“Am I in the wrong relationship?” I kept asking myself. I woke up one morning and looked over at my boyfriend and my stomach crunched up in knots. I didn’t want to be with him. I never should have been with him. Joe was 19 years older than me and on paper–our relationship was perfect but in real-life, I ignored him emotionally and a year later, he began to plan out his affair.
Eventually, we both got what we wanted–an “out” to the relationship. How did we get there? It was very “Eat, Pray, Love” if you ask me as I’d stay up late wondering how to get out of this dysfunctional partnership. Joe was a wonderful man, so caring, very giving, extremely polished but began asking for signs and clues; I’d ask God for help, but he did nothing. Until the day I walked in on my boyfriend having sex…in our apartment…in our bed…with our friend. When God sends you a sign, he really sends you a sign.
That was four years ago and it took me four years to work out some of my fears, guilt and shame because there’s always shame attached to the person who’s been cheated on. Everyone around me knew, so I thought, and now I was being judged. But four years later, I’m free of that “wrongful thinking” and I let go of those old records playing in my head. But what were the signs that it was wrong from the start? In my personal path, I see them clearly now.
The 5 signs that you’re in the wrong relationship:
5. You’re not having fun anymore. What’s the point? It’s not always going to be fun and games–but c’mon, it can’t always be miserable.
4. You dread spending time together.
3. You have the same repeated arguments over and over again. (I numbered them and would just yell, “Argument #301”)
2. One partner is extremely jealous of the other making the other person feel suffocated and trapped.
1. Deep inside you’re using them (emotionally, financially, or sexually).
Today, I’m a different person and I’m in a different relationship; one that’s of “our” own design. Before, I wanted to follow someone else’s idea of a relationship, but sleep easier now knowing that a partnership of our own making is much valuable to us than a cookie-cutter one. In a world where originally is key, I can’t help but wonder, “Why are we still modeling our relationships based on someone else’s experience?”
What are the clues for you? How do you know you’re in the wrong relationship? Leave a comment and let’s discuss.