Top 5 Reasons Men Marry Bridezillas

One late night while rubbing  fungi foot cream on my left middle toe, what? Don’t judge, I flipped through TV channels (with my one free hand) and found my little Mexican heart beating faster as I saw a woman dressed in a wedding gown beating a toaster half to death, and just then the frame cut to a blond woman (and when I say blond, I mean “Long Island blond”–you know with the black roots showing) who farted on her finance because he didn’t come rushing to her fake emergency call. As I sat there, in white-trash bliss, watching Bridezillas on WEtv, I couldn’t help but wonder, Who are these people?” And better yet, “What can I learn from these bitches?”

We could all easily take a step back and say this is all for TV and none of it is real, well, I don’t think you can fake a fart nor jumping across the backseat of a car to attack your husband-to-be (who also happens to be driving) because he got a phone call from his ex while the two of you were already arguing. With so many people on Earth–why do so many dysfunctional people get married? What? They aren’t always like that? You mean the wedding stress transformed poor little innocent Shaquiqui into a Haitian demon from hell? I think not. But why are these men sticking with them?

Top 5 reasons Men marry Bridezillas

1. She knows your deep, dark and juicy secret that would hold up in a court of law and get you convicted. (Mexico + Alcohol + Florinda the burrito lady and her spotted donkey = no good)

2. Your mom acts the same way, minus the knife.

3. You can’t run because she’s already tested out her stalking abilities while you dated.

4. You’re really gay and deep in the closet and figure it’s either this or coming out; and you really don’t look good in rainbow.

5. You’ve never heard of a thing called self-esteem

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