Uncategorized|February 22, 2010 12:02 am

5 Tips to Follow Before Your First Date

Cute Couple of Egghead Characters in LoveYou’re exhausted, you’ve been combing through the online personals heavier than Al Sharpton’s hairbrush and still nothing. What gives? You’re sexy, you dress well, you bleach your teeth, right? But all the men have the typical crappy profile: the same opening line–“I don’t know what to put here, so just ask me,” cheesy photos showing off their nipples and checked off boxes that state they love mountain climbing, football and cheetos–still nothing sparks. And just as you’re about to quit internet dating–once and for all–you see mail in your inbox. You look and it’s a sexy, sultry message from a gentleman who’s using proper English, appropriate grammar and is shoveling out respect, sincerity and it looks as if the message was tailor made just for you–and not a “copy and paste job” that some of the schmucks dole out. (We know it’s being copied and pasted–you schmegegge!)

Before you know it–you’re already on your third e-mail exchange with him and he’s definitely piqued your interest. You exchange numbers and the texting begins. Then one of you makes the first bold move and calls. The chemistry is present so you decide to meet up. Now what? Well, the time between the initial conversation of “let’s meet up” and the actual first date is crucial, very delicate and it can be easily screwed up–so here are 5 MUST FOLLOW tips to not screw things up before the first date. What happens after that…is all on you.

1. Don’t fall for the IYH Syndrome: When we feel sparks and chemistry shooting all over the place, we hop in our love jeeps and make an abrupt U-turn to IYH Syndrome road and look for parking. IYH Syndrome is when you create the perfect guy IN YOUR HEAD and that’s both unfair and sets you up for failure. IN YOUR HEAD, the guy is going to laugh at all your jokes. IN YOUR HEAD, the guy will leap tall buildings in a single bound. IN YOUR HEAD, the guy will know the algebraic formula for slope. Stop it. Right now, just don’t even think about him–you have a date set up, let it go and don’t waste your time looking for the keys to your love jeep!

2. Have minimal contact: Don’t don’t text him every five minutes (good morning, good night, I’m having lunch now), don’t e-mail him photos of the outfit you’re thinking of wearing, and don’t send him hopstop directions to the place–leave him alone and do what you normally would be doing. (And if your answer is–well, I’d normally be online looking for dates–child, we have a problem) And if he’s the one doing it–curve it, let him know you’re excited about meeting and you’ll touch base with him “the day of”. I know it’s been a while since the last date and I’m so happy for you–but don’t go overboard obsessing over it either. Go ahead, send out a tweet, text your friend in Iowa, even mention it in your latest youtube video, but then, let it go. Get back to that report that’s due net week, walk the dog…and if you don’t have a dog, walk your neighbor’s dog–little Fifi will appreciate it.

3. Don’t get too personal too fast: On the few occasions that you do talk–remember, I said few, you must keep it light and casual. Don’t get into what sexual positions are your favorite, don’t ask if they are cut/uncut, don’t bring up the exes (this goes for the 1st date too) and don’t bring up anything that could be used against you in a court of law. Telling him that your mom is so excited about this date is raising your freak flag and he might not show up. Talk about what you do for fun (non-sexual related), friends, and a good question is always: “Tell me something funny that happened to you in the 3rd grade.” Although this may backfire, as I was later asked to participate in the guy’s therapy session as I conjured up a repressed memory–good grief!

4. Don’t send each other naughty photos and steer away from dirty talk: Here’s the insider scoop, men are horny beasts and once they see the full package–they’ll want to move on to something bigger and better or will only focus on sex since you already showed the goodies. This isn’t what you want–right? If he asks for those Playboy photos–just say you don’t have any. And if he offers to send you some–don’t accept, but that might be a huge clue as to what he’s looking for. But some guys will test the waters, we’re horny, but will calm down when asked to do so, so do it. And don’t get into dirty talk–no matter how hot the guy is or how sexy he sounds. It’ll be hard (no pun intended) but don’t do it.

5. Leave some mystery for the 1st date: Just because you’re going out in three days doesn’t mean you need to know everything about the guy before you meet. Get some basic facts–make sure he’s single, feel free to talk about kids (if either of you have any), and talk about current events: Tiger Woods should keep you going for a while. Remember, mystery builds tension, if you already know his favorite underwear and what side of the bed he favors by the first phone call–you have not only hopped into your love jeep and passed IYH Syndrome street, child, you are walking around Crazy Town. Cut the conversation short if you feel either one of you is going through a mental check list; remember, you want things to happen organically, just as they would if you met this person for the first time out on the street.

