The #Nando25 Challenge Idea: In life we are given many options and based on those options we either choose or decide the next step, but have you ever wondered why you selected the way you did? I have an even better question–what’s the difference in choosing vs deciding to do something or be with someone? One options leaves you empowered and centered in your confidence + “being” while the other options leaves you disempowered and confused and in some cases feeling guilty.
This concept is powerful and I want you to try on the following idea–in essence, I’d like for you to choose to be coachable. If after you read this section you choose not to accept this as a “new way of being” for you–then understand I prefer you to choose not to believe rather than to decide not to believe.
Let’s start off by defining each word. This will help you understand the difference.
Decide: to select in a way that kills off other options.
Easy enough right? But there’s just one thing, if you split the word up, de-cide, have you seen “cide” in other words: Homicide, genocide, suicide. By it’s nature, the word decide means to kill something off–and in our lives, we are usually killing off other options which doesn’t leave room for any possibilities.
late Middle English < Latin -cīda killer, -cīdium act of killing, derivatives of caedere to cut down, kill (in compounds -cīdere )
Just the word and its origin suggests that after we decide, at the of that decision, we have also killed off all possibility.
Example: You’re walking down the street and there’s a “blind taste test” going on and you stop to participate. All you see is two cups filled with liquid. Cup one is filled with a thick red liquid (reminds you of fruit punch) and cup two is filled with a yellow liquid that’s not so thick (like Mountain Dew). You try both but before you taste the red, you’re already thinking (too sweet, yucky, and strawberries) and as you taste the yellow liquid you think of your college days when you used to drink Mountain Dew by the gallon just to stay up and study all night–caffeine is a beautiful thing. Once it’s time for you to select which one, if any, tastes better, you start the “killing off” process by deciding. You begin your lists of comparisons because you don’t trust yourself. You just can’t say which one just like that–you need reasons, right? I mean, what type of person would you be if you just picked one and didn’t examine all the evidence and labor over the all the options. Do you decide based on sweetness, texture, color, or smell? God forbid you select based on taste, right? But why? Why can’t you just choose which one you like better? When you decide something, you allow “the reasons” to have the power and you now find yourself in a tug-of-war with yourself trying to decide and kill off all other possibilities. Do you get that? The REASONS decide, not you.
I want you to read that over again.
When you decide something, you allow “the reasons” to have the power and you now find yourself in a tug-of-war with yourself trying to decide. The nature of the word means you have to kill off all other possibilities. Deciding also makes us dip into the past, as we tend to conjure up past experiences in order to help us in the present–that idea on it’s own doesn’t create new possibilities in our lives.
If you decide to base your taste selection based on taste, then you kill off texture. If you decide to base your decision on color, you kill off taste. If you decide to base your decision on smell, then you kill off color. How do you decide? In your mind, you must decide based on a reason. And in life, we do this to ourselves on a daily basis–we begin to examine “the reasons” which can be a long and drawn out process and in the end, the REASONS decide.
But what happens if we choose instead?
Choose: to freely select from a number of options that creates endless possibilities.
When you choose something, you choose freely out of an area rooted in the knowledge of self awareness. When you are free + self-aware you are present. When you are present, you are living in the moment. When you are living in the moment, you choose freely based on the possibility of things.
When you decide, you are RESTRICTED by reasons. Smell, taste, texture, color, etc. And because you are RESTRICTED you are not FREE to make a choice, you are RESTRICTED to decide. The nature of the word means you have to kill off all other possibilities.
Example: You have been single for four years now. Your last relationship left you banged up, confused and heartbroken. You’re a little scared to get back into the relationship game and therefore having been dating so much. But one Sunday afternoon, in the market, while reaching for a tomato, your hand brushes up against someone else’s hand. You look up and see them, the perfect person. You both look into each other’s eyes and smile. They let go, allowing you to take the plump fruit and walk away. Your heart rushes with adrenaline, dopamine + endorphines–in other words, your heart is skipping beats. After you pay and walk out, you look for the person and they’re no longer around. As your heart’s pace returns to normal, it begins to rain and you don’t have an umbrella. All of a sudden, you’re confused, it’s raining but you’re not getting wet. Why? You see a shadow and it’s an umbrella, your perfect tomato person is sheltering you with their umbrella and warming you up with their smile. Immediately, you think, this person is nurturing, sweet, sensitive, kind and sexy!
Fast forward to six month later, you two are in a deep loving relationship, spending the majority of time at your place. One Sunday afternoon, as you’re cooking and need tomatoes, you ask if they can go get a few. You also flashback to the day you two met and you warm up all over again with loving goodness. Except, they are busy with work stuff. You knew they had a huge report due that Monday but would taking a 5 minute break to get a few tomatos really hurt the report? You remember how they sometimes would call in sick just to be with you. Why, all of a sudden, is work so important? You don’t want to make a big deal, so you run off to get the tomatos. As you enter the corner market, it begins to rain. You call them up and ask if they can run down and bring you an umbrella. They say no, “just run over real quick after you’re done, you won’t get that wet, it’s just sprinkling.” This infuriates you! You’re the one cooking and you’re the one in the market AND now you’re the one getting wet? What happened to the nurturing, sweet, sensitive, kind and sexy person you met six months ago?
What did happen to that person?
They are still there–you just can’t see it because you’re trying to recreate a person based on the REASONS you DECIDED to love them. You decided to love them because they were nurturing, sweet, sensitive, kind and sexy. The moment they are no longer one or ALL of the ABOVE, you KILL off the POSSIBILITY of happiness. You are RESTRICTED to love someone based on the REASONS you decided to love them. Had to CHOSEN to love them, remember, when we choose, it’s to freely select from a number of options that creates endless possibilities. If you embed “choice” into your life, you will essentially create endless possibilities. You might look at this situation with a bigger lens. In relationships, we all have good days and bad days and you have to allow for the ebb and flow of those days with communication and understanding. We are not one dimensional characters, and when we fall in love, it’s a much better outcome when you choose to freely fall in love with someone you choose because you create endless possibilities with that person, instead of deciding to fall in love with someone you decided to, because you’re now RESTRICTED to love, based on the REASONS you DECIDED, which kills off all other possibilities.
I want you to read that again.
We are not one dimensional characters, and when we fall in love, it’s a much better outcome when you choose to freely fall in love with someone you choose because you create endless possibilities with that person, instead of deciding to fall in love with someone you decided to, because you’re now RESTRICTED to love, based on the REASONS you DECIDED, which kills off all other possibilities.
The Lesson: In life we have two options when faced with the opportunity of selecting. We can either choose or decide. Which one will you choose when it comes to work, love, family, friends, etc?
The #Nando25 Challenge Homework
1. Look back at the last decision you made. What were your reasons?
2. Can you revisit that decision and instead, choose freely?
3. In your #Nando25 journal, write down a choice you’re now willing to make. And make it.
4. Make sure to post in our facebook page that “you get Day 22” or that you “don’t understand Day 22” and I’ll reach out to you.