Do You Deserve a Relationship?

Still flying high because of my new relationship with Santiago, I met a friend for breakfast but soon after sitting down, she pointed out the permanent smile on my face. And so naturally, the topic changed to him and all the fun times we're sharing and how waking up next to him feels like the best thing ever. That's when she interrupted me with a cold hard slap.

Shelby: It sounds great, too bad you feel you don't deserve it.

Nando: What?

Shelby: Yeah, you end your sentences with--"But we'll see how long it lasts" and "Cause you never know" and twice you've said, "You know how men now-a-days can be".

Nando: Really?

Shelby: Yes, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Actually, the way you talk--you're waiting for the entire shoe store to fall on your head. Is it so hard to believe you called this into your life and that you deserve someone like Santiago?

Nando: But how do you deserve a person?

Shelby: That's the beauty of it Nando, he's a whole human being--with a past, present and future and he's choosing to be with you, wake up with you, have fun with you. It's been over a month and you two are still growing strong. Now, I haven't known you a long time, but I don't need to know that whoever hurt you before--hurt you in a huge way--but you need to get over that hump to fully experience this new thing you and Santiago are trying to create.

I know they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day--but for me, that day, it turned out to be the most important talk of the year. 

It's funny how we aren't programmed to hear the negative thoughts that spill out of our hearts when they've been broken.

 It's a human response to protect ourselves and keep a little guard up--I mean, who fully "jumps" in love with no net? The risk-takers, that's who. The ones who know they might get hurt, but they hold on tight and buckle up for the ride. And you know what--I want to be one of them, to fully experience the beauty and wonderment of this new love affair. And how can I resist him?

Every morning, after the alarm rings, Santiago turns to me--half asleep with his eyes closed while parting his juicy lips and says the same thing, "Would you please hold your boyfriend for the next five minutes?" And every morning, I respond the same way, with a huge smile and erection. What? He's a major hottie!

Every day thereafter, my breakfast-talk with Shelby, I've held on to the idea that I, Nando, deserve happiness and have called into my life a great guy who's into me and wants us to share a life together. 

A few days ago, one of his friends asked when we planned on moving in together and I was happy to know we were on the same page as we both froze in our tracks. Santiago responded with, "We're still getting to know one another, so not yet, it's only been a month." I responded with, "Do we look lesbian?"

We've had a few quarrels already but compromise is the name of the game and with Santiago, I'm willing to set aside my stubborn Mexican ways for a few of his stubborn Mexican ways. He climbed into bed a few weeks ago with a sneaky grin, "Nando, our first monthaversary is approaching--see, I have it in my iPhone calendar, what do you wanna do?" So I went along with it because it was important to him. We are quickly approaching two months and I'm sure he's planning something, but I've beaten him to the punch with my surprise (insert evil grin). In a time with so many people hunting, searching for dates, boyfriends, and lovers, I can't help but wonder, "When the hunt is over and you've found someone worthy--do you honestly feel deserving of the relationship you've called into your life or are you still letting your broken heart call the shots?"

Have you ever self-sabotaged a relationship? What advice do you have for the rest of us? Leave a comment.