How To Forgive After A Break -Up

Forgiveness is a tough issue to tackle. How Do you forgive after a break-up? Anyone who knows me well, knows that I would rather give up my 3 hour hair straightening process and live my life with nappy kinks on my head than to forgive someone who has hurt me. But if we have learned anything from Miss Dolly Parton, it's that we will one day win the war...or was that General Patton?

Jack and I decided to enjoy a lovely night out enjoying the perfect warm NYC weather, which we all know is code for..."the boys will be wearing tight sleeveless shirts showing off both pecs and biceps." We hit the bars in the upper 50's. These were classy en vogue bars that jack had never been exposed to. He usually frequents the bars where hygiene skills are optional. As we enter the first bar, Jack is amazed.

Jack: I like this place. The men have all their teeth.
Nando: Keep it down man, we don't want negative attention.
Jack: Sorry. Did I tell you that I'm moving to Texas in April? I can't wait, the Latin men will be so hot!
Nando: Well don't be surprised if they're also in the country illegally and are married to women in thir country.
Jack: Oh you mean like here?

The music was great at this place and my eyes noticed one cute guy dancing as if his life depended on it. I walked up to him.

Nando: Do you give lessons?
Dance Guy: No
Nando: No exceptions to your rules?
Dance Guy: Not when the guy is Latin and has the hip movement down...and I can tell you know how to use what you got!

I walked over to "Dance Guys" table and introduced myself to his friend as he was drinking some type of gay pink martini.

Nando: Hi I'm nando. Do you mind if my friend and I join you two?
Alex: Not at all, my name is Alex. Bring your friend over. (lifting his pink drink in the air)

After noticing my wave,  Jack came over and we were all engaged in friendly conversation.

Alex: So Jack. Tell me. What type of guy do you like?
Nando: He likes Latin men. Where are you boys from?
Alex: We're both Mexican.
Dance Guy: Wow. Its like a Latin buffet for you isn't it jack?

I left to get a drink at the bar and when I returned Jack and Alex were holding hands. I thought wow, that was fast. I then turned to my left and saw "Dance Guy" making out with some tall thin Euro-trash  guy on the dance floor. I thought, wow, that was fast. But I forgot I was in a gay bar in NYC so actually.... they did take their time since 20 minutes had gone by. I start dancing by myself when Jack calls me over and whispers.

Jack:  This Alex guy is really annoying.... And it just hit me. I dated him once about a year ago and he sent me an email the next day saying that he only got the "friend vibe" from me....and I SO gave him the "I want you... I can't live without you vibe"

I guess I'm not the only one who has a hard time with forgiveness. It's an issue that's hard all around. So we said our goodbyes and left.We walked into the second bar and I immediately noticed two guys standing next to each other by the bar and both are looking my way. After a few moments, they come up to me and Jack disappears.

Guy 1:  Hi. You're hot. Are you an actor?
Nando: Thank you, but no I'm  not an actor.
Guy 2: You're an artist though..... right?
Nando: I'm a photographer.
Guy 2:. I knew it. You have this vibe about you that says "artist."
Guy 1: Can we buy you a drink?
Nando: No.....but thank you. Listen I'm going to join my friend but it was nice chatting.

Walking towards Jack, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and it's the bar's stripper. He's handsome, he's built, he's sexy and had on a see through g-string....all the qualities of a good man.

Stripper: Hi. I've never seen you here before.
Nando: Hello. It's my first time here.
Stripper:I'm glad you decided to come in today. Its rare that we get such a handsome man in here.
Nando:  (Thinking Ashton Kutcher would pop out revealing I'm being "punked.") Thank you. Listen, I have to get back to my friend.
Stripper: See you later handsome.

Jack: Okay, we're here less than 30 minutes and you are getting hit on by a handsome couple and a stripper. I AM the ugly Betty  in my group.
Nando: Look, the guy over there is looking at you. He's also making penguin noises, and looks like he's about to pass out, but he's looking at you.
Penguin Guy: (sounding like Danny Devito as the Penguin in Batman Returns)"Whah Whah....Whah Whah"
Jack: No thank you!

