Friends Who Disappoint Us

friends fightingHave you ever had a friend who disappointed you? I mean, truly hurt you to your core? Remember, there are always 3 sides to a story. Yours, theirs and the truth. I never understood this better than this year. I learned not to point fingers but to be open enough to see that my version wasn’t what truly played out. I may have looked at a situation through a lens of disappointment, hurt or anger which means I added extra drama to the issue. I know I’m not alone out here in doing this.

I’ve let relationships go or rather, haven’t invested in the time to get them to the place where hope and forgiveness reside. Instead, I’ve held on tight to my disappointments and when I thought I was finally ready to forgive, I wasn’t. How do I know this? Because the raw emotion of anger, distrust or disgust came rushing through instead of the bright light of friendship.

If you find yourself in this situation — should you work on the friendship or not? Ask yourself the following questions. And answer with honestly.

  1. Do you understand the real issue? (And it’s not the 1st thing that pops into your head-dig deeper)
  2. Is it a friendship that they have mutually invested in and do you want to continue to invest in?
  3. Are you truly able to forgive and move past it?

WARNING: Don’t let too much time pass because just when you’re finally ready to let go–the other person has realized there’s just too much distance and separation to warrant a friendship repair kit

3 Ways to Deal with Anger and Your Husband

dealing with anger issues

You can take this advice and apply it to your spouse, friends, or colleagues. It will work in any situation but there is a level of wanting to work it through on your behalf in order for this to work. If you’re looking for ways to play victim or point all fingers at them — this is not for you. This is for real people seeking real solutions on dealing with your anger and your spouse/husband.

1. Have compassion and realize that they are probably kicking themselves for the exact same reason you’re mad. It might not come as natural to remember certain likes or several of your dislikes. Or it might be that they are careless with money and are truly trying hard to budget. Realize that if there is an area they are struggling with, they may be afraid or insecure to ask for help since you slip into anger mode so easily. Don’t excuse their behavior but try a little compassion–it will go a long way. Besides, don’t you want the same in return? You’re not perfect. Ouch!

2. Take a step back and ask, is this really the issue? Many times we lash out in situations and we’ve been bubbling with anger or resentment for days, weeks, even years. Get to the bottom of things. Are the dishes in the sink really the issue or is it that you feel disrespected because you’ve explained how this is bothersome and you still encounter a cup and dirty spoon once or twice a month? Uncovering the root will help with resolution–but it takes some self examination and self awareness, you can do it. You’d want them to also do this instead of going all Tyra Banks on you for eating the last Nestle ice cream crunch bar.

3. Realize there is a price of admission in relationships. In the real world, there is no perfect person and there is no “settling down” without “settling for.” Come to realize that you both have flaws and deal with them. Is he the sweetest, caring, and loving person who just happens to leave his shoes all over the apartment? Deal with it. Is he always there for you when you need someone and has your back no matter what, yet leaves dishes in the sink? Oh well. (Notice I’ve thrown in dishes in the sink twice? Sorry, babe) In the real world of relationships there is no fairy tale ending, just the one where two people put in work to make it another day. Some days are fun and amazing while others may be dreadful and full of yucky stuff. You just have to decide what’s the price of admission in your relationship and the sooner you do, the faster you can get on with your fun times.

The 10 Things I’ve Learned from Being Married

how we roll
how we roll

Let’s get one thing clear — I’m not a marriage expert. Nope. I won’t wear that hat. But I will wear the hat of someone who’s been in a relationship for four years and still loves (almost) every minute of being around German. Let’s face it, we’re all human. Mothers need space from their kids, kids need space from there mothers, teachers feel the need to break free from their students and employees all need vacations away from there bosses — so why can’t we be honest when it comes to marriage? GIVE ME A BREAK!

And now, let’s circle back. German isn’t my best friend, I have one of those, and she’s had the title since the 3rd grade, so I can’t snatch it away from her but the title my husband has and has had for several years is “he’s my favorite person to be around.” He really is. Those of you that have met him know he’s not a flashy guy that demands attention nor does he crave being the center of attention, instead, people gravitate towards him because he’s instantly lovable, sweet, endearing and nurturing. He’s a creative guy with a successful photography business working with some of the top New York City dating coaches and Match-makers. And because I believe life is a school in disguise,  these are the things I’ve learned by being married for 3 months. Being married is a great place to be, for us.

