shouldn’t be a law against it?
Gun Guy: RIGHT!
Jab: So you’re for gay marriage.
Gun Guy:…….NO!

Which got me thinking. What if he found out his son were gay. I mean, the boy IS a bit on the dainty side. It’s not out of the question. How would Man-of-God Gun Guy react to that? And then I started wondering about my ACTUAL friends that have kids. What would they think/say/do in that situation? So I decided to do a little investigating to find out.

-28 yr old Dad of two boys-
Well… I guess it does also depend on the level of “gayness”. Again, I’d still love them but if given the choice I’d prefer them not to be a boa wearing Dame Edna type or have them come to Thanksgiving wearing Daisy Dukes and a pink tank top. I really don’t personally know any gay people that are like that and only know that stereotype from the media but I’m just sayin’. “

-35 yr old Mom of 5 yr old girl, 1 yr old boy-
“Steven and I actually talked about it. We would be just fine with it, but for me as long as she turned out fem and not butch. I want someone to go shopping with and be a girlie girl with me.”

-38 yr old expecting Mom-
“I would be shocked or stunned at first, sure. But, as I feel and think for all of my friends, I would not care as long as she is happy and her s/o is treating her right. It is hard enough for people to find love in this world and even harder for gay people, so as long as 2 people are happy, that is fine with me. Yes, it would take some getting used to, but I love my daughter, even though she is not due to be born until September. I hope that she feels comfortable telling us and not trying to hide her feelings and who she is.

-40 yr old Dad of 5 yr old boy, 1 yr old girl-
“I think I’d honestly be shocked, question what went wrong, what did I do? I don’t think any parent wants a child to be gay, to have to deal w/ a lifetime of looks, comments, prejudice and discrimination for a gay child not to mention the comments behind the back of the parents. Do you tell your friends, neighbors and co-workers? If so, how? And how would I react to meeting the “guy” or ‘gal”? I really think in the end, for me and my wife that we would accept it for what it is. Would I be happy about it? No.”

-36 yr old Mom of 2 yr old boy-
“If my child were gay, then I’d be the luckiest Mom in the world to have the most amazing Gay son! And he’d have lots of Gay uncles to teach him the ropes :-)”

-38 yr old Dad of 9 yr old girl, 5 yr old boy-
If I assessed that they were truly Gay then I would work my tail off to help them be Gay. In other words, give them avenues to meet Gay people and venues to feel comfortable and normal. I would just need to be more sensitive to the issue and Give them the tools to gain confidence. That is what a parent does. Love is unconditional. Personally I don’t want that but it is not my will that matters in this scenario.”

-45 yr old Mom of a teenage girl with a daughter-
“This is something that we have talked about a lot over the years. My daughter’s Grandfather was such a wonderful man but soooo racist and narrow minded, ok maybe not wonderful but decent mostly. One day when we were discussing some of these issues he really thought he had me over a barrel and asked what I would do if my daughter married a black man or an Asian man? I truthfully replied that I didn’t care if she married an Asian or African American WOMAN if that PERSON made her happy and was good to her. I am sure God would rather any two people love each other and treat each other with kindness in a world where there is so much hate and violence. Just my two cents.”

-37 yr old Dad of two young boys-
“I’ve already figured that out. If either of my boys tell me that they’re gay, I’ll be getting them into the car to go and have a conversation with Uncle Dave and Aunt Frank.”

-40 yr old Dad of 17 yr old boy, 1 yr old girl-
“I have to admit that if either of my kids were gay, I would be hugely disappointed. It’s not that I am against homosexuality, I just would prefer my kids not be gay. I hate to use the old cliché, but I have several gay friends and none of their lifestyles bother me. It doesn’t bother me being hit on by another man. I just take it as a compliment. Why get upset over it? So to say that I detest gay people or have homophobic tendencies is inaccurate. I explain all that so that you can have a better understanding of how I feel about it…not anti gay, just prefer my kids not be gay. Make sense? But either way…if one or both of them told me they were gay, I would not love them any less. Same goes for their significant other. As long as they were good to my kids and my kids were happy in their relationship with that person, I would love them for who they are and welcome them into my family and defend them against some of the nut jobs in my family who I know would look down on them. I’m not sure about Isabella, but I got confirmation of Austin’s heterosexuality when he was about five….it is a thing that all men unknowingly look to confirm, and when it is confirmed, say to yourself, “Hell yeah…my boy’s not gay!” “

-38 yr old Dad of newborn boy-
“Gaby and I have had this conversation, before we even had a child and since. We would accept and love him the same. Sorry if that is politically correct, but it is true. We just want him to be happy. We would prefer him to be straight, but believe you’re made the way you are and if gay is how he’s made than we’ll support him. I just hope if he is gay we can recognize it so we can help him through the isolation and confusion of his formative years.”

-43 yr old Mom of 12 yr old boy, 9 yr old girl-
“I would say I am taking you to your grandmothers. She has to pray for you like right now.”

-pregnant37 yr old Mom of 7 yr old boy-
“I’d like to think I would say just what he wanted to hear, in the way he wanted to hear it, “Son, thank you for being open and honest with us, you know we love you no matter what.” But my face would likely say “What???” or I’d say, “I knew it!” and look at my husband and say, “told ya so!’

-49 yr old Dad of 22 yr old girl, 7 yr old girl, 3 yr old boy-“I’ve actually given this some thought in the past and I honestly think that my personal feelings would line up with my public pronouncements – what difference would it make? Our sexual orientation is what it is – I can’t create my children’s orientation (other than perhaps genetically) and neither can they. Laura is 22 (and has never been on a date in her life, to my knowledge), Meredith is 7 and Parker is 3, so it’s impossible to say for sure what their orientations are or will be. And it doesn’t matter.”

-36 yr old Mom of 3 yr old, newborn girls-
“I would be a little disappointed but what are you going to do? You can’t make them straight. I would still love them. I can’t imagine not loving or disowning them just because they were gay.”

-37 yr old mom of 2 yr old boy
“Since he’s only 2 it’s really hard to put myself honestly in that place. I’m pretty sure it would just be a matter of “oh! Ok, son, are you happy? Are people at school being kind to you?” But who knows if my real reaction would be different once I have a few more years to grow attached to a certain vision of him. Then again, I’d like to think that I’ll know my son (and myself) well enough that I would know or suspect he’s gay well before he tells me.”

-40 yr old Dad of 3 yr old girl and expected boy-
“I would ban him from listening to Broadway show tunes! Go on a program of de-gay-a-fy-ing him…lots of sports, uber-metal, Spike TV, and Maxim Magazines.”

-36 yr old Mom of one daughter, one son, and another daughter on the way-“I have actually thought about this a little. Despite how I want to think I would react, I would probably be silently disappointed (a little). It certainly would NOT affect how much I love my babies! Anyone my kids love will always be welcome (excluding violent ax-murderers and the like).”

-Expecting Mom of her first child-
“I would say “I love you no matter what and that I am here for you as a parent and a friend.” Oh! And I will probably become an obnoxious gay advocate so don’t be embarrassed of me!”

Not surprising, most had already given it thought. What WAS surprising was some of the answers I got from this group of mostly Gen-Xers. I realize that parents have a vision of what they want for their kids, so I try to reserve judgment. That said, knowing the effect of a parent on their kids’ future…I’d hope that some would give this more thought.

¡Jab!

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