Nando & The Door

This past Saturday I went to breakfast with my friend Nate at a local diner on the Upper West Side. He and I started talking again about a week ago--thanks to Sarah Palin.

And our friendship has never been better since we added another interest into our bag of common denominators--our love for Sarah Palin. WAIT! Before you click out of the blog and vow to never return again--our love is defined as loving a stupid woman. She reminds me of all the band members mother's that I went to school with at Crockett Jr. High School in Texas. I won't mention names, but Lord, the similarities are uncanny!

As we walked to the diner, I noticed the huge wait--the line was incredible. It looked like "Free Viagra Night" at the Senior Center.

Nando: Before we head into the diner, don't complain if there's a wait.
Nate: Fine.

He looked inside through the glass doors.

Nate: Jesus Christ!

Nate was in front so he swung the door open and I followed.

Nando: Just calm down, the line isn't so bad.
Nate: We are almost out the door.
Woman behind me: Some people are so polite, the way the hold the door open for those behind them.

I turned around and noticed a short woman in her late 30's, a cute infant and a confused man (with a huge package—we’re not talking UPS, baby!) standing behind me. The child was sprouting out of a sling she was wearing on her front side. She reminded me of a kangaroo, but a kangaroo would never wear that type of hairstyle…I’m sure they have taste.

Nando: (To the woman) I apologize, I didn't see you.
Woman: Well, that's why you're ALWAYS supposed to look behind you when you walk through doors!

For a flash, and that's how quick my thought process flows, I thought about her statement and thought to myself, "Who the hell am I? Casper?"
Then I thought, "Is she right? Am I supposed to look behind me when I walk through doors?” You know, I did miss a lot of P.E. in elementary school due to not wanting to be picked last in team sports. Maybe that’s when I missed the lesson.

Coach Flax: Okay, you’re the last one again Fernando, go on Robby’s team.
Robby: I don’t want him! He doesn’t know how to catch or hit.
Cliff: I don’t want him either! Can’t he just keep score?
Nando: I don’t know how to do that either.
Coach Flax: Well, just sit there and remember, always look behind you when you walk through doors.

Back at the diner.

Woman: (To her hot, sexy husband) THESE PEOPLE need to learn manners.
Nate: (Realizing the woman just set me off) Nando, leave it alone.
Nando: (Turning back to the woman) I am NOT responsible for you! That’s why you have a partner, to look out for you and open doors when you’re out together. If’ he’s not doing his job (I flash a huge smile towards him), don’t take it out on others and EXPECT them to do his job, cause you know what lady? No one looks out for me. And I will NOT look behind me when walking through doors!

At that point the host came and seated us.

Nate: I can’t believe you went off on a lady with a baby.
Nando: I’m not an evil person. I look out for people. I honestly didn’t see her. That wasn’t fair of her to make those statements.
Nate: Well, I don’t think you should have made a scene.
Nando: I didn’t make a scene! I didn’t rip the child out of her pouch and shake it. I didn’t slap her. I didn’t run up to her man and kiss him (He was very handsome—but not my type since he wasn’t vocal throughout the situation).
Nate: I think you wasted a lot of energy.
Nando: So now, I’m in the wrong? I’m not going to defend myself to YOU. I have a voice and when someone makes uncalled-for remarks about me, I will not remain silent.
Nate: Well, I’m not going to be your cheerleader on this one.
Nando: Well, then I’m not sharing my Mexican frittata with you!

I was so angry; I wasn’t able to enjoy my Mexican frittata. But I did get pleasure when the waiter came and took my plate away while ½ of the uneaten frittata remained. Nate looked at it the same way Sarah Palin looks at a Moose as it runs away from her Alaskan hunting gun, “Next time you will be mine!”

So I pose the question to you all out there; with your different culture, races, background, religion, views, beliefs, educational background, and fashion sense—was I wrong for standing up for myself? What would you have done? And is there an unspoken rule about looking behind you when walking through doors?