Are You Designing Your Own Love Catastrophe?

You are the designer of your own catastrophe — especially when it comes to love. You have reasons why you can’t find “the one” or you’re just too busy or ain’t nobody got time for dat! Those aren’t reasons, those are excuses.

When we use excuses to rationalize our failures, especially when dating, it really is a reflection of you and your flaws. And guess what? Everyone has flaws. You’re not alone. But here’s the difference, they are willing to still put themselves in a vulnerable place.

Can you say the same?

If you look around, no one is in a perfect relationship, they don’t exist. What does exist though? The possibility of finding and creating a relationship that brings joy, love, and vulnerability into your life. Yes, vulnerability. I know what you’re thinking, “But that makes me a target for getting hurt!” Guess what? You’re already hurting. You’re just doing it alone.

What thoughts are keeping you from truly finding joy when it comes to dating?

  • He’s not moving fast enough? Who made you the pace keeper?
  • She’s not the total package? Have you seen the wrapping paper you come in?
  • I need someone who understands me 100%. Mind readers are at the circus find one, pay them $.25, and keep it moving.

Or are your designs more destructive because they highlight what’s wrong with you?

Have you been designing a

  • 10-year sculpture of “I’m not good enough”
  • An oil canvas of “I’m really not worthy” that’s almost done
  • Maybe an intricate installment made of self-hate pieces with specs of shame

Would you be proud to display them? Because you already are. Check your last 10 Facebook status updates. They tell more about you than you ever thought.

If the current life design is not working in your life — start a new one.

Change mediums, change formats, throw away your old tools and start fresh–the old stuff (the past) is contaminated.

Identify + write down 5 of your best qualities and splash, stroke, weave, bend, glue, weld–start a new beautiful design you’re proud to have on display.

The universe and love is waiting with anticipation.

Ask Nando — for a limited time ONLY

 Are you feeling the pangs of dating? Are you left wondering if you’re truly undateable but not ready to commit to dating/relationship coaching? I understand, but that doesn’t mean you’re not experiencing some

frustration centered around dating, right?

Did you have an amazing first date, but they never called again?

Are you getting texts but then they flake out and never make concrete plans with you?

Is the person you’re interested in running hot + cold?

Whatever your burning question or relationship dilemma is…you need  expertise advice! Your friends are a great place for support, but they aren’t always right when it comes to your dating/love life.

For a limited time only–you can ASK NANDO one question for only $.99

Click on the button below and Nando will contact you through e-mail. How easy was that? Stop the confusion + anxiety you’re feeling, and ASK NANDO.

Single in Stilettos New York Dating Conference October 2011

This past weekend I was honored to be the host/MC of Single in Stilettos where several of the New York’s sexaratti were present giving their best dating, sex and relationship advice. The singles education event was organized by the lovely NYC-based Matchmaker Suzanne Oshima. Suzanne’s objective was to give single women access to all the top leaders in the dating industry at one event.

What was covered by the experts? Everything from Bombshell 101 Lessons by the Dating Goddess herself, Abiola Abrams, to Orgasm talks by our very own Luscious Lifestyle Diva, Yolanda Shoshana and we discovered our Diamond Selves with Dr. Diana Kirschner. And not only was I the host/MC of the event where I spoke about my new book Your Dating DNA but  also gave two presentations:  “The Ideal-Man Solution” and “How to Create the Perfect 1st date“.

Bethenny Frankel’s Skinny Girl Cocktails (twitter: @SkinnygirlCKTLS )was the main sponsor for the sexy event and they poured both Skinny Girl Sangria & Skinny Girl Margaritas which heightened the event’s sexy-factor! But Godiva Chocolates (twitter: @GodivaChoc) also worked sexy at the event by also being another luscious sponsor.

 The video below gives you a little taste of what went on.

Make sure to keep checking the Single in Stilettos website for future conference dates.

How Much is too Much When Sharing Your Relationship on Facebook?

We’ve all done it–posted a status update about our partner/boyfriend online. We’ve even tweeted an occasional “I love you” but is there such a thing as over-sharing when it comes to your relationships?

Do you think in today’s society, giving a play-by-play on your relationship is okay or have we reached the saturation point?

Listen to Life Coach, Tara Padua, and I discuss How Much is too Much When Sharing Your Relationship on Facebook?” and chime in!

Listen to internet radio with TaraPaduaCoaching on Blog Talk Radio

Love in the Dumps Moment

I get it–every now and then, the love game sucks…big time.

This goes for those of you dating or those of you in relationships. Things don’t always go as planned. You get dumped, someone you truly cared for leaves you with no explanation, or someone you thought loved you–cheats…with your best friend…in your own bed…using the candles you picked out at Pier One…together. Bastard!

It’s all part of the circle of life–what, you didn’t think Lion King was just for children, did you? Bottom line, everyone experiences a “love-in-the-dumps” moment–everyone. (Some of us more than others, like Jennifer Lopez and George Lopez–maybe it’s just people named Lopez?) The test comes in what you do after that really counts.

That’s the you that showcases your true essence, your core character, your vulnerable side with runny mascara all over your face. Do you give up, take a break, or move forward? Sometimes it’s okay to do all three. I remember one of my love-in-the-dumps moment; I walked in on my boyfriend of two years having sex with someone I considered a friend. Walking into our apartment, something didn’t feel right, there was a strange yet familiar backpack perched near the coffee table yet no one was in the living room and when I looked across the apartment–the bedroom door was closed–which was unusual. My boyfriend peeked out of the door, then quickly shut it, yelling, “I want you out of the apartment!”

What happened next was classic story-book: I freaked out, had a panic attack and passed out.  I “came to” with the guy  who was sleeping with my boyfriend giving me CPR while 9-11 was being contacted. I discovered two things at that moment: 1. The guy wasn’t a bad kisser and had incredibly good breath and 2. I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for; not only because I was able to break the door down after they had locked themselves in–but because I decided at that moment, that I was better than this and deserved a clean and honest relationship–the opposite of what I was currently experiencing. I remained single for the next five years–giving myself time to identify my part in my failed relationship–and although that wasn’t pretty, it had to happen in order to grow, learn, and forgive; things we need in order to heal when a break in our love-chain occurs.

At your next  “love-in-the-dumps” moment, and it will happen, try to remember two things: 1. Fresh breath isn’t always the mark of a good man and 2. It’s not the ending…things have just begun.

Have you had a “love-in-the-dumps” moment? Are you going through one right now? How are you/did you get through it? And what did you learn? leave a comment and let’s start the discussion!

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