Judging a Relationship

When you judge someone else’s relationship–good or bad, you use the following criteria:

  • Your background
  • Your experiences (good or bad)
  • The episodes of Days of our Live you have stored in your mind (or any other media influence)
  • Your personal love history

How fair is it that you cast  judgement on someone else’s connection? What works for you might not work for them. But I guess the reason you judge in the first place is to feel better about yourself.

Why do you think we’re wired to judge relationships? Is it always a bad thing?

Has your relationship ever been under someone else’s microscope? How did it make you feel?

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7 Comments

  • Yes! As ironic as it may seem. My older sister who scrutinizes me, disliked my ex-boyfriend. She said, she didn’t like that his eyelashes were too long and he was too quiet. Personally I think it made his stunning green eyes to die for. He never spoke much around her because she would scrutinize him too. So she made fun of him and would call him names behind our back (she’d call him kill joy) with the rest of the family till one day it finally came back to me. Made me feel bad that she would be so mean. Of course I confronted her about it, but she tried to pass it off as nothing.

    Ironically, her new boyfriend doesn’t say squat and has his face buried in his crackberry most of the time. I just said to her, oh he’s quiet, just like Mr. Kill joy. *evil grin*

  • Yes – but we love to gossip and talk about people. And relationships that don’t fit our ideas of what they should be are fodder for this gossip.

    What’s even more amaze-balls is the number of people that will judge and say things just AFTER a couple breaks up. That’s when the shit and gossip really starts flying and gets a supercharge push through the gay grapevine. To paraphrase Jesus (not my gardner) – take a look at the issues with your own relationship before you start flapping your gums about someone elses.

    • Casting stones is human nature–especially if it’s something you covet. Keeps magazine sales on the RISE and Access Hollywood in business. What do you think would happen if it all stopped?

  • I’m totally guilty of doing this.

    Why, I’m not really sure but, I’ve definitely judged in the past. I like to think that part of this comes from a caring place: I know my friends really well. If I sense that they are not 100% happy in a relationship (even if they don’t overtly vocalize it) OR I see that they are not getting what they need (based on what I’d want out of a relationship: ie. a guy who wants to commit) then I WILL judge. Hmm, does that make sense?

    • I can testify that I too was once a relationship-judger and to a point, I still am–but for a different reason, meaning, now I don’t so much “judge” as I do analyze things–for research. I want to know how is it that YOU’RE making it work? And that’s the beauty of doing this blog–people open up and when that happens, I learn and then pass it along.

      I think you and I have tons in common!

  • What would feel like the worse pain I personally have ever had could feel like a needle prick to someone else and vice versa. So who are we to judge someone elses pain when we all have different pain tolerances.

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