If you’re a straight woman and your husband is always checking out gay guys, and it bothers you–you might have a problem on your hands. But first, let’s lay down some foundation before we all jump to conclusions. Because of rigid defined stereotypes of what masculinity is and what it should look like, men are lumped into a space where complimenting another man on clothes, style or looks is out of the norm. The first thought is, “He must be gay.” But the reality is with the huge metrosexual craze finally dying down and the lumbersexual phase being ushered out, maybe we’ve gotten to a point where it’s okay to check guys out? We know that sexuality is fluid and not 100% one way or the other.
You can take this advice and apply it to your spouse, friends, or colleagues. It will work in any situation but there is a level of wanting to work it through on your behalf in order for this to work. If you’re looking for ways to play victim or point all fingers at them — this is not for you. This is for real people seeking real solutions on dealing with your anger and your spouse/husband.
1. Have compassion and realize that they are probably kicking themselves for the exact same reason you’re mad. It might not come as natural to remember certain likes or several of your dislikes. Or it might be that they are careless with money and are truly trying hard to budget. Realize that if there is an area they are struggling with, they may be afraid or insecure to ask for help since you slip into anger mode so easily. Don’t excuse their behavior but try a little compassion–it will go a long way. Besides, don’t you want the same in return? You’re not perfect. Ouch!
2. Take a step back and ask, is this really the issue? Many times we lash out in situations and we’ve been bubbling with anger or resentment for days, weeks, even years. Get to the bottom of things. Are the dishes in the sink really the issue or is it that you feel disrespected because you’ve explained how this is bothersome and you still encounter a cup and dirty spoon once or twice a month? Uncovering the root will help with resolution–but it takes some self examination and self awareness, you can do it. You’d want them to also do this instead of going all Tyra Banks on you for eating the last Nestle ice cream crunch bar.
3. Realize there is a price of admission in relationships. In the real world, there is no perfect person and there is no “settling down” without “settling for.” Come to realize that you both have flaws and deal with them. Is he the sweetest, caring, and loving person who just happens to leave his shoes all over the apartment? Deal with it. Is he always there for you when you need someone and has your back no matter what, yet leaves dishes in the sink? Oh well. (Notice I’ve thrown in dishes in the sink twice? Sorry, babe) In the real world of relationships there is no fairy tale ending, just the one where two people put in work to make it another day. Some days are fun and amazing while others may be dreadful and full of yucky stuff. You just have to decide what’s the price of admission in your relationship and the sooner you do, the faster you can get on with your fun times.
You are the designer of your own catastrophe — especially when it comes to love.
What new love designs are you working on?
He’s not moving fast enough? Who made you the pace keeper?
She’s not the total package? Honey, have you seen the wrapping paper you come in?
I need someone who understands me 100%. Mind readers are at the circus find one, pay them $.25, and keep it moving.
Or are your designs more destructive because they highlight what’s wrong with you?
Have you been designing a
10-year sculpture of “I’m not good enough”
An oil canvas of “I’m really not worthy” that’s almost done
Maybe an intricate installment made of self hate pieces with specs of shame
Would you be proud to display them?
If the current life design is not working in your life — start a new piece.
Change mediums, change formats, throw away your old equipment and start fresh–the old stuff (the past) is contaminated.
Identify + write down 5 of your best qualities and splash, stroke, weave, bend, glue, weld–start a new and beautiful design you’re proud to have on display. The universe and love is waiting with anticipation.
Are you feeling the pangs of dating? Are you left wondering if you’re truly undateable but not ready to commit to dating/relationship coaching? I understand, but that doesn’t mean you’re not experiencing some
frustration centered around dating, right?
Did you have an amazing first date, but they never called again?
Are you getting texts but then they flake out and never make concrete plans with you?
Is the person you’re interested in running hot + cold?
Whatever your burning question or relationship dilemma is…you need expertise advice! Your friends are a great place for support, but they aren’t always right when it comes to your dating/love life.
For a limited time only–you can ASK NANDO one question for only $.99
Click on the button below and Nando will contact you through e-mail. How easy was that? Stop the confusion + anxiety you’re feeling, and ASK NANDO.
This past weekend I was honored to be the host/MC of Single in Stilettos where several of the New York’s sexaratti were present giving their best dating, sex and relationship advice. The singles education event was organized by the lovely NYC-based Matchmaker Suzanne Oshima. Suzanne’s objective was to give single women access to all the top leaders in the dating industry at one event.
What was covered by the experts? Everything from Bombshell 101 Lessons by the Dating Goddess herself, Abiola Abrams, to Orgasm talks by our very own Luscious Lifestyle Diva, Yolanda Shoshana and we discovered our Diamond Selves with Dr. Diana Kirschner. And not only was I the host/MC of the event where I spoke about my new book Your Dating DNA but also gave two presentations: “The Ideal-Man Solution” and “How to Create the Perfect 1st date“.
Bethenny Frankel’s Skinny Girl Cocktails (twitter: @SkinnygirlCKTLS )was the main sponsor for the sexy event and they poured both Skinny Girl Sangria & Skinny Girl Margaritas which heightened the event’s sexy-factor! But Godiva Chocolates (twitter: @GodivaChoc) also worked sexy at the event by also being another luscious sponsor.
The video below gives you a little taste of what went on.