Reasons Rihanna Must Ri-think a Ri-union

The Rihanna and Chris Brown fiasco has taken another turn as the two have been rumored to be back together again. This left me a bit shocked, especially after seeing that horrific photo of her surface. My thoughts were that it never starts out that bad--meaning that the abuse must have started a while back and just escalated. But I guess we tend to forget that underneath the glamour and the fame are two young kids trying to find themselves and possibly repeating life patterns they've experienced...maybe in their own households growing up. But how do you break the patterns?Since I wasn't too sure on how to approach a blog of this nature, I turned to my good friend JuliBee who once worked for a domestic violence victims unit in New York City and has experience in these situations; she had a few things to share.I hope you leave your comments and follow JuliBee's blog for more info on the issue.Relationship violence wrecks lives. It wreaks havoc. It's just wrong already! My dear friend NANDOism (the witty, sexy, well coiffed HOTTIE of internet fame), requested my two cents on the whole Rihanna/CB thing. When the story 'hit the air', I 'took it out on' unwitting TWITTERers:

• She shoulda beat his ass with her UM-BER-ELLA. Fancy clothes and car don't give u brains let's hope she ditches him and sheds light on the issue.
• Spent years helping domestic violence victims, MAD hard 2break cycle n convince 'em 2leave, even harder 2explain 2 U why they often stay.
• Girls need 2B taught 2 Y themselves, 2 respect their minds and bodies, 2 have self value & worth, then they wont take fkn ish from a lover!
• The Problem is we tend to look outside ourselves for Y & approval, instead of within. A strong sense of self esteem is best defense in life.
• Give me an hour or 2 with Rihanna & she'd b singing a diff tune, pressing charges while becoming a worthy role model, silence is compliance!
• Chris Brown's stepdad beat his moms, n I hear this ain't first time he roughed Rihanna up... boys who witness abuse often become batterers.

Hello?! INTERNETS!? Can I get a WTF for the wife who filed for divorce in Upstate NY and was BEHEADED by her abusive husband? So much for that Order Of Protection! I'm not talking about BDSM or whoever likes to get freaky-deeky with a roughneck, that is FREE CHOICE. In abusive relationships, ONE person wields total control by terrorizing the other. NOT FUN. Love shouldn't hurt. As we say in Spanish, NO LE PEGUE LA NEGRA, ni la Chinita, ni la blanquita, ni a nadie (do not hit the black, the Asian, the white one, or anyone)!

In the late 90's, I was a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INTERVENTION AND EDUCATION PROGRAM Unit Coordinator for Victim Services, now SAFE HORIZON (1-800-621-HOPE). I worked in several NYPD precincts as a (homicide prevention) crisis counselor to end the cycle of violence, which knows no bounds. Violence is VIOLENCE, it crosses all barriers of socio-economy and status including race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, age, education level, even fame. IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE!

NOBODY LIKES IT, DESERVES IT, OR ASKS FOR IT.

*N*E*V*E*R* BLAME THE VICTIM for being abused!

Together with specially trained Domestic Violence Police Officers, I assisted NYC residents to begin the long transformation from VICTIM to SURVIVOR, offering info, moral support, shelter placements and connections to counseling and services. I advocated for those who filed police reports against their partners or family members, helping them navigate the "system" - NYPD, courts, Children's Services, NYCHA<