Single But Not Wanting To Mingle

Imagine entering a butcher shop looking for the perfect, juiciest, and thickest slab of pork loin you've ever laid your eyes on. As your mouth begins to water with the possibilities from the gem you've just discovered in the display case, you motion the meat master over and wave your hand in the air as if conducting a 30-piece orchestra but instead of the butcher rushing over to wrap it up for you--he gives you a quick "once over" with his judging Italian eyes and with pursed lips and while wearing a disgusted frown you understand that you're not worthy of purchasing his meat and you're dismissed goodbye.

Now, you may think this would never happen in real life, but if you change the setting, the butcher shop is now Dave and Buster's and the meats on display are now gay men--shopping for goods is still the same and that's why last night's event had me in a state of turmoil, tensed shoulders and angry tweets.

As I walked over to the Networking Mixer to meet a few friends; I was excited to meet potential new work-partners as the possibilities were endless at functions like these. I might run into a video editor that would take my videos to the next level or a stylist that would lend his expertise to my fashion calamities. I knew I'd be in a room full of New York's finest talent and I couldn't wait to get started...until I ran into the man at the door who was directing traffic.

Nando: Excuse me, I'm here for the Networking event.
Man at Door: (Ushering people to various locations) Which one?
Nando: Well how many events do you have going on?
Man at Door: Several, and do you see the line behind you?

I turned around and saw that a crowd had formed in the five seconds that I'd been talking to the door man.

Nando: Oh wow, yeah.
Man at Door: Well then hurry it up man, which event?
Nando: It's the networking mixer...I don't know the name.
Man at Door: (Looking at my Wonder WomanT-Shirt) Is it the GAY one?
Nando: (Feeling insecure) Yeah, I guess.
Man at Door: Why didn't you just say it was the Gay Men's Single Mixer? It's over there to your left.

Gay men's single mixer? I thought I was going to network. I was going to get a video editor, a stylist, maybe even a foot specialist--don't judge. But this changed everything. Gay men are brutal, you're no longer a person at one of these event, you're a piece of meat on display. And this Mexican churro tensed up as I walked over to get my name tag.

Gay Name Tag Man: (In a feminine voice) Hi, now are you single, taken or in between?
Nando: (Wondering, "what's in between?") Single.

The guy picked up a blank name tag with a green sticker on it and then asked for my profession. He then wrote "blogger" on my sticker then herded me off into the crowd where all eyes went to the new person walking in. I looked around and saw my friends standing in a semi-circle talking to a "twink" I had never seen before. I rushed over to them hiding from the men trying to catch a glance at me.

Nando: Why didn't you guys tell me this was a singles mixer?
Dorian: Would you have come?
Nando: No.
Dorian: That's why.

As I looked around the bar I saw all types of gay men. There were Wall Street Tycoons (did they still exist?), Consultants (these are the unemployed other wise they would've been specific), and the Social Media types (the desperate, the over-styled and the balding). All ethnicity's and professions were represented but because of the one thing we all had in common--playing with penises--it changed the dynamic of the room because gay men will hunt for other gay men no matter what the setting and their hunting skills were certainly on display--some did it with their "Me-so-Horny" glances while others were more covert about it--grabbing their crotch while making eye contact. There was one problem; I didn't feel like hunting.

I heard guys rating the other men and talking about what they would do with these men in bed. "Was I inside a high school locker room?" I thought. Now, before I break out my halo-polish, I'm not immune to conversations like these, I myself have been at the fore fronts rating men and treating them like pieces of meat whether they were straight, gay or Bi and I do it in my head all the time. But my "beef" was that I honestly wanted to network.

Jason: What's keeping you from it? I don't see the problem.
Nando: The problem is that gay men take things to such a level that it's hard to actually network.
Jason: I can do it any where.
Nando: Well, that's good for you. But I can't. If I were to go up to a guy here and strike up a conversation asking about their profession, they will be sizing me up and thinking all sorts of thoughts; maybe even ignoring me--as a hot blond walks by, while I'm honestly trying to find out more about what they do.
Jason: I'm sure that wouldn't happen.
Nando: Jason, during that last sentence, you looked away like four times and checked out three guy's asses.
Jason: You saw that?

As I tweeted about the event and how miserable I was...I couldn't help but wonder, "Why do I have to play by these rules?" This was my time to network and no one was going to stop me. I walked around the place with confidence, ease, and a Shirley temple in hand--what? I looked around trying to connect and create authentic relationships as Keith Ferrazzi explains in his book, Who's Got Your Back? In the middle of "my hunt" I ran into three guys I had never met before but who told me they read my blog. As I was coming full circle at the event an walking back towards my friends I notice two guys that were built like NFL players.


Nando: Hi, I'm Nando, what do you guys do?
NFL Guy 1: I'm Juan and I'm a bar tender but I play on the Rugby team right over there. (Points to a table full of large handsome built men)
NFL Guy 2: I'm Silver; I'm a 6th grade math teacher and I also play on the Rugby team.

As I continued my conversation, my friends walked up to me and said they were leaving the event and asked me to meet up with them once I was done. As they left, I wondered if they had gotten what they had planned on getting from the evening and as I continued my talk with the rugby players, I discovered two of the nicest guys in New York City who were also Mexican.

Besides being handsome and having the friendliest smiles I had run across in a while, they were a bit shy but very well-spoken and extremely charming. It wasn't until I was leaving that I finally noticed their tags--one was single and the other was "taken"--but that had never came up because my agenda wasn't "hunting".

The Rugby players asked me to come to their BOOT CAMP training on August 8th as they would pers