At that point, the male couple head my way but the stripper cuts in front of them.

Stripper:So are you enjoying the view? (gyrating his manly pelvis in my direction)
Nando: Uhm...yeah. Thanks.
Stripper:  You know, you can touch my g-string if you like. I usually charge a dollar, but for you I'll make an exception. (heavier gyrating and now turning around so his buttocks is the main view)
Nando: Oh no, its okay. I....... really don't ........do stuff ........like that.
Penguin Guy: (sounding like Danny Devito as the Penguin in Batman Returns)"Whah Whah....Whah Whah"
Stripper: You know in stripper school, they teach us that the customer should NOT place their hand inside the g-string, just on the outer rim, but I say "why not?" it doesn't count unless you can feel what you're paying for! (gyrating and putting his hands on his head then moving them in circular motions like a 70's disco move)
Nando: Wow, you guys have stripper school?
Stripper: Oh yeah, this is trained talent you're watching. (now lifting his left foot and extending it out into the air)

As the stripper kept talking, I couldn't help but over hear the male couple next to me argue.

Guy 1:Well....we can take him home with us...... if you like.
Guy 2: Well I do, but .....only if YOU are okay with it.
Guy 1: I'm fine with it, but he's not my type...."Short and Mexican" does not cut it for me. I'll set up the video equipment like last time and watch, but don't expect ME to participate.
Guy 2: I'm okay with that.
Penguin Guy: (sounding like Danny Devito as the Penguin in Batman Returns)"Whah Whah....Whah Whah"
Guy 1: You like him a lot don't you? If it were up to you, you'd want him alone....right?
Guy 2: Don't talk like that. You know it's you that I love, but he's really HOT!

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, and I wasn't referring to the Penguin guy. Now I'm really looking for Ashton Kutcher. The stripper walked off to his stripper box and began dancing to Madonna's "Holiday" which we all know is the official stripper song and I walked towards Jack.

Nando: Jack I'm ready to go. Do you wanna stay or leave?
Jack: No, I'm ready to call it a night.
Nando: Okay, finish up your drink and we'll head out.
Penguin Guy: (sounding like Danny Devito as the Penguin in Batman Returns)"Whah Whah....Whah Whah"

We walked outside of the bar, and as I was about to say goodbye, I noticed 3 guys on the street walking in our direction. They looked familiar, but who doesn't... after a few vodka tonics at 3 a.m. in New York City ? As I took a closer look at the three, I couldn't believe it....one of the three... was "him." The guy who was having sex with my boyfriend as I walked in on them one Sunday afternoon. Two years had gone by since that event had redefined my entire life and I've dreaded running into him on the streets always wondering what my reaction would be. No one ever really knows what you'll do in certain situations, 2 years ago on that day, I was stunned, speechless, and kept seeing everything around me in slow motion. Joe and I had been together for two years and I saw myself growing older with him. I thought "he was the one." I had introduced him to everyone important in my life. But that day, with tears streaming down my face....I heard the sound.... of my own heart .....break.

And here was "the guy" in front of me. Would I feel hatred? Anger? Would I finish off the job that I started that day when I began to smash his face in? I lifted my head and looked him straight in the face, and he quickly walked past me. It happened so fast that I couldn't tell if he recognized me. But I guess what matters is that I recognized him and underneath the perfect night sky...I forgave him. God did give me a bonus....."the guy" looked horrible...as if he refused to follow some sort of moisturizing regimen. I, on the other hand, was glowing with radiance. I had truth, justice, and Oil of Olay on my side. I realized that after all this time, I had no harsh feelings towards the rat-faced bean pole jack-ass. I said a final goodbye to Jack and with a smile on my face, I walked towards the train station. Something inside me began to stir.....something peaceful, something honest, something new...it was the feeling of growth and forgiveness.

Moral of the story:

a. You will never listen to Madonna's Holiday the same way again.
b. Forgiveness, when ready, will enter your spirit, no matter what the circumstance.
c. Keep moisturizing, you never know when it will benefit you.

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