Following these 5 tips will have you in the clear leaving you plenty of room to get to know your date on the first meet up and vise versa. Now, aren’t you glad you walked Fifi?

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  • Wise words, Nando – I fall for all five of these on virtually every first good date I have. No wonder one of my best mates claims I go on more first dates than anyone he knows, and fewer second.
    .-= Fishy´s last blog ..Mannequin and Me =-.

    • Oh Fishy, it’s hard mate because we all have good intentions,
      trust me, I’m struggling with #1 and #2 but tonight’s the night and
      the build up is intense! Let’s see how it works out.

  • really cool tips – just easier said than done i guess…

    • @OhSoTony–trust me, it’s all about discipline and we all have it.
      It’s just a challenge to call it into out lives. I have my big date tonight
      with my little hottie and he’s been wanting to text and talk–and I’ve
      curved it a lot because I want tonight to be about discovery and really getting to know
      one another–and when you do it through text before you meet, it takes away the mystery,
      the intense moment of wanting to “learn more about him”.

      I also have a tough time with IYH syndrome–cause after a while, I start to
      create all these illusions about who he is and what he’s about…not good.

      I will report back on tonight’s events! Thanks for commenting buddy!

  • I need to bookmark this and remember it for future dates. I always do the “too much contact” way before the first date.
    .-= Dating Diva´s last blog ..You Know When You Know =-.

    • @DD-it’s an easy trap to fall into and I almost fell into it with the guy
      I’m about to see tonight, because he’s been texting me “good morning”
      and a few times time during the day to see how my day is going, but
      tonight’s the night–we will have so much to learn about one another
      because we didn’t text about stuff–so the tension, build up is there.
      Wish me luck!

  • Awesome – and so on point. I’ve broken every one of these rules at times and you learn. I hope your single readers are listening. Esp #1 and #2!!

    • I have broken all of these and it wasn’t until this last
      guy, that I decided to do things a little different–so it’s all in the
      experimental phase–I will let you know how it all turns out.

  • Damn, so I guess those 5-page emails I sent to online dates listing all the failed past relationships I’ve had were probably a turn off…
    Thanks for the tips…my favorite is the IYH comment. I’m gonna start using it. :)
    .-= Kelly´s last blog ..An intro to speed dating… =-.

  • when did you get so wise..these are great tips and even apply to marriage..si

  • LOL oh man, Nando! I fail at dating. I tend to do most of these, but I am going to take your advice. I have a date Thursday and I am going to follow these rules. 😀

  • 2-5 is easy peasy, but I have to admit, eliminating IYH is hard! I don’t MEAN to do it. I don’t WANT to do it. But my imagination is a wild child, so difficult to tame. I think I’m gonna have a first date this week and I’m trying hard to keep it at bay. It’s what we girls fantasize about. And yes, I’ve already imagined him in bed. He’s a stallion, of course. Ararharharhgh.
    .-= singlegirlie´s last blog ..Adventures in Thailand: The Happy Ending =-.

  • Great post, Nando! These are some terrific tips, and I think the theme of your post can be summed up by this quote I love: “The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.” – Voltaire

    Getting too personal, sharing everything, sending naughty photos, giving it all away before/during the first date……it leaves no air of mystery. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting playing games. But I AM saying that leaving him wanting more will more likely garner a 2nd date. :)

    One question – would you confirm the date, or just assume it’s on if you haven’t heard otherwise? Members on GirlsAskGuys often ask about a day-of confirmation, and whether or not it’s necessary/appropriate. What’s your take?

    Mel at GirlsAskGuys´s last blog post ..Katie Holmes says "I’m done with dating actors."

    • Thanks for the awesome comment. You rock! I would “just” assume the date is on.
      I think a day-of confirmation is a bit overload since you’re confirming the confirmation.
      I mean, you should plan a date a month in advance, so if the date was made on Wednesday for Saturday,
      don’t confirm. You’ll be fine.

  • What if a guy plans a date with you on a Sunday for a Tuesday and says he will call with a location. I guess I should do nothing if it is Tuesday afternoon and I have not heard back…. Too bad



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