Jab & The Inauguration

And here we have our favorite guest blogger back with some hilarious insight on just WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN on Inauguration Day, Tuesday, January 20, 2009. I must warn you--Barack Obama and Oprah would be proud of you ¡Jab!

Enjoy.

‍So I’m talking to a co-worker right after the election. He’s a 76-year-old, retired Marine Colonel fighter pilot. It’s obvious who he was voting for this year, but he was gracious in defeat. As we were having our cordial conversation about the future; he mentioned that he hoped that Obama would stick to doing the things he said he’d do on the campaign trail because--and get this--he said, “I still think the man is dangerous.

”DANGEROUS? Really? Inexperienced, maybe. Naïve, arguably. Egotistical, well…he did run for president. But DANGEROUS??? And I’m thinking to myself, "What is it that he’s expecting this man to do? What type of atmosphere is he thinking will exist around the White House with him in office?" Then it occurs to me, my friend is an old white guy from the Marines!

He’s looking at Obama and he sees a black guy that grew up dating white women while surfing in Hawaii, smoking weed and went on to go to a liberal Ivy League school, then moved to Chicago to join the mafia-style of politics and dance on TV with Ellen. THAT’S IT! Obama’s not Eisenhower! So this is my top 10 list of things old white men expect to happen at Obama’s inauguration. Enjoy!

1. Dignitaries getting patted down as they enter the gate.

2. On stage: Earth, Wind & Fire and the Gap Band opening up for Parliament Funkadelic, with the comic stylings of DL Hughley during the set changes.

3. Al and Jesse (Sharpton and Jackson, not Franken and Ventura) are teasing Jeramiah Wright “zoo monkey style” waiving an extra entrance ticket at him through the fence.

4. In the White House, hors d'oeuvres and champagne with formal dance to Chopin. And on the lawn, ribs, baked beans, macaroni salad and Big Red doing the tootsie roll to R. Kelly.

5. The Obama girls go to their new room, and in the closet is Chelsea Clinton’s chastity belt and the Bush twins’ stash.

6. Large bouncers with a VIP list and velvet rope will be in front of the elevator to the 3rd floor of the East Wing.7. By the end of the night the 3rd floor of the East Wing will reek of Obsession, Ciroc, Trojan Magnums XL and weed.

8. Nate Berkus is already designing his decorating plans for Oprah’s room in the West Wing.

9. Right before Obama takes the oath, Funkmaster Flex will jump on the mic and say, “This here inauguration is been brought to you by Nike, Boost Mobile ‘Where you at?!’, and Tyler Perry’s House of Payne!”And

10. Right after Obama takes the oath, he grabs the microphone, raises his fist and yells, “ALLAH AKBAR!!!” (the crowd gasps)……”sike!”

¡Jab!

RELATED POSTS:

Inauguation Day Series click here.

Obama's Inauguration (p1) click here.

Obama's Inauguration (p2) click here.

If You Voted For Him click here.

Photos from the Inauguration click here.