Why do married people cheat? I was doing research on the topic and found all sorts of reasons, theories, techniques, and excuses. Just do a quick google search on “why married people cheat” and the internet is a plethora of information–and although some of it might be true, what’s also true is the hurt it causes and leaves behind.
When a person cheats, there is a calculated and secret component that some get off on. And that’s the part, when the affair is discovered, that hurts the most. Jim McGreevey, who declared himself a Gay American, after coming out in a press conference (only after the threat of blackmail came into play) later revealed that while his wife was in the hospital giving birth to one of their children — he was out with his lover having the time of his life. #CheatersLife
Another concept of why people cheat is sexploration: meaning sexual activity with no emotional component or connection. This is the concept of “it didn’t mean anything” and it was pure desire and animal instinct. Those words don’t make the pain any less potent, but there you have it — a reason for infidelity.
Can’t Stop Fighting with My Husband
I posted something on Facebook and a close friend of mine grabbed my attention because her response was hilarious but very telling of what she was going through. Gifs are powerful, especially ones with a little duck being dragged around by a merry-go-round and his feathers being disbursed throughout the scene. I texted her and was on a call with her an hour later.
Instantly improve your relationship by improving your listening skills
If you were to stop 10 couples on the street…anywhere, the response would be the same, “My partner doesn’t listen to me!” And they’re not referring to taking out the garbage or some other chore around the house (I mean, that too, but)–they are referring to active listening skills.
My Husband is Always Checking out Gay Guys
If you’re a straight woman and your husband is always checking out gay guys, and it bothers you–you might have a problem on your hands. But first, let’s lay down some foundation before we all jump to conclusions. Because of rigid defined stereotypes of what masculinity is and what it should look like, men are lumped into a space where complimenting another man on clothes, style or looks is out of the norm. The first thought is, “He must be gay.” But the reality is with the huge metrosexual craze finally dying down and the lumbersexual phase being ushered out, maybe we’ve gotten to a point where it’s okay to check guys out? We know that sexuality is fluid and not 100% one way or the other.
You can take this advice and apply it to your spouse, friends, or colleagues. It will work in any situation but there is a level of wanting to work it through on your behalf in order for this to work. If you’re looking for ways to play victim or point all fingers at them — this is not for you. This is for real people seeking real solutions on dealing with your anger and your spouse/husband.
1. Have compassion and realize that they are probably kicking themselves for the exact same reason you’re mad. It might not come as natural to remember certain likes or several of your dislikes. Or it might be that they are careless with money and are truly trying hard to budget. Realize that if there is an area they are struggling with, they may be afraid or insecure to ask for help since you slip into anger mode so easily. Don’t excuse their behavior but try a little compassion–it will go a long way. Besides, don’t you want the same in return? You’re not perfect. Ouch!
2. Take a step back and ask, is this really the issue? Many times we lash out in situations and we’ve been bubbling with anger or resentment for days, weeks, even years. Get to the bottom of things. Are the dishes in the sink really the issue or is it that you feel disrespected because you’ve explained how this is bothersome and you still encounter a cup and dirty spoon once or twice a month? Uncovering the root will help with resolution–but it takes some self examination and self awareness, you can do it. You’d want them to also do this instead of going all Tyra Banks on you for eating the last Nestle ice cream crunch bar.
3. Realize there is a price of admission in relationships. In the real world, there is no perfect person and there is no “settling down” without “settling for.” Come to realize that you both have flaws and deal with them. Is he the sweetest, caring, and loving person who just happens to leave his shoes all over the apartment? Deal with it. Is he always there for you when you need someone and has your back no matter what, yet leaves dishes in the sink? Oh well. (Notice I’ve thrown in dishes in the sink twice? Sorry, babe) In the real world of relationships there is no fairy tale ending, just the one where two people put in work to make it another day. Some days are fun and amazing while others may be dreadful and full of yucky stuff. You just have to decide what’s the price of admission in your relationship and the sooner you do, the faster you can get on with your fun times.