Gay Dating for Dummies

A few months ago a friend of mine paid me a visit; good old promiscuous Jack. During his stay, he participated in a few sexual escapades in Central Park,  had anonymous sex in the bathrooms of Washington Square and told me about his little fling in the raunchiest bar in New York City, Rawhide. As he entertained me with stories of  his conquests, I couldn't help but notice a little sadness in his tone. See, all Jack ever really wants is to be in a relationship, but his actions tell a different story and since I'm not one to judge--openly, I just listened and took notes. (What? Some of the things Jack does sexually can only be found in Ninja porn and the Karma Sutra--both involving positions named after animals and hydrogenated food particles.)

A few months after Jack's visit; he called.

Jack: Okay, you know how I really don't like giving head at the gym, right?

That's when I stopped him despite knowing the story would be excellent and one that would probably fuel my own masturbatory fantasies--I just had to get a few points across.

Nando: Jack, stop.

Jack: Why? I haven't gotten to the good part yet, it involves an empty shampoo bottle, a hair comb and a dirty tube sock.

Nando: Why are you doing this?

Jack: Well the tube sock was his idea.

Nando: I'm talking about having so much promiscuous sex? You can't possibly be happy--can you? Does it make sense that none of these guys ever call you back? And why should they? C'mon man. Holiday after holiday you're alone left wondering "What's wrong with me?" But there's nothing wrong, except that you aren't giving yourself a chance with anyone. I think you're scared to let your guard down but all the sex in the world isn't going to rope in your Prince Charming.

I only heard silence. But Jack knew I wasn't judging him, but I was coming from a place of friendship and love. A place that an older gay man (good grief--did I just call myself old?) should come from when he sees a younger gay man hurting himself. And here's the ultimate "Nandoism," I'm not a role model, but I strongly feel that as gay men, we should take care of younger generations and teach them a sense of pride and self worth. You have to understand that many of us didn't have people in our lives that took us under their wing when growing up giving us advice or life strategies--and no matter how advance society is--we still encounter prejudices today.

I can't help but wonder, "As older gay men, should we be responsible for the younger gays out there or should we just follow the old adage; live and let live?" If we do that--what type of living will they actually be doing? And as for Jack, I think he's weaning himself off the sex and leaning more towards self-reflection and getting to know what he really wants in a man--and it doesn't involve a tube sock.

What's one dating tip you think every gay boy should know?