By the Way Wednesday: The Dos and Don’ts of Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

Relationships-dos and don'tsWhat defines a relationship? What defines a healthy relationship? I’m sure the definitions will vary as do the rules/guides that accompany the partnership. I can only speak from my first person experience. And in my last relationship, I was very dependent on the other person to “make me happy” and that meant I expected them to do some: mind reading, carry the financial weight of the relationship, and  love me unconditionally without getting it in return. That relationship failed.

Now, being in a relationship for 3.9 years I feel like I’ve not only grown as a partner but I can honestly say I feel like I’m an awesome fiancé. And here are some of my learnings.

Do:

  • Take care of your teeth
  • Have sexy time!
  • Exercise both your mind & your body
  • Spend time alone
  • Pay for things on a equal basis, not equally (when the money-making ratio is even, then you can do a 50/50 split — if it’s not, make adjustments)
  •  Figure out what chores you’re best at and are willing to do & do them — have them do the same (this is not a 50/50 split either)
  • Take care of another when you’re sick
  • Remind each other of important dates, appointments, gatherings (don’t sit there waiting for them to mess it up–remind them)
  • Spend time together (it should still be fun to meet up and just “be together”)
  •  Make them laugh
  • Hand them a tissue if you do make them cry — then work it out
  • Encourage them
  • Learn to compromise
  • Brag about them in front of others — and mean it!
  • Give them space
  • Remind yourself of the relationship rules you two have established — and keep to them
  • Make them laugh some more

 

 

Don’t:

  • Remind them of their bad qualities over and over again — I’m sure they’re already kicking themselves over it on a daily basis
  • Make them feel guilty over mistakes they’ve made — let it go
  • Say “I told you so.” That’s a phrase that doesn’t take love to the next level
  • Wait until things are bad to “have a talk” — you should always be talking
  • Put them last on your priority list
  • Forget being in a relationship is only a percentage of wat makes you YOU — it’s not your entire IDENTITY!
  • Brag about your relationship on social media
  • Forget to have sexy time!
  • Talk behind their back
  • Let them guilt you into anything
  • Forget your friends — but if they are anti-relationship, be wary!
  • Lose yourself in the process

 

 

I’m sure these are ever-changing, but these are a good start. And I’m positive I have left several things off — feel free to include them in the comments below.

 

Miami and in Love – The 2013 Vacation Chronicles

on south beach miamiGerman and I went on a little Miami getaway a few weeks ago and stayed at the Surfcomber Miami Beach which to me, served 3 purposes.

1. to help us relax and get away from the city which can sometimes drain your soul of all creativity

2.  to get way from the daily tasked and not worry  about the laundry, bills, or things like, “Who forgot to buy the toilet paper?” And “It’s your turn to feed the birds, right?.”

3. to help us reconnect as a couple because after three years together, you start to forget what brought you two together.

And for me, a vacation means not having to do anything…except relax, sleep, relax and sleep and eat. And that’s exactly what we accomplished. Getting a little color on my pale skin would have been brilliant, but I knew I’d be asking too much of the sun and nature.

When you’re in a committed relationship, you can easily forget the goal of the relationship. You get caught up in work, career, school and so many other elements pop up that you need a spot you can escape to and reconnect and Miami hit the spot. For us, our relationship goal is to continue having fun around one another and learning what makes us tick as we evolve and grow as individuals.

Here are a few other highlights from our trip.

As a couple, how do you relax and reconnect? Leave your comment below.

 

 

german 1 nando 1 nando 3

 

Are You Designing Your Own Love Catastrophe?

You are the designer of your own catastrophe — especially when it comes to love. You have reasons why you can’t find “the one” or you’re just too busy or ain’t nobody got time for dat! Those aren’t reasons, those are excuses.

When we use excuses to rationalize our failures, especially when dating, it really is a reflection of you and your flaws. And guess what? Everyone has flaws. You’re not alone. But here’s the difference, they are willing to still put themselves in a vulnerable place.

Can you say the same?

