Nando & The City

Picture it, New York, 2005, 90 degree heat, humidity factor, 100%...ugh. But, I try to keep cool with my positive attitude...and I'm positive I'll kill someone if the heat doesn't ease up.

I get out of the bus this morning 3 blocks away from work while listening to my ipod, when the unimaginable happens....I see a woman wearing a matching blue and yellow pant suit, that could have been mistaken for hospital scrubs, except that the tropical island theme on them immediately screamed out "Welcome to Jamaica mon!"

Yes folks, she had palm trees with little beads that represented coconuts. But this was not the end...it was only the beginning, the little tropical pink slipper shoes she had on not only went along with the theme, they were beaded as well. They were a cross between fluffy bedroom slippers and Dorothy's red "click-the-heels-twice and go back home" shoes.

I was sad for her, because I felt, when she gets to work, an EVIL colleague will actually say to her, "Oh Linda Mae, you look so cute today!" And this, AS WE ALL KNOW, will encourage the purchase of that Christmas sweater with the cotton ball rendition of Santa and his elves over-looking snow=capped mountains (like the kind my sister in Odessa wears).

Just as I caught up to her to comment on her outfit, my ipod changed songs....it was the Sex and the City theme song....(Don't judge) and I was immediately transformed into Carrie Bradshaw!

I forgot all about the "fashion don't" tragedy walking in front of me, and all of a sudden I had an extra bounce in my step, walked with class, style, and sex as I strolled up Madison Avenue. I was even inspired to turn my head just as Sarah Jessica Parker does at the opening credits of the show.

I was careful not to let any buses come by and splash  me....I don't think you can get dirty New York water out of a white Lacoste Shirt. As I reached the front of my work building, I noticed that there was a crew of city construction workers demolishing the street. Just as I was coming upon the entrance, some hot blond bombshell with a mini skirt that covered only her g-spot walked by that distracted the workers and the fork-lift operator swung the machine too far to the left and the machine's claw was coming straight towards me, when to my surprise, I was whisked out of the way by some stranger's hand.

As I caught my breath and looked around all I saw were beaded Palm trees and coconuts. I thought I had lost it. "My God, is this Heaven?" I thought.

I knew Heaven was paradise, but I didn't think it would sparkle as such. It wasn't  heaven, it was the lady with the tropical outfit standing next to me. I took my ear phones off to hear her say, "You're lucky I saw it coming towards you and managed to push you out of the way."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to do--sort of like sex, with an Asian.

She was going into the same building, so we walked in together, displayed our security badges, and got in the elevator. We were both silent. As I got off on the second floor, I turned to her and said, "Thank you, by the way, you look cute today!"