Dating & Relationships Tip-Is the Hard Part Ever Over?

I read it in countless e-mails, facebook status updates and suspect that if smoke signals were still in fashion–I’d see it there too–the same question, “When will the hard part be over when it comes to dating and relationships?

The concept was birthed somewhere between the invention of marriage and the creation of the Hallmark Valentine’s Day card; the idea of love being simple and that anyone could do it–like bedazzling. The notion was romanticized to the extreme and we took the bait. “Act now: get married and be set for life.”

And for years we’ve seen it played out on the small screen as the main idea as with Sarah Jessica pioneering the way to love or in the form of a secondary plot on the big screen with flicks like SALT with Angelina Jolie. (The man she was in love with went to the depths of the Earth to find and rescue her–I can’t even get my boyfriend to close the kitchen cabinets when he pulls a glass out to drink water)

For many, the dating scene is rough; it’s competitive, frustrating and nerve-wrecking, but it will never go away–because we each have an idea of what being in a relationship is like–and it’s always sunshine and lollipops, right? I’ve never heard anyone say, “I can’t wait to get married in order to go through a custody battle and bitter divorce.” Or, “I’m so excited to be engaged to Mark–I hope he turns out to be gay and comes out 2 weeks before the wedding so we can cancel it and I can dive into a deep destructive tailspin of despair to get in touch with my inner alcoholic.

“And guess what kids?” The hard part isn’t over when you find someone–it’s just begun because you really get into the psychology of that person–especially after the 3-month love-bubble bursts. So the question remains, “Does it ever get better?” The answer–yes.  But the real question we should be asking is, “Does it get easier?” The answer–no. And that’s not a bad thing. I say no because it’s work. It doesn’t have be to painful but it is work–you have to increase communication and make sure you don’t fall into a pattern of “the same old same old” and that’s hard when you come home tired and just want to rest, but instead you find that the laundry needs to be done, the dishes need washing and on top of that–they want you to listen as they retell the story of how they argued with someone at work. But if for that moment, you can bring the “big picture” into perspective…that it gets better, it can be a great relationship-saving device.

Dating will always be a challenge because we’re not bean pods sprouting on command; instead we’re evolving individuals with shifting ideas, concepts and emotions. “Will relationships ever be smooth?” No, but the ride you have depends on your character and how you choose to formulate your behavior and response to the ever-changing circumstances of a relation because in the end–it was never about them, it was all about you, wasn’t it?

Those of you in the dating trenches, do you ever think that once you get involved in a relationship, the fairytale starts? Leave a comment and let’s get Mexican in here!

 

What’s Your Dating/Relationship Superpower?

fat wonder woman

We can have our hair treated with a Brazilian Blowouts, get our faces burned off with chemical peels, and even have the gunk scraped off our feet to make us look like a gleaming Super Hero but at the end of the day, even while having/wearing all the bells and whistles–and not to mention the tight spandex (or Spanx), the Wonder Woman push-up bra or maintaining the Batman mystique–we still fail to realize what our dating superpower is.

I know of a woman who can reject a man in a single bound.

(insecurity)

I know of a man who can insult a woman quicker than a speeding bullet.

(arrogant)

And personally, I can twist words around–so big–that they can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

(bad communicator)

And when you’re dating or in a relationship–these are important factors that can keep you single or get you dumped. So it doesn’t matter how quickly you can duck into a telephone booth and switch costumes or spin ’round like a ballerina on crack, because at the end of the day, if your dating superpower stinks–you stink…and you’re still single.

Are you brave enough to list your dating superpower? (I did) Leave a comment.

Who Are You When You Date?

sexy detectiveI’m funnier when I’m around Cris than when shopping with Lily.

I’m a better listener around Shivy than I am around my OWN boyfriend.

I like meeting up with Nathan because he makes me feel smarter than when I hang out with Nate–who has the IQ of a genius.

I see myself as funny Nando, listener Nando, caring Nando, bitch Nando–and each one is real and authentic. I’m like the Mexican Smurfs–one for each quality. Is it that I just haven’t been diagnosed properly? Could be. But I like to think these different aspects of my character make me 100% Nando. (but I still may need meds)

In dating–do you date Hank differently than Mario? Does Kiki bring something out in you that Amy never did?

Do we date differently depending on the person, the chemistry, or our needs?

MAYBE THE DATE WAS BAD BECAUSE THE PERSON YOU WERE OUT WITH SHOWED YOU ONLY “ONE SIDE” –THE NERVOUS SIDE, THE SHY SIDE, THE TENSE SIDE, THE DIRTIER/SEXY SIDE–AND THAT ONE SIDE OF THEM “REACTED” TO THE ONE SIDE OF YOU PRESENT.

So I ask, “Who are YOU when YOU date?”

Where Bad Relationships Come From

sexy men in jeans1. From the inability to let go of the past

2. From the constant worry about the future

3. From not being polite and never saying “thank you”

4. From being a selfish whore and making it all about you.

5. From not appreciating when they try to help

6. From not understanding kindness

7. From the “it’s my way or the highway mentality”

8. From holding onto your deal-breaker list like it was your life support.

9. From not putting in 10% more than you’re putting in now.

10. From only giving the weeds in your garden the attention and ignoring the pretty flowers  (that’s a metaphor bitches!)

What other ones would you add to the list? Leave a comment.

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