Nando & "THE WOMEN" movie review

As a special treat to my dedicated blog fans, I took five readers to the New York cinematic premier of The Women, starring Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Eva Mendes. Big Mistake. First off, I was completely distracted and disgusted by Meg Ryan’s lips which looked like she should have been in an episode of Nip/Tuck: The Botched Surgery Special.

Getting past those lips was like trying to circle ‘round Russell Crow’s ego. And I’m not sure if anyone informed writer-director Diane English that the Sex and The City movie had already been made—and not too long ago either. I know we’re trying to clone sheep, but movies too? C’mon girlfriend, get it together!

As I watched this wannabe flick’s story line unfold before me, I began to wonder—what had I done that karma came back and bit me in the ass so hard? The weak dialogue appeared to have been written by first-year high school drama students asked to combine and remake Knocked-Up, The First Wives Club, Sex and the City, Beaches, and Weekend at Bernie’s. (That’s two Bette Midler movies. Bette, I hope you got some royalties cause they obviously didn’t get you a hair person on set)

And the next time Eva Mendes decides to star in an all-female picture—she needs to take the Eddie Murphy route and play all the parts herself because this role took a little shine off her rising star. I won’t even get into Debra Messing’s hair color—sweetie, I know Will & Grace is over, but can we put a call out to Julianne Moore’s stylist for some help? Better yet, let me introduce you to Mayra Segovia, the Hair Goddess, because that hot mess you were trying to “work” wasn’t suitable for a Julia Robert’s stand-in.

Although I haven’t seen the 1939 original version, also titled The Women, I’m ready to bet money that neither did Diane since it seems her modern version, which also tackles infidelity, friendships, and career changes, lacks any type of depth or cohesiveness. I understand we all have to deal with hardships in life: a cheating man (Thanks for letting me experience this one Joe), losing a career, self-empowerment, and having your friendship’s tested, but I’m confident that even the Hannah Montana movie presented issues in a more real-life scenario.

If you decide to watch this cinematic disaster, go at your own risk—and be warned that Meg Ryan will not only scare you physically, with her botoxed, collagen-filled self, she will also do it audibly (when speaking of her oral sex skills), “I can suck the nails off a board,” Meg, really? I apologize to my “Nandoism” contest winners, but hey, they got free tickets.

Watch movie trailer here