In fairy tales the prince and princess always rode off into the sunset after slaying the dragon, trying on a glass slipper or after a long awaited kiss–and then just like that–they leave us hanging to make up the rest–what then? Do they continue their whimsical love affair after the elves pack up and move out or when the singing mice leave to participate in a rodent-exchange program? Either way, it’s happily ever after for them but for us–once the romance begins we hit the first bump in the road–when is it the right time to have sex?
I wanted to get the HOT TWITTER MEN OF DATING to participate because I wanted a man’s point of view on sex. These three guys are rock stars and if you’re not already reading their blogs–what are you waiting for? In no particular order, this is what Mike Masters (tells it like it is), Jack from Brooklyn (master of seduction) and Fishy (fun, hilarious approach to his dating mishaps) had to say about sex and its timing in a new relationship.
Wise words from Mike the Master Dater: When I was in 18 and in college, my welding teacher took me home and fucked my brains out. She was 30, a bit butch, but had a gorgeous muscular surfer body. We never dated, she just one day invited me over to her art studio and violated me so deliciously that I tried to see her again everyday for a week. This was sex for sex’s sake and it was fantastic.
Since I write for women I often tell them to be cautious, but personally I never ever follow this rule. Strong, powerful, wonderful sex is something that should be able to stand alone without any lingering expectations. Sex does not have to be calculated, it doesn’t have to damaging it can just simply be enjoyed for what it is. When expectation from either sex are forced in, it mars the beauty of “what is” and effectively blocks “what could be.”
Sex thoughts by Jack from Brooklyn: ANYtime works for me. I kid. But not really. When to have sex for the first time is a tricky question and the answer, while seemingly evasive, is equally tricky: it depends. Some (but not all) of the many factors that go into this equation are: How long have you known this person? Are you looking for a serious relationship or a fling? Are you both emotionally mature enough to deal with the consequences of entering a sexual relationship? Do you feel safe, desired, respected, and will you continue to, post coitus? This complex set of variables forms a unique fingerprint for every couple; hard, fast rules don’t apply. The answer in my mind is: feel the flow of energy, and go with it. This might mean first date sex, or it may mean creating anticipation and savoring each sensual moment leading up to the actual act. The best sex is based on connection, and however long it takes to determine that, be it hours, days, or weeks, is worth the wait.
And last but not least, my new favorite dating blogger, Fishy, who makes dating fun again (and the guy is just so hilarious!): Personally, I never have sex on a first date. That would mean exposing my carnal inadequacies (and small nipples) before she’s made up her mind about me. No, far better to wait until the fourth or fifth date – by which time she’ll be so smitten with my boyish charm that she won’t care that I can only last 10 minutes in missionary. A woman also has to think about how she comes across. No man is going to consider a girl who throws her knickers against the wall on a first date to be a ‘keeper’. So, if you’re after more than a quick bit of rumpy pumpy ladies, keep your front bum under lock and key until he’s either: a/ cooked you a meal; b/ introduced you to his friends; or c/ phoned you for a chat for no apparent reason (not including drunken calls).
And what do I think? For me, it’s all about timing–your internal-sex-clock’s timing. Sometimes you wanna have sex after meeting them and for one reason or another you don’t; then you never hear from them again and you’re like–damn it, why didn’t I? (Not because you think having had sex would have made them call–but because it’s what your body was telling you to do) Other times you have sex just for the act of it. Men are like that, sorry ladies; it’s true. And then other times, those special times–those memory-making times occur and the butterflies in your tummy take over and over-power the horniess because those feelings of amazement and wonderment set in–and it’s then, in that time and place that you decide you want to take your time and court the person because when you do finally experience “love making” with them–it’s an inter-twining of souls, bodies and minds that create an experience to remember. And the outcome doesn’t matter–does he call again, do we see each other again–because it was a moment in your lifetime when your internal sex-clock was ringing and now…you’re able to hit snooze.
What do you think? When is it the right time to have sex? Leave a comment.
I liked fish’s
That was pretty funny.
.-= Mike Masters´s last blog ..Sexual Tension – The THC in the brownie of attraction – Part one =-.
@Mike–you really shocked me, you were a “romantic” in your response.
