Nando & His Peeps

As I get older I realize that friends are like a box of chocolate, you never know when they'll go stale and if you can get them on sale....the better. What? You thought I was gonna quote Forrest Gump? Yeah, like he needs more royalties! The people I choose to keep close bring a piece to the puzzle that complete the "big picture" of Nandoism. Touching base with them isn't always easy. Someone is always busy, something comes up, or you just can't get a hold of your desired party. So naturally, when you get the opportunity, you take it...just like Star Jones and free stuff.

My best friend of 23 years who lives in Chicago, just had her 2nd child, and touching base is not the problem, its what happens during the "process" that makes it hard.

Cris: Oh, hi. I was just thinking about you and was gonna call you in a little bit. Roman just went down for his nap and I am feeding Dominik right now.
Nando: You're breast feeding while on the phone with me?
Cris:  Yeah.... Hold on, I have to switch breasts....
Nando: Of course you do... (rolling my eyes)
Cris: You know,  I'm so mad at Paul right now. Yesterday morning we were asleep in bed and I woke up because the sun was shining  through the curtains and hitting my eyes. I glanced over at Paul and just laid there....watching him sleeping. I felt such a strong  passionate love for him.  I must be the luckiest woman in the world, I thought. He's a great father, a good man, and a wonderful husband. I began to gently caress his face and with each stroke I could feel my love deepen. It was almost spiritual. Hold on....Roman just woke up from his nap.... and I think he's eating glass. SPIT THE GLASS OUT ROMAN!!  Okay....I'm back......So before I could reach phase 2 of my passionate feeling for Paul, his left eye popped open and he said, "Could you stop rubbing my face...your hands are cold and sweaty."

Cris supplies my reality dose that married life isn't as thrilling and romantic as people make it out to be. Yet, single people sometimes believe that  married couples have it made. I'm learning that cold sweaty palms can stand in the way of love. My friend Jack tells me that he's ready to find a husband. I tell him he needs a boyfriend first, I mean who does he think he is.. lesbian? I had the opportunity to hang out with Jack a few days ago. He's moving to Texas soon, so I take advantage of the time he's here.

Jack: I'm so glad you came out with me, my nephew mailed me his "Flat Stanley" and I have to take photos of him around the city.
Nando: What's a "Flat Stanley?"
Jack: It's a paper cut out of a boy that gets run over and becomes flat, but he's happy because now he can mail himself to different parts of the world. I got him in the mail 2 weeks ago and he's been living in my daily planner...between my scheduled fundraiser and my doctors appointment.
Nando: Is everything with the Texas move going smooth?
Jack: Almost......Remember that booty call I had a few weeks ago?
Nando: Yeah, you deserted me with a plate of "Nachos Bell Grande" to go and tend to your needs.
Jack : Well, the guy keeps calling me...So to be polite, I've continued to have sex with him.
Nando: I never knew you were such a good samaritan. I think that's how a few people made it to saint hood.
Jack: It's getting old though, last night I went over to his place and we were "doing it" while Greys Anatomy was on.
Nando: How was it?
Jack: It was a re-run, but it was a good episode.
Nando: You mean you were watching TV during the act?
Jack: Yip...I had him faced down on the bed and the TV was in front of me.  I just threw in a few..."Oh baby's" and a couple of "Oh yeah's!"
Nando: I think you're ready for marriage after all!


Meeting up with friends does supply us with different required needs. Chelsea simultaneously keeps things interesting and frightening....no matter what the situation. When I told her I'd been seeing a guy named Collin approximately 6 weeks, she was thrilled to know he was of "African American" decent.

Chelsea: Girl, you're seeing a brutha? How big is his thing? You don't have to tell me in inches, just open your mouth and show me how WIDE you have to go... cause I need to know girth.  I'm NOT here for the "OOOH la-la", I'm here for the "Oooh -LA LA"
Nando: What?........ No!
Chelsea: Where did you meet him? Myspace or Craigslist? Cause you know Ms. Craigslist is a dirty bitch...In any case I'm so happy you're dating. We can compare notes. You know it takes me both hands to hold on to my black man, if you know what I mean. And girl he has 3 piercings down there...he keeps me satisfied...although sometimes he leaves me raw like a piece of pork loin.

I haven't learned the art of discretion with Chelsea just yet. But I appreciate her for who she is. She's the color green in my life's rainbow: Vibrant, good energy, and mixes well with the other colors in my life. I wouldn't function the same without her. And she is always there when I need her.

Friends are not the only ones who are hard to meet up with. Collin and I hadn't seen each other for a week and last night I went over. We had such a good conversation. He told about his new job and how he enjoys what he's doing. We then switched the topic to life, its passion, and our life's callings. We eventually went to bed and began the pillow talk. This is my absolute favorite part about spending time with Collin....Just lying in bed and allowing the conversation to float  and explore into areas that aren't structured. Funny how a comfy matress and a fluffy pillow will draw things out from you that you normally wouldn't express. I think that's how Madonna weaseled her way into 3 of her movie deals.

Eventually, we drifted off to sleep and somewhere between my dream of being nominated for having the best eye brows award,  I was awakened  by a tap on my shoulder and some mumbling. Don't judge me, having these eye brows is a curse, to maintain them is hell, but lucky for me, I use Beyoncé as a guide since its obvious we have the same bone structure.

Collin: (tapping my shoulder) Nando.....memri ddidid kjeejiojferodkd
Nando: (giving my eye brow acceptance speech.....feeling a tap) .....Huh? What?
Collin: Nando....wahhhh blah...blah.....wahhh...blah.....
Nando: (Thinking to myself) Did he just say, "Nando, I love you?" Oh Shit!! WAKE UP...WAKE UP...I'm not ready for this! It's too soon.....but if he feels it....how can I tell him it's wrong? Okay....wake up Nando...and ask him to repeat himself.........(clearing my throat and wiping my eyes open...trying to look sexy) Collin, can you please repeat what you just said?
Collin: I said....Can you please roll over, you're snoring.



The Moral of the Story:

a. You'll never eat Pork the same way again.
b. The people in my life spin me right 'round.
c. Nando needs to keep a box of "Snore No More" strips at Collin's house.