We’ve all heard it; we’ve all said it, “Something’s come up, can we meet another time?” Whether it’s your boss rescheduling a meeting, a friend canceling for coffee or a “significant other” with a significant time crunch-we send the message to the universe, “You need a back-up”. And for the most part, we’re more than happy to reschedule and find alternative plans.
But are we more than willing to apply that frame of mind in our love lives? Should we have a love back-up and better yet; would you ever consider being someone else’s?
On a recent road trip with a friend, we pried open that Pandora’s Box of relationship-talk and discovered we shared similar relationship dysfunctions as we both tend to fall for men who are “just not that into us”.
She, being a single straight female, could spot the signs of her particular Romeo not coming to her balcony anytime soon to woo her with lyrical sonnets and motivate her into a romantic suicide pact, but still she keeps the love light on just in case he’s roaming around in the bushes without his lover’s GPS. And in the meantime, a secret crush on a friend maintains her sanity as she remains single in the city.
Me, a single gay male, can see the signs of my Prince Charming galloping away from me in order to ride into the sunset with someone else, yet hang on to the idea that maybe, just maybe he”ll open his soft brown eyes to the realization that it’s okay to have someone love you and you deserve such love. And with each hour that passes and I’ve yet to receive an e-mail, txt or even a tweet, my Blackberry is never too far away from my heart’s reach “just in case,” because when he does call, it’s hot sex with a dose of passion. But if he doesn’t call, there’s always Ivan, my hot and young Latin back-up; he may not know English, but thank God the skill of rolling his R’s is put to good use.
Have we finally evolved to the point where rescheduling is acceptable, even in our love lives because a back-up is always available? Or have we completely lost the idea of commitment? And if you discover you’re a love back-up, do you sneak out the backdoor and balk at the fact or do you simply “let it be” as you txt your own back-up and reschedule?
great post,
i find that most people (myself included ) are more than willing to HAVE a back-up lover but would never want to BE the back-up lover. i think that its important not to put all your eggs in one basket unless your for sure that a relationship is gonna so somewhere, but you also have to realize you could just be one of someones eggs in their basket
I know–it’s funny how we have those double-standards, but it’s true. Thanks for sharing and leaving a comment, sister! U Rock.
I only recently started embracing this concept. Some people call it “circular dating”. I was of the school that you wait or you dump, but you don’t date before you dump. But, there are just some guys you like to keep in your pocket because they are SO good at rolling their Rs
it’s just unfortunate that they can’t seem to find the time to roll them for you in a more timely manner. I don’t mind being the back-up plan, either, so long as that’s clear from the jump.
Girl, I like that–I used to keep tic tacs in my pocket, but now, I keep a hairy Mexican, instead. Hurt me now!
All my love backups are there for a week and then they’re in a new relationship, and I’m not, and I’m back to square 1. ALL THE TIME.
@Blondie–then that’s not a love back up–but you’re getting closer.
So I was dating this Gambian man, right, and he goes off to Gambia on holiday supposedly for 3 weeks, but it’s been over a month and he’s not back yet. In need of affection, I call on my love back-up, the cute pot dealer who’s been flirty and whom I’ve been secretly crushing on for months. We have one sweet all-nighter driving around in his car, and a wildly drunken weekend after, but no sex. And yet, for the life of me, I can’t get him to text me back!
So it looks like I might be backing up the back-up with the original dude, as soon as he gets back up to the UK from Africa.
*sigh*
Another fun post Nando! Gracias!
.-= PT Lover´s last blog ..The ginormous open bottle of Moet I ended up with last night. =-.
Girl, you are backing-up the back-up? Child, you better stop with your fabulous self!
How long can a guy be someone’s backup? Isn’t that gay or a player? Where can it all end? 20 Years? 30 years? People don’t marry anymore or if they do it doesn’t seem to last. This is an interesting blog.