Dealing with an Ex

We're constantly being tested in life but those tests take us to the next level, right? Should I eat that extra cookie? What will happen if I have sex with the boss? And should I answer the phone when the ex calls? An ex can always be a great source of friendship--when you finally get to that level--but what do you do until that time comes? So many of us immediately want to create friendships where fundamental elements are missing. How can we be friends when we don't currently respect one another? This isn't an episode of The Hills, is it?

For the third day in a row my ex called; I didn't answer and he left no message. I had a lot on my mind this morning as I wondered why he kept calling. Was he lonely? Was he missing my dramatic ways? Was he up at 3 am watching hot and sexy Mexican porn and thought of me? (a guy can hope, right? mainly me.) To take my mind off things I wanted to check my e-mail and do some work but I'm still in Iowa, currently in Oskaloosa, and don't have internet access unless I sneak into a downtown bank and pretend to "open an account". (And why those bank folks haven't figured out why I keep coming and stay for two hours--daily--and never open an account is beyond me) This morning, Ethan, the 7-year-old in the house wanted to come along on my morning "bank run" and I agreed.

Inside the truck as we buckled up.

Ethan: Nando, why do you always wear that green scarf?

Nando: Ethan, you're only allowed 2 questions per day and you just used up one.

Ethan: Oh man.

I know, it's evil, but he's in that inquisitive stage and Gay uncles are not made for answering those types of questions--especially on scarf decisions and especially because I didn't have an answer--come to think of it--why did I always wear this green scarf? Were he to ask me about elephant pregnancy or how to style and trim sideburns, I'd be happy to answer. (Lesson: don't ask me to babysit)

As I looked at the roads, I noticed more snow.

Nando: Wow, did it snow last night?

Ethan: How many questions do you get to ask me? Cause that's one.

Nando: (Ugh) That was a question to the Universe, not really directed towards you.

Ethan: Did the Universe answer?

Nando: (Ugh) That's two questions for you already.

Ethan: But…

As we got to the bank; I set up my laptop and he set up his Nintendo DS (that he got for Christmas) and the bank ladies waved curiously towards us--it hit me: Ethan and his inquisitive nature wasn't just because he's seven years old, we as humans are just curious by nature and it must have been some grouchy Gay uncle who invented the phrase: Curiosity killed the cat. (And he must have invented it after watching over a seven-year-old) I don't want to stunt Ethan's curious nature by sending the message that asking questions is bad behavior and that he has to curve his learning around people. And that's when it also hit me--why should I hinder my own learning curve in life? If I wanted to learn why the ex was calling, I should just ask. Maybe it's nothing, maybe it is--but I'd never know until I stopped avoiding him.

He and I have been apart for almost a year now so I'm not in that delicate phase where I'll melt when I hear his voice. I want a clean slate for 2010; I want to be as baggage free as possible--even if that means dealing with an ex to just remind him that I'm not ready to be friends just yet. Don't get me wrong, I maintain healthy friendships with a few of my exes but I've also learned that some exes should remain out of the picture; not out of spite, but because they bring out toxic behavior when interacting. This particular ex and I could write a bad romance.

I'll answer if he calls tonight but really won't stress it if he doesn't; I don't want to put myself in an awkward situation. And since there are no rules on dealing with an ex, I do know one thing: I'll proceed with caution but will feel free to tap into my inquisitive nature and not stop myself from learning on the topic of my own personal life. And as far as for Ethan, I lifted the two-question rule; so if I don't respond to your comments, I'm probably "googling" appropriate responses for a seven-year-old.