When dating, isn’t fighting easy? Fights pop up so frequently and over “real stuff” or at least it feels real at the moment, like directions to a place, no tweeting at dinner, and the ever-so-popular, “I wanna orgasm first!” And we don’t need practice when spewing out words drenched in hate, disgust, or quoting stuff Skeletor from He-Man would say! It just comes out naturally, like gas after a 7-layer burrito–thanks Taco Bell! But what doesn’t come naturally, or at least for some of us–is how to reconnect after a fight?
Yes, you have to get to the bottom of the argument, maybe the fight over directions was really about your “too tight “underwear causing you discomfort which then put you in a bitchy mood–what? It can happen! Or the argument about making plans without discussing it with the other person–well, that one was just based on you needing food because you get crabby when you’re hungry. Once you can figure out what the root of the problem was–work on not repeating it–because your partner is going through his/her own drama and piling your crap on top like sour cream on a 7-layered DRAMA burrito isn’t going to cut it after a while. (Notice the constant Taco Bell references slipping in? Yeah, me too)
So let’s say you figured it out and apologized, how do you drive the point home? They still feel a little distant and a bit mad over the argument that you started, caused and created. Well, you could offer to put money in their bank account, maybe make them a heart-shaped card with “I’m horny, You can go first” on the inside or you can try these three suggestions.
1. Shower Together.This is an intimate act where there are no distractions–unless you have an over-sized rubber duck in the tub and then you got trouble! But showering together creates an instant dynamic that enhances intimacy. I mean, who can stay angry while your genitals are being washed?
2. Hug it out.I know what you’re thinking, “What am I? In a roller-derby?” I don’t mean, hug it out right after the fight, unless you really want to, but do it when it’s unexpected. We all know that if you’re in a relationship, and have been in one for a while–the hugs stopped. If yours haven’t, child—there is no need to brag–just keep it to yourself and keep it moving! But for the rest of us, when caught up in daily tasks, chores and all the crap a normal day brings–we often don’t take the time to hug. So in a gesture of complete romance and to create a stronger bond with your partner–walk up to them (or behind them) and just hold on tight. Feel one another’s heartbeat and notice as it gets in sync. This works wonders in bed–when the alarm goes off and you have thoughts of suicide or at least killing one of your co-workers…instead, turn around and reach for your partner. Let them know how they’re your favorite person (lie if you have to) and just hug it out. A fight never felt so good.
3. Cook together.If you’re anything like me and my man, you order-out non-stop. I mean, it’s to the point where I’m thinking about changing my last name to “Taqueria Villalobos”. But if you actually spend some time together working on a meal–something that’s going to collect the energy of the people that’s preparing it and transfer it into your body–it might as well be yours. I’m not Martha Stewart, hell, I’m not even Stewart Little, so I won’t offer recipes–but I will say that working together in the kitchen and then eaitng what you’ve created can really help lighten the mood and bring you two together. Just don’t poison one-another–but I recommended trying a new recipe, so that both of you are outside your comfort zone and can really rely on one another.
Remember, you can try all these things, but if you don’t make the first grand gesture to say those two little words (and mean them) then you aren’t really ready to move onto these three steps like the biog boys! C’mon, it’s not that hard, repeat after me, “I’m Sorry.
How do you reconnect after a fight? Leave a comment.
And don’t forget to check out my new eBook,
Dating Stuff: The Things About Dating You Ought To Know available for download, now!