Why Straight Men Suck: The Chemistry Check

Nothing gets me through life like a good 80s sitcom theme song. Think about it–they really got “life” back then and gave us front row seats in our own living room.

You take the good, you take the bad–you take them both and there you have the facts of life.

If that got you in the mood to listen to the actual theme song–take a ride here.
I love it. No truer words have ever been spoken–but I’d make a little tweak and say, “You take them both and there you have the “path” to life. Because, let’s face it, you have no choice but to “take it,” right? And how you react to the good or the bad shapes your character. (But that would never have rhymed and I doubt Mrs. Garret would have gone for it)

Fast forward to today: your life right now. How are you taking the good or the bad? Are you even aware of how you’re “taking it?” How about how you’re “giving it?”

A recent conversation I had with Liz, who is a triple-threat because she’s blond, beautiful and British, went like this.

Nando: How’s the dating life?
Liz: I put myself up on OK Cupid–which I’ve decided to call, OK Stupid.

Nando: What? Why?
Liz: The men I met there are unbelievable. If they aren’t lying about their height, age, weight–they’re total asses.

Nando: How?
Liz: I had a date set up with a guy last week. We were to meet up on Friday. Then on Thursday he calls to say he forgot he had an event to go to on Friday and would have to cancel. But he had a solution.

Nando: Oh God, it scares me when men think.
Liz: He asked if I’d please go outside my office because he was in the area at the moment so he could do a quick “chemistry check”.

Nando: What did you say?
Liz: I told him “No.” What was I going to do–stand out there like Teresa the Cow and let him inspect me as I wait to see if I won the blue ribbon of acceptance from him?
Nando: Girl, you know your MILKSHAKE brings all the boys to yard quicker than a groupon special at Tasti D-Lite! You did the right thing.

Men, I know you’ve had bad dates–we all have. I understand the agony of being stuck with someone for over 30 minutes of painful conversation where there were no sparks–but a “chemistry check” is even beneath your species. It tells me that:

1. You lack emotional intelligence
2. You have the inability to screen your potential dates before you meet them in person deeming you an idiot
3. Your “buyer’s market” mentality is askew

The wrap up:

Not all straight men suck–(I heart you Bradley Cooper) but these single jerks running around New York City sure are giving you all a bad name. And if you can’t follow Mrs. Garret’s advice; “take the good and take the bad” then take mine–“Suck it up, bitches!” You’re passing up on some hotties out there–like Liz, the triple-threat.

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6 thoughts on “Why Straight Men Suck: The Chemistry Check

  • March 30, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    You are hilarious.

    Straight men are cool though, I like them. “Buyer’s market” mentality is a brilliant description, but I think only stupid men (and women) carry it around. You are

    • April 6, 2011 at 8:50 am

      They are cool–but don’t you think they can cross the line sometimes?

  • March 30, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    ….I meant, “I am… so fast that I hit sent before I finished my ode to you”. You are funny as ever.

  • April 6, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    What a tool! Was he planning on just doing a drive by or something? That guy in the pic is hawt, though!
    singlegirlie´s last blog post ..Eleven Inches

    • April 12, 2011 at 1:08 pm

      He is a hottie, right?


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