Stop Looking for Mr. Right

wedding photo w monkeyThose of you who read The Secret will probably hate me right about now, because according to Rhonda Byrne and her life-transforming book, if you want something bad enough–no, I mean really bad enough–you’ll call it into your life. Well, I’m here to tell you–it’s a bunch a hooey with a capital D which stands for desperate and that’s what you’ve become! I’m not talking to the sane people out there who live their lives with normal activities and have an active social life who date. I’m talking to those of you who sit at home countless of hours online searching profile after profile looking for a man, planning weddings, births, adoptions, and showers; those who have even cleared out a few drawers and closet space thinking, “They’re on their way” –SNAP OUT OF IT!

I don’t know how to tell you this but you’re a hot mess. And not just Tom Crusiejumping off the couch” crazy, but Freudian, “You need to be on the couch, crazy! Your life has taken a wrong turn somewhere and your natural human dissopsition of wanting to share your life with someone has turn into a nasty obession and it needs to stop before someone calls animal control on you–cause honey, you’re like an annoying cat in heat screeching its horny love-calls on your neighborhood fence and child,  someone needs to throw a bucket of ice water on you. And here’s the first splash.

Here are 5 reason why you should stop desperately looking for Mr. Right.

1. You’re sickening your friends: Your friends are tired of listening to you complain. Yes, you’re single, we get it–but stop already. Question: Has your social interaction with them decreased? That’s because they stopped inviting “Crazy-Desperate” (that’s you) to the fun. And for good reason, not only are you obsessed with not having a partner, you are OBSESSED WITH NOT HAVING A PARTNER! Good grief, take a deep “single” breath and let it go. It’s okay to be single. It doesn’t mean you’re less than or not good enough, it only means the timing is off.

2. You look desperate to the world (twitter, facebook): God bless us all if you’re on a social media network and we ignorantly accepted you as a friend. All your facebook status updates consist of how you think the Fed Ex guy just winked at you. No he didn’t, he’s got high cholesterol and it’s a clogged vein in his brain causing the ticks. Girl, you have got to pull it together. Twitter and Facebook are not high school yearbooks for you to update us on an minute by minute basis of how the lay-a-way clerk at Kmart–who happens to own a monkey–is flirting with you. He’s actually just happy you’re finally giving a payment on your three-tier toilet shelf. Seriously, stop looking so desperate on twitter and facebook.

3. Your dating criteria has dropped: This was bound to happen. You’ve been clicking away on eHarmony, and Jdate so long that when a man with teeth finally messages you–you accept the date. What happened to your fantasy of a man with teeth AND hair? You used to have a criteria that consisted of good hygiene, a respectable job, and treats his mother nice. Now you’ll accept a date if the guy’s prison record consists of only felony misdemeanors, his medicaid pays for Rogaine, and if his prison-release half-way house will allow you to bring your kids along on Sunday visitations. Take a look in the mirror girl, what’s happened to you?

4. You’re headed for heartbreak, lonely nights and maybe a rash of some sort: When you drop your dating criteria faster than Gillette dropped Tiger Woods, you’ll end up hooking up with the first man who says, “Go get me a beer and some pork rinds, bitch.” And that’s not good, unless you’re Mexican–that reminds me, I need to call my uncle Frank, but I digress. Filling the “single” void is easy to do–why do you think Paris Hilton gets so many dates? But that’s not what you really want. When you’re with someone, the wrong someone, just because you don’t want to be alone at night–guess what? It will happen anyways, because chances are, they’re not going to be dedicated to just you and you”ll end up alone in bed crying while reaching for the herpes cream.

5. You’re missing out on life: While you’re home fearing for your life, because the man–with no teeth, no job and an inverted penis you were dating–turns out to be wanted for murder and his parole officer calls you to warn you–don’t text us for help. We tried to warn you. Your desperate ways lead you down a lonely and dirty , murderous, herpes-filled road and while you’re dialing 911 for protection, we’ll be at a Grammy’s party or at brunch discussing the latest Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony divorce rumor while our iPhones are on silent. Take back control of your life and live it. Enjoy singlehood, it has a lot to offer. It’s not too late, you can reverse all the crazy behavior by heading my advice, “Stop looking for Mr.Right and let him look for you.”

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25 thoughts on “Stop Looking for Mr. Right

  • February 7, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    No offense, Nando, but your version of a full life sounds as desperate and empty as the ones lead by the people you’re criticizing. Aren’t you the same person who likes to post photos of himself on Twitter making out with drunken boys in bars so you can prove to people that you can get some? (Side note: If you have to get him drunk to do it it doesn’t count.) Aren’t you rapidly approaching 40 and still trolling clubs and bars looking for guys to hook up with so you can blog about it?

    As annoying and, yeah, sad these people who obsess over finding Mr. Right can be, at least they’re trying. Who are you to try and shit on other people’s hope just because you’ve lost yours?

    • February 7, 2010 at 12:37 pm

      I’m glad I struck a chord with you.
      Thanks for the comment–and no offense taken.

  • February 7, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    Clark, if you really knew Nando, you’d see the point of this blog. And his life isn’t at all like what you’re describing. I doubt he has to get anyone drunk, and he’s not even close to 40. Get your facts straight.

    You are obviously jealous and maybe this blog caused you to reflect on your life. Which is what a good post is supposed to to. Feel free to direct your anger towards Nando, but he’s got some valid points.

    The blog is about obsessing over finding Mr. Right, and he clearly states that. Obsessions of any sort aren’t healthy.

    And for someone who is annoyed with Nando and his lifestyle (which to many of us seems fun and very interesting) you sure seems to know an awful lot about him. Maybe you should stop 2 of your obsessions, looking for Mr. Right and stalking Nando and get a like of your own.