The 10 Things I’ve Learned from Being Married

1. I’ve learned that my husband isn’t my BFF but he’s my favorite person to be around.

2. I’ve learned that my husband and I need time apart but we need even more time together.

3. I’ve learned that I’ll try harder not to make him  my “everything” because it’s not fair for him — that’s why I’ve cultivated other relationships in my life.

4. It’s my job to make him laugh at least once a day.

5. I’ll respect him by listening to him when he’s having a rough day with no judgement (that’s a work in progress).

6. I won’t fly off the handle when he gets mad at me (because he only does this once every 6 months).

7. I’m not the boss of him and I need to remind myself of this daily…sometimes hourly, even when I want him to come to bed so we can snuggle and he’s watching Jennifer Lopez videos on youtube in the living room.

8. I’ve learned he’s got so much more love to give and since we’ve gotten Leona, our new puppy, she’s the perfect addition to his heart.

9. I’ve learned that he is the calm to my craziness and I need that calm in my life.

10. I’ve learned that when I said “I do” that he also meant it and I will cherish February 18th, 2014 for the rest of my life.

33 Ways to Stay Creative

33 Ways to Stay Creative

It’s come to my attention that several of my friends are in the creative space. How did I come to this conclusion? Because I was once “in the space” and I’ve stopped and it’s like a flashing neon sign in my lazy face that I haven’t been actively creating anything but ass indentations on my bed, couch and chairs. But I’ve also learned it’s a part of my process as a creative. I go through waves. Sometimes it’s a solid 6 months of energy-crazed content about careers, dating or self-improvement and then it’s a wave of riding nothing but a bag of Doritos to my face.

I believe everyone is creative and I know there are many out there that would love to have the argument of “Not me, I couldn’t create anything if I had a loaded gun pointed to my crotch!” But think about it–Are you good at making people laugh?  In your circle of friends, are you the Pinterest queen pinning for the best pink items around? When you’re around your husband, do you compliment his attempt to use hair products? All those examples take a form of creativity.

As I was researching “ways to get off the couch” I can across this little piece of work that spoke to me. Although I’m not gonna lie, I think it’s ugly…but the content is key. Take a read. What are some other ways you stay creative?


33 ways to be creative
33 ways to be creative

By the Way Wednesday: The Dos and Don’ts of Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

Relationships-dos and don'tsWhat defines a relationship? What defines a healthy relationship? I’m sure the definitions will vary as do the rules/guides that accompany the partnership. I can only speak from my first person experience. And in my last relationship, I was very dependent on the other person to “make me happy” and that meant I expected them to do some: mind reading, carry the financial weight of the relationship, and  love me unconditionally without getting it in return. That relationship failed.

Now, being in a relationship for 3.9 years I feel like I’ve not only grown as a partner but I can honestly say I feel like I’m an awesome fiancé. And here are some of my learnings.


  • Take care of your teeth
  • Have sexy time!
  • Exercise both your mind & your body
  • Spend time alone
  • Pay for things on a equal basis, not equally (when the money-making ratio is even, then you can do a 50/50 split — if it’s not, make adjustments)
  •  Figure out what chores you’re best at and are willing to do & do them — have them do the same (this is not a 50/50 split either)
  • Take care of another when you’re sick
  • Remind each other of important dates, appointments, gatherings (don’t sit there waiting for them to mess it up–remind them)
  • Spend time together (it should still be fun to meet up and just “be together”)
  •  Make them laugh
  • Hand them a tissue if you do make them cry — then work it out
  • Encourage them
  • Learn to compromise
  • Brag about them in front of others — and mean it!
  • Give them space
  • Remind yourself of the relationship rules you two have established — and keep to them
  • Make them laugh some more




  • Remind them of their bad qualities over and over again — I’m sure they’re already kicking themselves over it on a daily basis
  • Make them feel guilty over mistakes they’ve made — let it go
  • Say “I told you so.” That’s a phrase that doesn’t take love to the next level
  • Wait until things are bad to “have a talk” — you should always be talking
  • Put them last on your priority list
  • Forget being in a relationship is only a percentage of wat makes you YOU — it’s not your entire IDENTITY!
  • Brag about your relationship on social media
  • Forget to have sexy time!
  • Talk behind their back
  • Let them guilt you into anything
  • Forget your friends — but if they are anti-relationship, be wary!
  • Lose yourself in the process



I’m sure these are ever-changing, but these are a good start. And I’m positive I have left several things off — feel free to include them in the comments below.


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