As the nation gets geared up for the 2008 Presidential election, I’m also doing my part for politics by inviting guest blogger, Jab, to write about tonight’s VP debates between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden taking place at Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri, moderated by PBS's Gwen Ifill.
Nandoism readers, I introduce you to ¡Jab!.
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Hot buttered popcorn? Check. Raisinettes? Check. Grande Liberal Latte? Check. I’m all set for the VP Debates tonight!
With all of the hoopla and fanfare around this election year, these are the moments I look forward to the most, THE DEBATES! When you get to see the two (or more) candidates on the same stage after weeks of bashing each other in the media like a WWF prematch. Obama calling Hillary, Anne Oakley. Joe Biden “mistakenly” calling John McCain “George McCain”. Every neo-conservative including Obama’s middle name of “Hussein”. And the endless old people jokes around McCain. Now we get to see them squirm in their own words. Don’t get me wrong. There are those debates that are absolute Nytol as well. Anybody remember the greatness that was Cheney vs. Lieberman? Yeah, nobody does.
But this year! AHHHH! What’s the magical gift given to us this year? Sarah Palin! The sharp tongue, moose killing, barracuda momma! This is the kind of gift that comes around like Haley’s Comet. That rare jewel of hilarity that rivals only that of Lucille Ball and Dan Quayle. I wait for those iconic moments that live in history: Benson saying to Quayle, ”You sir are no Jack Kennedy”. Or Reagan to Carter, ”There you go again!”
So here are my predictions for possible great lines that will be said tonight!
1. Sarah, “So this is St Louis? What was Louis the saint of?
2. Biden, grabbing his gut, “I got your Joe Six-Pack right here!”
3. Sarah, “Every time I shoot a moose I think to myself, ‘This must be what our brave soldiers in Iraq feel like.”
4. Debate moderator Gwen Ifill, “No Ms. Palin, I don’t know Wayne Brady, I didn’t have fried chicken for lunch and for the last time I’m not going to rap for you.”
5. Biden, “I’d like to do some impalin’ on Palin!”
6. Bill Clinton in the greenroom, “I’d like to do some impalin’ on Palin!”
7. Barney Frank, at home, “Did Sarah really think that two-toned jacket would flatter that skirt? And what is with those last year Prada pumps?!!?”
8. Hilary, “If that bitch gets elected I’m going to open the gates of Stonewall to hunt her down!”
9. Boy that knocked up Sarah’s daughter, “Can I go home now? PLEASE?!?”
10. Sarah, “FREE MOOSE JERKY FOR EVERYBODY!”
So be sure to find a debate watching party tonight. It’s going to be a thrill a minute. Oh! And if you want bonus jokes, watch it on Fox News. They’re always good for a deep belly laugh. ENJOY!
Jab