Are You in the Wrong Relationship?

Am I in the wrong relationship?” I kept asking myself. I woke up one morning and looked over at my boyfriend and my stomach crunched up in knots. I didn’t want to be with him. I never should have been with him. Joe was 19 years older than me and on paper–our relationship was perfect but in real-life, I ignored him emotionally and a year later, he began to plan out his affair.

wrong relationshipEventually, we both got what we wanted–an “out” to the relationship. How did we get there? It was very “Eat, Pray, Love” if you ask me as I’d stay up late wondering how to get out of this dysfunctional partnership. Joe was a wonderful man, so caring, very giving, extremely polished but began asking for signs and clues; I’d ask God for help, but he did nothing. Until the day I walked in on my boyfriend having sex…in our apartment…in our bed…with our friend. When God sends you a sign, he really sends you a sign.

That was four years ago and it took me four years to work out some of my fears, guilt and shame because there’s always shame attached to the person who’s been cheated on. Everyone around me knew, so I thought,  and now I was being judged. But four years later, I’m free of that “wrongful thinking” and I let go of those old records playing in my head. But what were the signs that it was wrong from the start? In my personal path, I see them clearly now.

The 5 signs that you’re in the wrong relationship:

5. You’re not having fun anymore. What’s the point? It’s not always going to be fun and games–but c’mon, it can’t always be miserable.

4. You dread spending time together.

3. You have the same repeated arguments over and over again. (I numbered them and would just yell, “Argument #301”)

2. One partner is extremely jealous of the other making the other person feel suffocated and trapped.

1. Deep inside you’re using them (emotionally, financially, or sexually).

Today, I’m a different person and I’m in a different relationship; one that’s of “our” own design. Before, I wanted to follow someone else’s idea of a relationship, but sleep easier now knowing that a partnership of our own making is much valuable to us than a cookie-cutter one. In a world where originally is key, I can’t help but wonder, “Why are we still modeling our relationships based on someone else’s experience?”

What are the clues for you? How do you know you’re in the wrong relationship? Leave a comment and let’s discuss.

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7 thoughts on “Are You in the Wrong Relationship?

  • August 17, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    I totally agree…it’s hard to let go of some of the ideas of what a “great” relationship is, but each person and therefore each relationship is unique. You can’t force it to be something it’s not. Good post.
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..The politics of dating =-.

  • August 18, 2010 at 1:25 am

    great article!!!

  • August 18, 2010 at 1:46 pm


    I am so sorry to hear this. Atleast it inspired a good blog.

    I realised like 20 minutes ago, that I invest too much in relationships whether it be plutonic or something more. I am the one planning, calling, texting. Relationships are not suppose to be give-and-take all the time… I am always giving, seldom taking. It is time to sit back and be wanted.

    my sign that I am in the wrong relationship: I am the one making the plans

  • August 19, 2010 at 9:59 am

    This reminded me of my sister & her ex-fiance. If you don’t want them touching you anymore, get out. Once your horizontal mambo turns into a ballet solo, it’s time to take your show on the road.

  • March 6, 2012 at 1:47 am

    Ah, #1 is so key… and takes a lot of self-responsibility to admit and change the pattern.
    Great list!

    • March 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm

      You are so right! How do you maintain that level of integrity though? It’s tough at times…right?


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