If you look around, no one is in a perfect relationship, they don’t exist. What does exist though? The possibility of finding and creating a relationship that brings joy, love, and vulnerability into your life. Yes, vulnerability. I know what you’re thinking, “But that makes me a target for getting hurt!” Guess what? You’re already hurting. You’re just doing it alone.

What thoughts are keeping you from truly finding joy when it comes to dating?

  • He’s not moving fast enough? Who made you the pace keeper?
  • She’s not the total package? Have you seen the wrapping paper you come in?
  • I need someone who understands me 100%. Mind readers are at the circus find one, pay them $.25, and keep it moving.

Or are your designs more destructive because they highlight what’s wrong with you?

Have you been designing a

  • 10-year sculpture of “I’m not good enough”
  • An oil canvas of “I’m really not worthy” that’s almost done
  • Maybe an intricate installment made of self-hate pieces with specs of shame

Would you be proud to display them? Because you already are. Check your last 10 Facebook status updates. They tell more about you than you ever thought.

If the current life design is not working in your life — start a new one.

Change mediums, change formats, throw away your old tools and start fresh–the old stuff (the past) is contaminated.

Identify + write down 5 of your best qualities and splash, stroke, weave, bend, glue, weld–start a new beautiful design you’re proud to have on display.

The universe and love is waiting with anticipation.

Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps with Dr. Diana Kirschner

Find your soulmate online in 6 simple steps by Dr. Diana Kirschner
Find your soulmate online in 6 simple steps by Dr. Diana Kirschner

Dr. Diana Kirschner was a frequent guest on The Today Show and starred in the PBS TV Special Finding Your Own True Love. She is the best-selling author of Love in 90 Daysand—just out now on Kindle— Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps.  Dr. Diana has helped thousands all over the world use online dating in the most wonderful way—to find a passionate lasting Soulmate connection!  Her free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice newsletter is available at www.lovein90days.com.

And in today’s post, Nando interviews renowned relationship expert + best selling author Dr. Diana Kirschner to help you get one step closer to love.

In this interivew we will discuss the do’s and don’ts of online love + explore the great advice Dr. Diana Kirschner has on finding true love via the internet.

Highlights:

  • The dos and don’t of an online dating profile
  • Catfishing + the money making industry involved in it
  • How many soul mates does a person really have?
  • 3 Things to boost your online dating experience–RIGHT NOW!

 

Listen to internet radio with nandoism on Blog Talk Radio

Click the play button below to listen

 

 

 

Date Slow: Taking Your Time When Dating

Today, we celebrate fast: fast food, fast internet, fast times. Does this mean we have lost the appreciation of slow? Slow seems to be an art form we no longer care for. Sure we can quickly update a status through a phone in under 1 minute or retweet someone in less than 30 seconds, but what happened to slow? Slow is good. Slow is undervalued. There are certain things that can’t be celebrated under the umbrella of fast + speedy, like dating and relationships.

When you date someone, learn to relax, this comes with time. When you date someone, actively listen. Slow down and ask questions, have a nice and steady pace when telling your story. Need to kill some time instead of rushing into a text battle? Make some detox water and let the act sooth you. All these things lead up to a huge reveal that can’t be rushed when time is on your side, if you let it.

Slow down and get to know someone when they’re having a bad day, when they experience joy + excitement. Slow down to understand why what you just said, hurt their feelings.

Give yourself and the relationship the respect is deserves by slowing down to realize that the argument you just started, wasn’t necessary. When we come from “quickness” + “hurry it up” we miss several cues and clues about the other person and ourselves. Wondering what you’ve already missed in the hustle and bustle of your life?

Idea: Stop sabotaging your dates/relationships because you want to fast-forward to the good parts….something beautiful can’t be rushed.

There’s a reason why the turtle won the race against the rabbit, it wasn’t just because he was slow and steady, but because he realized he was on a journey that required him to be present. What are you missing right now because you’re in a rush to get in and get out? Pace yourself and have a taste of slow.

Is your relationship ready for the next level — slowing it down? Leave a comment and let’s discuss.

 

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