I think I have a guy crush on Fishy. Will Master Dater think I’m cheating on him? HILarious!!!
@Jackie–my new friend! Thanks for participating
and I have a crush on Fishy too, so get in line! ;0)
Trevor Collins here from DateDaily. I’ll tell you what, I think that when it comes to sex, if you have already managed to f*ck each others’ brains, then f*cking the body is the next natural step.
I don’t have sex with any woman who doesn’t f*ck my brain first.
@DateDaily–Trevor, you said a mouthful!
May your lube be ever-flowing and your condoms never break!
Rock on my brutha!
Hey boys, fish is mine.
You guys back off and “Jack” you won’t be cheating if I get to his little nipples first.
.-= Mike Masters´s last blog ..Sexual Tension – The THC in the brownie of attraction – Part one =-.
There is enough Fishy to go round…
And I have to say, the feeling is mutual – all three of your are an inspiration. Great to have some other guy dating bloggers.
Thanks Nando.
.-= Fishy´s last blog ..My Top Five Crushes =-.
Four of my absolute favorite male bloggers all blogging about sex? Wow, what a wonderful morning this has turned into!
This topic – when to have sex – has certainly been making its rounds in the world of dating bloggers!
Time for female bloggers’ responses, perhaps, Nando? (nudge nudge)
My personal philosophy is as of yet unformed on this topic, but I’m no stranger to first date sex and even the occasional one-night (or one-week) stand. But those have usually been because of a connection I’ve felt with that person. Either that, or an especially deceptive glass of chardonnay.
.-= Zoe´s last blog ..Happy Anniversary, *w*w*w*! =-.
BTW, Nando, the brothers from @GuysTell seem pretty cool too. I think they’d be interested in any future all-male blogging collaborations.
.-= Zoe´s last blog ..Happy Anniversary, *w*w*w*! =-.
I now have an even found intrigue for Mike. Because like he says what’s the fun in following your own rules. And then there is Jake who understands that complex variables make any time the right time if you feel the flow! Then and only then do we come to fishy. Who by the way boys I’m throwing my hat in the ring to lay claim to! (and I fight dirty!) Fishy has me now questioning drunken phone calls…..but that’s ok! Great post Nando, but going to let you in on a secret: Ladies also have sex lots of the time just for the act! (you boys all rock my world!)
.-= LostPlum´s last blog ..it’s just me… =-.
“When expectation from either sex are forced in, it mars the beauty of “what is” and effectively blocks “what could be.”
Bu-ut… What if I fully expect to see him weekly, say, we set up a sexdateday? And he fails to meet that Expectation? I, hypothetically (okay not) take a lover, and want to make sure it is a regular occurrence, hence the “taking of a lover”… Can I not have expectations and, ahem, demands? That come off as laying down the simple rules? What say you?
Do I mention I have traveled down this very road before, same fella… backtracking, sure… But we were on the same page. Until…dundundun I have any kind of expectation. Then he becomes a master magician! Poof! Disappears. (though at some point he will be back…he always is). What is it with you men? We are casual, you disappear. We are loving, Poof. We can’t win, I think.
“a/ cooked you a meal; b/ introduced you to his friends; or c/ phoned you for a chat for no apparent reason (not including drunken calls).”
Funny, cute, kind of true… Very good advice. Though all of this pre-sex, can happen, and has, and still…he too can become a master magician post-bumpy-grindy. Though, I admit, could be choice in men. But really, I think it is what is out there. NY men–a league of their own.
There is sex for sex sake, giving in to immediate desire and a sexual connection, and sex as part of a more serious and complex relationship. Personally for a budding relationship I have to go with Jack and Fish – though in my single years there were many times I was in the groove Mike talks of and I don’t regret it, even for those that I had hoped for more but they were all about making that score. Fun is Fun.
Having read all three opinions on the subject, I have made an executive decision. That is, to continue do whatever the fuck I feel like doing in each individual situation. Thanks for helping me with this, guys.
Sorry guys, I’ve had a crush on Plum for six months…would you mind leaving us alone please?
.-= Fishy´s last blog ..My Top Five Crushes =-.
@Mike, Jack, Fishy
Fourgy?