With so much pressure in society to date, be in a relationship and get married, it’s no wonder we’re tricked into not liking our single status. From laundry detergent ads to mayonnaise commercials, it’s all about families and couples; single people aren’t supposed to wash their clothes or dress their sandwiches with light and creamy substances. And maybe there’s a reason for that–couples are happier, right? Couples living together report having sex 146 times per year while married couples make love 98 times a year, while singles claim to have sex only 49 times per year according to the Durex Sex Survey done is 2003. And their most recent one reports that 60% of people surveyed claimed sex is a fun, enjoyable and vital part of their lives, yet only 44% report they’re fully satisfied with their own sex life. Where does the break down occur? Are we choosing the right partners? Where do we start the analysis? How about on the first date–and let’s focus on the three things men lie to women about.
1. Tell me about your day. Men don’t want to hear about your day; they don’t. Unless you’re an international spy or Angelina Jolie’s nanny, there’s really nothing interesting we find about your work day being miserable because Becky from Accounting stole your yogurt from the company fridge and she’s sabotaging your weight loss efforts. Not all women participate in this type of recall process when talking about their day–so this doesn’t apply to them, but the one’s who do–and you know who you are–stop it. Instead of work, keep the topic light and refreshing, save the drama for your mama. (And by mama, I mean the therapist you’re seeing three times a week) It’s a known fact, women are more detailed oriented than men. Women will quickly zero-in on the fingernail grime on a man as well as the out-of-date hairstyle he’s been sporting since college, so it’s no surprise they want to dive in and divulge every single detail when asked, “So, how was your day?” It’s small talk, it’s breaking the ice and men shouldn’t really ask, but men aren’t all that bright, we read one article in GQ during freshman year in collage and consider that our dating bible. Instead, lead the conversation elsewhere and keep two things in mind, don’t say it all, and what you do say, keep it interesting.
EXTRA READING: 3 Things Women Lie to Men About!
2. After the first date; I’ll call you tomorrow. How do I soften this blow, ladies? He’s not going to call you back. Ever. Really. And it’s okay. Stop wasting time replaying things in your mind, don’t call your friends to help you “Carrie Bradshaw” the situation; just move on. Timing is a major component to dating–especially on the first date. In your head it was lovely, romantic, and you were fascinated with the conversation–but for him, it was boring, he’d rather be masturbating to the latest latex-centered porn involving a Countess named Dita or calling his grandmother for more stimulating conversation. But for fear of being called a jerk on the first date, he’s polite and allows you to steer the conversation back to work. Too much pressure is put on the first date and it’s about time we let the air out. Create an intent for the first date that consists of 3 main principles. One, I will go on this date to have fun, enjoy myself, and to show off my “I’m too sexy for this dress (and Spanx)” vibe/attitude. Two, I will equally contribute to the dates success and keep in mind I’m here to have fun, not fall in love or bring out my mental check list and cross off items that my date does or doesn’t have. And three, I will not attach myself to an outcome other than “having fun”. If you keep this in mind–and he never calls, you’ll be fine in the morning because your mission was accomplished.
3. Sure, I’ll still respect you if we sleep together on the first date. The issue isn’t even about him respecting you, it’s about you respecting you. When that testosterone is pumping, and trust me, it pumps hard, men will say whatever it takes to get you in bed. And some women might be on board with the “it was just a one-night stand and I’m fine with it” so this doesn’t apply to them–this applies to the women who are genuinely hurt when they don’t hear back from the suave guy from last night that did that awesome thing with his pinky finger and that rotating tongue move. It wasn’t anything you did and there’s nothing that could have prevented it–but just as women “know” within seconds if they see a future with a man after the initial meeting–men also have their “sex-sense” about them and will calculate their next move within seconds. Whether it’s, “I can see myself on another date with her” or “Good Lord, how much longer until this is over?” to the ever popular, “See looks like she’s good in bed, I think I’ll go for it”. The first date shouldn’t be about sex; it should focus on getting to know one another and seeing if there’s a connection. The sex part will be much more interesting if there’s a mental compatibility present because you take that connection to the next level when sex is introduced. If carnal-passionate-lust is all you’re interested in–then maybe you should try the sex section of craigslist and save time. Ladies, when you sleep with a guy on the first date, there is no guarantee, return policy or exchanges allowed–it’s like buying seafood at the corner market–you take your chances and hope for the best–unless you faked it, which 48% of women admitted to faking an orgasm according to a 2003 Durex Sex Survey, in which case you win.
Ladies, what else did I leave out? Men, how true is this? Leave a comment.