The 10 Things I’ve Learned from Being Married

how we roll
how we roll

Let’s get one thing clear — I’m not a marriage expert. Nope. I won’t wear that hat. But I will wear the hat of someone who’s been in a relationship for four years and still loves (almost) every minute of being around German. Let’s face it, we’re all human. Mothers need space from their kids, kids need space from there mothers, teachers feel the need to break free from their students and employees all need vacations away from there bosses — so why can’t we be honest when it comes to marriage? GIVE ME A BREAK!

And now, let’s circle back. German isn’t my best friend, I have one of those, and she’s had the title since the 3rd grade, so I can’t snatch it away from her but the title my husband has and has had for several years is “he’s my favorite person to be around.” He really is. Those of you that have met him know he’s not a flashy guy that demands attention nor does he crave being the center of attention, instead, people gravitate towards him because he’s instantly lovable, sweet, endearing and nurturing. He’s a creative guy with a successful photography business working with some of the top New York City dating coaches and Match-makers. And because I believe life is a school in disguise,  these are the things I’ve learned by being married for 3 months. Being married is a great place to be, for us.

The 10 Things I’ve Learned from Being Married

1. I’ve learned that my husband isn’t my BFF but he’s my favorite person to be around.

2. I’ve learned that my husband and I need time apart but we need even more time together.

3. I’ve learned that I’ll try harder not to make him  my “everything” because it’s not fair for him — that’s why I’ve cultivated other relationships in my life.

4. It’s my job to make him laugh at least once a day.

5. I’ll respect him by listening to him when he’s having a rough day with no judgement (that’s a work in progress).

6. I won’t fly off the handle when he gets mad at me (because he only does this once every 6 months).

7. I’m not the boss of him and I need to remind myself of this daily…sometimes hourly, even when I want him to come to bed so we can snuggle and he’s watching Jennifer Lopez videos on youtube in the living room.

8. I’ve learned he’s got so much more love to give and since we’ve gotten Leona, our new puppy, she’s the perfect addition to his heart.

9. I’ve learned that he is the calm to my craziness and I need that calm in my life.

10. I’ve learned that when I said “I do” that he also meant it and I will cherish February 18th, 2014 for the rest of my life.

33 Ways to Stay Creative

33 Ways to Stay Creative

It’s come to my attention that several of my friends are in the creative space. How did I come to this conclusion? Because I was once “in the space” and I’ve stopped and it’s like a flashing neon sign in my lazy face that I haven’t been actively creating anything but ass indentations on my bed, couch and chairs. But I’ve also learned it’s a part of my process as a creative. I go through waves. Sometimes it’s a solid 6 months of energy-crazed content about careers, dating or self-improvement and then it’s a wave of riding nothing but a bag of Doritos to my face.

I believe everyone is creative and I know there are many out there that would love to have the argument of “Not me, I couldn’t create anything if I had a loaded gun pointed to my crotch!” But think about it–Are you good at making people laugh?  In your circle of friends, are you the Pinterest queen pinning for the best pink items around? When you’re around your husband, do you compliment his attempt to use hair products? All those examples take a form of creativity.

As I was researching “ways to get off the couch” I can across this little piece of work that spoke to me. Although I’m not gonna lie, I think it’s ugly…but the content is key. Take a read. What are some other ways you stay creative?

 

33 ways to be creative
33 ways to be creative

By the Way Wednesday: The Dos and Don’ts of Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

Relationships-dos and don'tsWhat defines a relationship? What defines a healthy relationship? I’m sure the definitions will vary as do the rules/guides that accompany the partnership. I can only speak from my first person experience. And in my last relationship, I was very dependent on the other person to “make me happy” and that meant I expected them to do some: mind reading, carry the financial weight of the relationship, and  love me unconditionally without getting it in return. That relationship failed.

Now, being in a relationship for 3.9 years I feel like I’ve not only grown as a partner but I can honestly say I feel like I’m an awesome fiancé. And here are some of my learnings.

