Becoming a Citizen of the United States

In 2006, I went to the immigration office in Newark, NJ for my official CITIZENSHIP interview. They tested me on my English and my knowledge of US government and history. There were millions of people there and all with the same goal, "How to we turn the fan on--because it was hot, but also to become US Citizens.

One by one, we were being summoned to either door 1 or door 2 but only after going to either window 3 or window 4 which was after standing in line 1 or 9. Imagine the confusion when an INS working announced for a Mrs. Qwereexxxlkwajab to please come to window 2. She panicked because there was no window 2 and began to yell in high shrieks for help--it was like a whale mating special.

Eventually, I was called to door 1. I was greeted by a balding Caucasian man who had the perfect tan of paste. He gave no eye contact and I immediately slipped into passive Mexican mode where I didn't speak until spoken to and just smiled and giggled at anything he said. It's an annoying superpower we immigrants are taught by our parents.Mr. Nick Cur was dressed in Wal-Mart's finest flesh-colored shirt and matching pants. I noticed he was wearing the black version of nurse shoes. His tie blended into the walls, which were a puke green. Nick sat me down opened my immigration file and began the interview process by asking me for ID. When I showed him my Cedar Rapids, Iowa ID he snarled, "Why do you have an Iowa ID?" I told him I was attending the University a few years back and since the driver's license was still valid, I didn't think to change over to a NJ license until it expired to which replied, "You people can never stay in one place." I giggled and a knot in my stomach appeared.

He then asked when did I make my move and I replied that I moved to New York in July 2001. He looked up from my file, "In case you haven't noticed, you are not in New York. You are in New Jersey, like I said, you people never stay in one place." As he shook his head in disapproval, I tried to explained that I said New York because I originally moved to Brooklyn and only moved to New Jersey last year. He cut me off and said it was time to test my United States history. The computer would randomly generate the questions I needed to answer. There were 10 questions and I had to get 6 correct.

Let me remind you--just in case you don't understand the severity of this--if I fail, or if I do anything to make this man think ill of me--my Mexican ass will be sent back to Mexico--where I haven't been since I was three-hours old. Okay, did I set up the drama for you?

He began with easy questions, "Who is the president of the US today?, Which President freed the slaves?, Who was our first president?" Then he stopped the exam to tell me how he wanted to go home early today but because of ME he had to stay late. 

He then continued the test and my giggling. My next question came, "How many amendments are in the constitution?"

I didn't remember. 

And if you have personally been around me, know that I don't have a poker face. If I'm angry--it shows, if I'm hungry--it shows, if I don't know how many amendments there are in the constitution--it also shows. 

His mood shifted and he laughed, "Ah, someone's not as smart as he thinks he is, is he? Okay, the next question is, wait, that's too easy for you, Oh here, ANSWER THIS! Give me the number of the amendment that gives women the right to vote?”

I didn't know!

I went blank on all my amendments. I had studied my history for months and months preparing for this day, not to mention, I went through the Texas school system, but that was over 10 years ago--I had memory loss. I became very nervous and frightened because this would make two incorrect answers--remember, I had to get 6 correct with only 4 wrong and the way things were going, I would have to brush up on my Spanish real soon. He was enjoying this moment, me squirming was making his staying late worthwhile. But what if he went on to ask me harder questions? And why was he skipping questions, why not ask in the order they were written?

I said a silent prayer and answered his remaining questions. He stopped me and in a sad tone said, "You got your 6 correct." Then he went on to the next part of my exam, the written portion, where I was to physically write down on a piece of official United States paper the following sentence he was about to dictate. I wrote down, "You drink too much coffee." He looked at me, he looked at my file, and then at his watch, and said I had just passed my exam and I was now a citizen of the USA--he said this in as much enthusiasm as someone who tells you they just clipped their toenails.

Then he looked back in my file and in a condescending tone explained that I wouldn't become an official citizen today because he just noticed that I had another file in El Paso, Texas and until he reviewed that file and combined the two files into one, he couldn't grant me citizenship. 

How do you know it's my file? There are thousands of Fernando Rodriguez's. Did it have my social security number on it? Was there a photo attached? How was he so sure?

He replied, "No, there are none of those things, but I just know."

I was angry and I wanted to know what motivated him to be so nasty. According to him, I'd have to petition and file a motion for him to let me see the file which "he knew" pertained to me. There's a possibility you will be denied, "Oh well, you've waited this long, a few more weeks won't make a difference."

I had to wait for "Nick in New Jersey" to write me a letter informing me if I was DENIED or GRANTED citizenship once he got a hold of the El Paso file. I left there so disappointed at the entire governmental citizenship process. I felt empty and let down. To rectify the situation, I went straight to Houlihan's and ordered a double ruffle chocolate chip waist-bender truffle triple layered -mocha cake AND a light-and-fluffy brown sugar coconut sprinkled whipped-latte cheesecake AND two scoops of vanilla and chocolate ice cream with a diet coke. I prayed that night and let it go. I knew that the universe would take care of me as it always had.

Several months after that occurred, I was asked to come and take the US Citizen oath and participate in the ceremony. I'll be honest, I let go of the anger and was lost in the moment of becoming a citizen--what a process.