    Try reaching out to him on a personal level and then judge.

    • February 7, 2010 at 12:52 pm

      wow. that was a mouthful, nathan.
      thanks for the comment, buddy.

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    • February 7, 2010 at 10:55 pm

      Thanks Manny. All my post are meant to get people to think
      about their dating habits–including me, but never meant to hurt anyone.
      I’m Mexican, and we use humor to “bring the truth in” and sometimes,
      in a world or Batmans and Wonder Women, we just can’t see the real super heroes, ourselves.
      That was the point of this blog–don’t wait for someone to rescue you–as in a bf or gf.

      Thanks for reading buddy and for the twitter RT!

  • February 7, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    Oooh luving it ! I’m dateless in my current city but really don’t care .. I’m out having way too much 🙂 Yes I complain, but only in a bitchy sorta way ‘cos I’m yet to find a man with balls to hold his own in front of me .. The men here don’t know what dating is all about LOL

    One should never let their dating criteria drop – doesn’t matter if you haven’t had a date in the longest time – just don’t drop it cos then you start settling for someone who may not match your expectations which will eventually lead to you being miserable !

    I love being single – its taught me a lot about myself. I’m quite aware now how different I can be when in a relationship; and how I am when I’m totally single … Just cos you haven’t found Mr or Ms Right as yet – doesn’t mean you won’t .. just means it’s not time .. as yet 🙂
    .-= Dazediva´s last blog ..Your Voice. Your Blog. Your Blogger Voice. =-.

    • February 7, 2010 at 11:56 pm

      heheh, I love that you’re “oooh luving it!”
      We singles have so much to learn. Having a date is nice and flirting is awesome
      but it shouldn’t “take over” as our main reason for waking up in the morning.
      I think it’s wonderful that you’re learning so much about yourself! Keep
      up the good work student/teacher!

  • February 8, 2010 at 12:41 am

    GREAT POST MY LOVE!!! People need to snap out of it indeed, and learn to love themselves first and not be so desperate to find “love”. When you stop over thinking, and stop worrying thing happen. And if they don’t and you never find “mr.right” you need to be confident in yourself so that it doesn’t matter…..and YES stop with the twitter facebook updates. But then again I guess people being hopeful is better then hearing about the depressive days others are having.
    .-= LostPlum´s last blog ..THE SUNDAY PULL: top coat =-.

    • February 8, 2010 at 8:36 am

      @Lostplum – ah, my voice of sanity. You know it’s funny that I was accused of getting boys drunk and
      then tweeting the photos out. I love that, don’t you? Especially, since it was YOU who twitpic’d the photos
      and were sneaking around the bar while I was being naughty! hehehe.
      We have to meet up again, I feel like some naughty boy/kiss/drunk photos are way over due!

  • February 8, 2010 at 8:53 am

    Desperation with a capital D is what kills the social life. (BTW Clark – Kissing strange boys in bars after drinking tequila isn’t desperation, it’s fun. Try it sometime) But I digress.

    As always Nando you are right on. Desperate friends make things very uncomfortable always looking for that next husband, always afraid of being alone, but they end up driving friends away as well and being even more alone.

    Not to mention that if you are out at a bar or social event, the desperate ones are the people you can spot and avoid like a rash. The relaxed ones happy being themselves are the ones that draw you to them, good or bad.

    • February 8, 2010 at 9:12 am

      Heheh, Mike. You’re too much.
      What’s funny is that 1. It wasn’t a stranger I was kissing 2. I wasn’t drunk. 3. I rarely drink, friends find it weird, but that’s me.
      And you got the point, this was meant for those taking desperate measures in “finding Mr. Right”.
      I had a friend who got involved with someone because he no longer wanted to be single, and it didn’t end up good.
      He lost clarity and his dignity. I miss him.

      Thanks for stopping by. ;0)

  • February 8, 2010 at 9:50 am

    What saddens me is seeing good people fall into this desperation of loneliness and feel like they have to connect with someone. Then they just fall too hard and too fast for the first smooth talker and they become ripe for someone to take advantage of them; emotionally, financially, etc. It’s not pretty.

  • February 8, 2010 at 10:01 am

    Hey, this is awesome. Can’t believe I’ve just discovered you. From one male dating blogger to a another, respect. I’m off to re-tweet you.
    .-= Fishy´s last blog ..The Blog Divorce =-.

    • February 8, 2010 at 12:03 pm

      well I’m glad for the discovery, mate!
      And from another dating blogger… love it. Here’s to a new friendship across the pond!

  • February 10, 2010 at 8:20 am

    Nando you know I loves this post. Uh thank you. Can we get strobe lights around this? Bottom line is, yes love is very important and fulfilling but it cannot be when it is forced and rushed. You are only compromising yourself and your sanity and losing sleep over this fake fantastical ideal of what “Mr. Right” is. What is “right” anyway? It can change in an instant and it is as amorphous as your mood. When it is right you will know, right away.

    On why I CHOOSE to remain single:
    .-= Dash´s last blog ..‘Madre said’…Partie Deux =-.

  • February 11, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    #2 – I see it all the time and it makes me not want to log on to FB sometimes, but I agree. Stop looking. Love (he or she) will find you when you stop looking.

    • February 11, 2010 at 5:01 pm

      It happens without them really noticing–right? but it’s overkill!
      thanks for stopping by and for the polite comment.

    • March 1, 2010 at 4:35 pm

      @Cris–trying to girl, trying!

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  • July 21, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    I wrote a whole blog about Facebook shouting (aka I Love my Life!). It gets obnoxious and people stop listening. We don’t need to know all of that information on a daily basis

    • July 23, 2010 at 5:38 pm

      I can’t wait to read it! Get ready for a visit from the Mexican! Thanks for popping over and commenting!


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