Do:

  • Take care of your teeth
  • Have sexy time!
  • Exercise both your mind & your body
  • Spend time alone
  • Pay for things on a equal basis, not equally (when the money-making ratio is even, then you can do a 50/50 split — if it’s not, make adjustments)
  •  Figure out what chores you’re best at and are willing to do & do them — have them do the same (this is not a 50/50 split either)
  • Take care of another when you’re sick
  • Remind each other of important dates, appointments, gatherings (don’t sit there waiting for them to mess it up–remind them)
  • Spend time together (it should still be fun to meet up and just “be together”)
  •  Make them laugh
  • Hand them a tissue if you do make them cry — then work it out
  • Encourage them
  • Learn to compromise
  • Brag about them in front of others — and mean it!
  • Give them space
  • Remind yourself of the relationship rules you two have established — and keep to them
  • Make them laugh some more

 

 

Don’t:

  • Remind them of their bad qualities over and over again — I’m sure they’re already kicking themselves over it on a daily basis
  • Make them feel guilty over mistakes they’ve made — let it go
  • Say “I told you so.” That’s a phrase that doesn’t take love to the next level
  • Wait until things are bad to “have a talk” — you should always be talking
  • Put them last on your priority list
  • Forget being in a relationship is only a percentage of wat makes you YOU — it’s not your entire IDENTITY!
  • Brag about your relationship on social media
  • Forget to have sexy time!
  • Talk behind their back
  • Let them guilt you into anything
  • Forget your friends — but if they are anti-relationship, be wary!
  • Lose yourself in the process

 

 

I’m sure these are ever-changing, but these are a good start. And I’m positive I have left several things off — feel free to include them in the comments below.

 

Are You Designing Your Own Love Catastrophe?

designer of my own catastophy

You are the designer of your own catastrophe — especially when it comes to love.

What new love designs are you working on?

  • He’s not moving fast enough? Who made you the pace keeper?
  • She’s not the total package? Honey, have you seen the wrapping paper you come in?
  • I need someone who understands me 100%. Mind readers are at the circus find one, pay them $.25, and keep it moving.

Or are your designs more destructive because they highlight what’s wrong with you?

Have you been designing a

  • 10-year sculpture of “I’m not good enough”
  • An oil canvas of “I’m really not worthy” that’s almost done
  • Maybe an intricate installment made of self hate pieces with specs of shame

Would you be proud to display them?

If the current life design is not working in your life — start a new piece.

Change mediums, change formats, throw away your old equipment and start fresh–the old stuff (the past) is contaminated.

Identify + write down 5 of your best qualities and splash, stroke, weave, bend, glue, weld–start a new and beautiful design you’re proud to have on display. The universe and love is waiting with anticipation.

Insanity Workout Reality Check + More

shaun T insanity workoutThis past Sunday, as German and I were walking back from a little grocery shopping, he mentioned that he was having negative thoughts about his Insanity workout. He went on about how during his Saturday workout, he was ready to give up. He’s on day 25 or so and he was just “over it” and couldn’t concentrate.  The bad thoughts were floating around in his head as our birds were chirping up a storm which didn’t help his concentration. And the worst part, he was feeling guilty for his thoughts. My response, “You just read my mind this entire past week!” But the difference is, I know it’s normal for the negative to seep in,  I just push through.

It’s dangerous to “look for missing motivation” or have the idea that we “should smile through things,” that type of thinking sets us up for failure. It’s human nature to start up strong and then drop off, just don’t give up. At least, I don’t. I learned a valuable lesson from a trainer a while back when he caught me weeping by the free weights and my non existent biceps were aching, sharing that “sometimes there is no motivation, you just push through.”

That’s a lesson I recalled just this morning when 5am came + caused my alarm to go off which is supposed to signal me to start my Insanity workout with Shaun T. And then 6AM came as did 6:30AM and eventually German poked me asking, “Aren’t you going to do your workout?” I sluggishly put on my socks, shoes, waist trimmer + shorts and hit play on the Core Cardio and Balance DVD. (Don’t judge, I look like a hot gluten mess when I work out) But I did it, today was day #35.

I also found a little motivation that helped me push though, it was an instagrammer with a hot little body that made me say, “Woah, he’s hot! And I want to look like that. And although we don’t have the same frame, I’m three times his size, it’s like he’s a bunny rabbit and I’m the Abominable Hairy Snowman–his stream is keeping me focused! I thought I’d share since his feed isn’t private.  I’m sure this will also keep German focused….and even if it doesn’t, I’m ready for day #36.

 

And if you look at the photos closely, I was taking the screen shots @ 6:20 am while I should’ve been doing Insanity. And just for the record, my own man keeps me motivated–that sexy little Mexican devil–but he’s not the post in my underwear type….which is fine by me!

hot guy in sexy underwear hot guy in red shirt photo 3 photo 4 hot guy in sexy white t shirt

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