Bacon, Egg & Cheese Sandwich on a Fat Day

Ever had a "fat day"? You know, one of those days where you feel like you're about to give birth to twins-and not the Angelina Jolie "twin-version", where she still looks and feels great-but the Little House on the Prairie twin version-where you can't breathe and nothing fits so you're forced to wear potato sacks as clothes?

Today, I couldn't fit into anything I own, so I pulled out a long-sleeved button-front blue striped shirt that an old roommate left behind. This roommate was on the larger size but had a great sense of style. Reaching for the shirt I thought to myself, "If this fits-as it's an XL, I will sink deeper into the fiery pits of depression where the only light I'll see will come in the form of: unlimited tubs of chunky monkey ice cream, anonymous sex with a man of color, and purchasing the final season of The Golden Girls."

With my eyes wide shut, I put the shirt on and buttoned it up then walked over to my full-length mirror and took three deep breaths-you know, the kind you take when you're about to have oral sex with someone you really don't like. I opened my eyes and there I stood, in a shirt that was obviously too big for me. My world changed. If I imagined this was a medium-sized shirt, I could pretend I was actually losing weight. Why hadn't I done this to my self-esteem before?

Now I'm running late because I stopped to get breakfast--since my body could spare the extra calories. So as I sit here eating my morning meal, I raise my bacon, egg and cheese sandwich to you and hope you have a wonderful day. I have to go back and order a hash brown now. 

How do you solve your "fat day" problem? Leave a comment.