How to Lose Your Boyfriend

As the Earth keeps spinning and humans are racing against time to "find themselves," get rich, or get on a regularly scheduled medication regiment, one thing remains the same--everyone's looking for love and in all the wrong place--or is that a country music song? Regardless, what happens when we finally get "love"? They lose it...faster than Bristol Palin out on a date with Levi Johnston. I'm titling July the "break-up month" because couples I know, gay and straight are calling it quits. And as they call me with tears in their eyes and snot on their nose (I can only imagine) I saw the pattern coming a long time ago. Snap out of it!

5 Ways to Lose Your Boyfriend

1. You will lose your boyfriend if you're a bitch at work. If you're a bitch at work, you're a bitch at home. My own boyfriend pointed this out a few months ago when we attended a party where he latched onto a woman caught up complaining about her job. She went on and on about how stupid her employees and colleagues were. Then when her husband came over to participate in the conversation--he shot him a dirty look, demanded water, and snapped her fingers at him--then she continued on. I was impressed, but the boyfriend had a point. Check yourself!

2. You will lose your boyfriend if you're flirting with other guys in front of him. We went to visit a friend last month and got caught up in his tearful trap of "woe-is-me". I was upset, I was concerned, I ate all his Cheetos--don't judge! I was appalled at his boyfriend's insecurity. So what you exchanged an innocent flirt with another guy? Oh, he also saw you going to the bathroom with him and caught you going down on him? Can I get more Cheetos? This leads me to #3.

3. You will lose your boyfriend if you're practicing mouth-to-penis therapy on someone else. If you need more spark or a sexual make-over, include your boyfriend. Don't go on your own. That' not fair and it wasn't part of the deal, was it? If you need to spice up your sex life--consult the person you sleep with--no, not that ONE, the other one. Do something frisky, do something naughty (but legal), just do something and stop being a ho, yes, I'm talking to you Kenny! (oops, did I just do that?)

4. You will lose your boyfriend if he doesn't feel valued. This one hits home. I compare my own relationship as Bambi meets King Kong. I get so wrapped up in "Nandoism" that I sometimes forget he's an equal partner in the relationship and not just a fan who forgot to go home. He listens to me, supports me on an emotional level and compliments me on my hard work. What else could I ask for? Yeah, a lifetime supply of having him get me a glass of water in the middle of the night would be amazing, but I think I've struck gold with that little Mexican! Value your men!

5. You will lose your boyfriend if you don't spend time together. My friend Mary complains that her husband doesn't make enough money and insists he work 20 hours of overtime each week. Then she complains that he's ever around. The man can't win for loosing. Child, if you ain't spending time with him--someone else will! Take a step back and look at the confusion you're creating in your life. I know you're trying to balance the 3 Fs: family, friends, and Facebook, but honey, you won't have much to report if you're busy breaking up. Make time for him.

Of course, all these must be reciprocated--it's not just one person who holds the key to a successful relationship--I mean, who are we, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon?

What's on your "don't lose my boyfriend" top 3 list? Leave your comment and let's discuss.