How to Get Unstuck When Dating

Satc-sex-and-the-city-dating rut and unstuckThe issue: I’ve overheard many singles say, “Oh, I’m in a dating rut.” But, I’m not sure what that means. I’m not sure if it’s an accurate statement that anyone other than a Sex and the City Character should ever say.

When I was single, dating was an adventure and yes you go on several dates and meet with the racists, the cheapskates, or even a republican or two–but it never felt like a rut.

The redirection: I’m sure at work you don’t claim to have ruts when you have to work alongside the racist, the cheapskate or the republican–you just work around them. You can’t go to your boss and say, I refuse to work with Andy, the project manager, because he has bad breathe and he doesn’t split the lunch tab equally. Unless you have a secret trust fund, you just shut the hell up, don’t get too close to Andy’s mouth and hold your breathe a lot–and strategically spill  Altoids on Andy’s desk.

The Fact: The reason people claim to be in a dating rut is that, they’re stuck. And they’re stuck on perfection. You’re stuck in a cycle of bad dates. You’re stuck on the idea of the perfect person. You’re stuck on the perfect date. You’re stuck on the perfect  _________________(fill in the blank).

And it’s okay. You will get unstuck by keeping it going. Keeping YOU going. We’ve all been there–so why do YOU get to skip this part of dating? You don’t. Welcome to stuck.

My advice: Don’t “rut out” on dating; instead, just work around it–the great part is that you never have to date them again–don’t you wish that were the same case with your coworkers?



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 Are you feeling the pangs of dating? Are you left wondering if you’re truly undateable but not ready to commit to dating/relationship coaching? I understand, but that doesn’t mean you’re not experiencing some

frustration centered around dating, right?

Did you have an amazing first date, but they never called again?

Are you getting texts but then they flake out and never make concrete plans with you?

Is the person you’re interested in running hot + cold?

Whatever your burning question or relationship dilemma is…you need  expertise advice! Your friends are a great place for support, but they aren’t always right when it comes to your dating/love life.

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What’s Missing in Your Dating Life?

We once thought the world was flat–then it wasn’t.

We once thought that having a mental disorder was due to being possessed by evil spirits–then it wasn’t.

We once thought that certain class of people should be slaves–then we didn’t.

We once thought that  witches were among us in Salem–then we found out it was just the yeast.

We once thought that being born with a disfigurement was a punishment from God–then it wasn’t.

We once thought Kathy Lee Gifford was the shiznit–then we didn’t–now we do again.

What about your dating life/relationships will you look back at and say, “Oh, I guess that wasn’t it after all?”

The fact is, with all the above theories, there was a certain amount of “crowd think” at play. Which is the simplest form of  giving away the ability to think for yourself and conform to everyone else’s way, instead. When you go against the grain and do what’s right for you, you get a Steve Jobs, a Bill Gates, a Mark Zuckerberg way of thinking.Mistakes will always be made–that’s what makes us human, but do we learn the lesson better if the mistake was made from your own thought process vs crowd think?

When it comes to dating–who’s rules are you following? No sex until the 3rd date? Or Sex is okay after the 2nd hour?

My question stands: What about your dating life/relationships will you look back at and say, “Oh, I guess that wasn’t it after all?”

Who Really Revolutionized the World?

Who really revolutionized the world? According to Beyonce, “Who runs the world, Girls!” And according to everyone in technology, Steve Jobs, the brilliant creator of MAC and everything iPhone/iPods did.

But the world started way before iPhones and Beyonce and I’d like to think it really started way back then. So, according to a Gay, Adopted, Mexican Dating blogger–who do I credit for the way we do things today?

Watch to find out!

The J.Lo Relationship Syndrome — And How to Avoid it

DNA consists of the substance that carries the genetic coding of every living organism. Our Dating DNA is the foundation that carries our beliefs of how a date/relationship should be experienced.

You can change your Dating DNA to create a better outcome in your dating/relationship–but has someone told Jennifer Lopez?

Jennifer Lopez and many of you out there suffer from something I call the J.Lo Relationship Syndrome (JRS) but you no longer have to suffer through it. I will show you how to self-examine yourself so you can catch a flare up if you’re experiencing one. You know you’re infected when you hop from relationship to relationship searching for that “missing” piece of life that will bring you happiness not allowing yourself time to heal the “brokeness” inside. Don’t believe me. Let’s start with Jennifer Lopez’s dating/relationship timeline.

  • 1997 – Jennifer Lopez marries Cuban-born Ojani Noa
  • 1998 – Jennifer Lopez divorces Ojani Noa
  • 1999 – Jennifer Lopez starts to date Sean “P. Diddy” Combs
  • 2001 – Ends her relationship with Sean “P. Diddy” Combs
  • 2001 – Marries Chris Judd (really, same year?)
  • 2002- Jennifer and Chris separate
  • 2002 – Jennifer is engaged with Ben Affleck (when did she have time to date him?)
  • 2003 – Jennifer’s divorce from Chris Judd is finalized
  • 2004 – End engagment with Ben Affleck (what? really, Jennifer?)
  • 2004 – Marries Marc Anthony (when did their courtship being?)
  • 2011 – Ends marriage with March Anthony (although rumors say it actually ended 2 years after their marriage)
  • 2011 – quoted as saying she’s now ready for “Love to enter her life”


The J.Lo Relationship Syndrome is a serious problem that repeats itself unless caught early. A person suffering from JRS  has to give themselves time to heal from their last relationship and use the time to examine their Dating DNA to identify why their relationship ended. People who suffer from this dating syndrome fail to rub “time” ointment on their hearts. Time ointment is an important factor in over coming J.Lo Relationship Syndrome because while you’re healing–alone–you get to rediscover and reconnect with yourself. A person suffering from JRS uses relationships to falsely heal something broken or they have no concept of what she wants in a relationship. Many of us experience small cases of JRS but now there’s hope!

If you’ve just gotten out of a relationship and feel you are ready for the next one–make sure you can easily identify your Relationship Parting Gift. If you still can’t, then you’re not ready to date, much less engage in a relationship. I know we all want to be loved and I know for sure we all deserve love, but you have to have a clear idea of what “love” is before you can find it. It’s like interviewing for a job and accepting it and on the first day you start, you ask, “What are my job responsibilities?”

How to avoid J.Lo Relationship Syndrome: 

1. If you were in a previous relationship–you must have identified your last relationship parting gift.

2. Have a clear understanding of what love looks like to you. (Not Carrie Bradshaw’s version or any other fictional character)

3. What ideas/beliefs are collected in your Dating DNA and examine–which ones to hang on to and let go of.


Do you know anyone who suffers from J.Lo Relationship Syndrome? Have you ever had a small case of it? Leave a comment and let’s discuss.


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