It was one year ago today that German and I slushed our way through the snow and said “I do” in front of an impatient city hall worker in New York City and got married. Our official witness was one of my best friends, Charlene but also present were her then boyfriend and our Russian immigrant photographer Vlad who would constantly spit out phrases like “Put heads together like so” while bringing his hands together in a clapping motion. It was romantic, it was intimate, it was rushed as there were 200 other couples waiting to be married after us. Our officiant, after telling us we could now seal our marriage with a kiss, yelled “Next!” and we rode off into the sunset…or in our case, took a flight to Miami Beach and said goodbye to the snow.
This year won’t be any different — we leave for Miami tomorrow, except it is different, we’re an old married couple now, with a baby, our little Leona. She’s our 1 year old shih tzu puppy who’s taken over our lives (if our instagram and Facebook accounts are any proof). She’s already been to Texas and Iowa and now it’s beach time and we’re super excited. But we like to think we’re a modern married gay couple living in Brooklyn New York. We Snapchat to communicate important messages to one another like, “Don’t forget the Nair tonight!”
And while German was Nairing my back last night, I couldn’t help to think how our lives have changed in just one year. It’s easy to get caught up in every day crap and the stress of “Keeping up with the Kardashians” so I’ve developed a calming device for myself and it’s speaking to myself as my older-wiser-self. I’m sure there’s a study somewhere cautioning this as an early cause of a personalty split, but for now it works. I talk to myself from “the future” in order to not stress out and put things into perspective. Let’s say I have a presentation to give and I’m freaking out about it. I talk myself down from the edge and pretend it’s a week later and say something like, “That presentation was so sexy hot, I’m thinking of changing careers…thanks Nando! And who does your hair?” Or if I have to give an update on a project I’m working on and I haven’t received all the content I need to show much progress, the conversation in my head goes something like, “Wow, you’ve really taken being the lead on this project to the next level Nando. I’m so glad we hired you! Best decision ever! And who does your hair?”
I figured I could use this device in the positive and it got me excited to think about the future with German and our 10-year wedding anniversary. Here are the things I’ll be discussing with him as he Nairs my back on that trip. (And by now you’re probably wondering just how hairy is my back — well, let’s just say, it’s a Zach Galifianakis situation…don’t judge)
- Do you remember our wedding day? No it wasn’t raining, it was snowing, read the blog!
- Geesh, can you warm up the Nair in your hands a little more?
- I can’t wait to hit the beach and nap. Do you think they’ll bring us Jell-O?
- Did you buy the extra metamucil packets?
- Joe’s Stone Crab is only a few hours away.
- Yes, clip your toenails before we leave.
- I don’t know, who am I? A weather man?
- Oh yeah, take the blue one — you look extra sexy in that one!
- Should I take the red one? You know, the red one? The red one? THE RED ONE? Forget it.
- Leona on our 1st wedding anniversary…remember how she peed in the pool?
- I love you.
- THE RED ONE!
- We saw Frozen on our honeymoon in Miami.
- Wanna do that spa thing we did with the torture chamber water thing that goes across your back that we did? Did you like that? It was weird…but in a good way, right?
- Damn it, you always miss a spot! I’m walking around the beach with Donald Trump’s head sticking out of my back.
- Should we try going somewhere different next year for our anniversary? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
- Our first date? Yeah, of course I remember it. I called you Santiago when I wrote about you because I wanted to protect your identity.
- Don’t forget you have 3 photography sessions when we return and I have a consultation with Shonda Rhimes on the show she wants to do on my life called “Nando.”
- Is Snapchat still a thing?
- You really don’t remember the red one?