How To Start An Affair

No, this won't be a post on David Letterman and his workplace sexual rendezvous but it's more of a confessional post. You see, I can now understand how people can start an affair especially when you believe chemistry is present. A few posts back, I wrote about a secret crush I had but vowed to just leave it alone and do NOTHING about it except enjoy its energy and the butterflies it created. Well, a few days ago--I acted on it and I'm ashamed to say, it was a phenomenal afternoon.

What's wrong in meeting with your crush? Nothing, except that he has a boyfriend--and that boyfriend is a friend of mine. Start judging. No, really, go ahead--I'm Catholic, I need it. But let me explain a few things about me that you may not know.

It was hard that childhood of mine. I was a short Mexican kid in Odessa, Texas and once you mixed in being chubby, not to mention gay--and let's not forget my abandonment issues (I was adopted), it was just a rough time. When most kids were out dating, or even going to high school parties with friends, I was at home--wondering when things would get better. I had loving parents, but they didn't know how to deal with me or the issues I was facing.

I rarely received a compliment while growing up, I mean--who compliments the fat Mexican gay kid with bad acne and fluffy curly hair? I never fit in anywhere and so I was always alone--writing in my diary (the term journal came much later). Fast forward to today when I have a dating blog and a few video series and people are starting to see me in a different light. It's surreal for me.

So when out of the blue, a few months ago I find that a certain person is leaving comments on my male grooming reviews, remarking on my facebook page and tweeting compliments--I wasn't sure how to take it. I developed a secret crush but vowed to never act on it, at least that was my stance a few blog posts ago, but to my surprise I got a text from him saying that he wouldn't mind being my cameraman for a day if our schedules ever met up.

And they did--a few days ago so we met. (I can't believe I'm writing this) And it was the sweetest non-date/meeting ever. He greeted me with compliments, showered me smiles, and topped it off with encouragement. He never took it to another level and that made him harder to resist. We talked about life, art, goals and ambition; he himself is a very talented artist that fascinates me with his talent and earthy care-free spirit.

As we sat there chatting and catching up--I never lost track of his relationship and knew it was a boundary I didn't want to cross. Not to say he would've crossed it--but I know his love story and it's one of romance, lost love, and final reunions and I respect what he and his boyfriend have.

Did I give into temptation? Yeah. Did I cross a line by meeting him? Probably.  Will I meet him again? Good question. Do he and the boyfriend read the blog--yes. Will there be a knock at my door resulting with me getting stabbed after I click "publish post"? I hope not. But because I've never in my life had someone encourage me, lift me up, and wish me success as much as this guy has--I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel but all those things intensify my attraction to him.

So how do you start an affair? For today, I don't think I want to know. I think I'll leave the scandals to David Letterman. How do you handle a crush? I thought I knew. But what I do know--it's a wonderful feeling.

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