The J.Lo Relationship Syndrome — And How to Avoid it

DNA consists of the substance that carries the genetic coding of every living organism. Our Dating DNA is the foundation that carries our beliefs of how a date/relationship should be experienced.

You can change your Dating DNA to create a better outcome in your dating/relationship–but has someone told Jennifer Lopez?

Jennifer Lopez and many of you out there suffer from something I call the J.Lo Relationship Syndrome (JRS) but you no longer have to suffer through it. I will show you how to self-examine yourself so you can catch a flare up if you’re experiencing one. You know you’re infected when you hop from relationship to relationship searching for that “missing” piece of life that will bring you happiness not allowing yourself time to heal the “brokeness” inside. Don’t believe me. Let’s start with Jennifer Lopez’s dating/relationship timeline.

  • 1997 – Jennifer Lopez marries Cuban-born Ojani Noa
  • 1998 – Jennifer Lopez divorces Ojani Noa
  • 1999 – Jennifer Lopez starts to date Sean “P. Diddy” Combs
  • 2001 – Ends her relationship with Sean “P. Diddy” Combs
  • 2001 – Marries Chris Judd (really, same year?)
  • 2002- Jennifer and Chris separate
  • 2002 – Jennifer is engaged with Ben Affleck (when did she have time to date him?)
  • 2003 – Jennifer’s divorce from Chris Judd is finalized
  • 2004 – End engagment with Ben Affleck (what? really, Jennifer?)
  • 2004 – Marries Marc Anthony (when did their courtship being?)
  • 2011 – Ends marriage with March Anthony (although rumors say it actually ended 2 years after their marriage)
  • 2011 – quoted as saying she’s now ready for “Love to enter her life”


The J.Lo Relationship Syndrome is a serious problem that repeats itself unless caught early. A person suffering from JRS  has to give themselves time to heal from their last relationship and use the time to examine their Dating DNA to identify why their relationship ended. People who suffer from this dating syndrome fail to rub “time” ointment on their hearts. Time ointment is an important factor in over coming J.Lo Relationship Syndrome because while you’re healing–alone–you get to rediscover and reconnect with yourself. A person suffering from JRS uses relationships to falsely heal something broken or they have no concept of what she wants in a relationship. Many of us experience small cases of JRS but now there’s hope!

If you’ve just gotten out of a relationship and feel you are ready for the next one–make sure you can easily identify your Relationship Parting Gift. If you still can’t, then you’re not ready to date, much less engage in a relationship. I know we all want to be loved and I know for sure we all deserve love, but you have to have a clear idea of what “love” is before you can find it. It’s like interviewing for a job and accepting it and on the first day you start, you ask, “What are my job responsibilities?”

How to avoid J.Lo Relationship Syndrome: 

1. If you were in a previous relationship–you must have identified your last relationship parting gift.

2. Have a clear understanding of what love looks like to you. (Not Carrie Bradshaw’s version or any other fictional character)

3. What ideas/beliefs are collected in your Dating DNA and examine–which ones to hang on to and let go of.


Do you know anyone who suffers from J.Lo Relationship Syndrome? Have you ever had a small case of it? Leave a comment and let’s discuss.


Relationship Parting Gift (RPG)

I grew up watching game shows; anything that involved spinning a wheel vertically, horizontally, slapping buzzers, or just spitting out answers–I watched, with great interest. And I was fascinated with the idea of–even the people who lost walked away with a consolation prize. Sure, it might be a months supply of Rice a Roni (The San Francisco treat) as opposed to a new car–but when you’re growing up Gay, Mexican and Adopted–any little things counts because it was something you walked away with–a product you now have that you didn’t a few moments ago.

If we apply the game show concept in dating/relationships, I believe we would walked around a little bit taller, a tad more cheerful and feeling a whole lot better about ourselves. As long as you knew what your Relationship Parting Gift was (RPG).


  • Instead of free box of rice you receive a box of “You’re stronger & wiser now!”
  • Forget the 2 day get-a-way at the ski resort, you just got a lifetime’s supply of “Recognizing you deserve better!”
  • And you really don’t need a shiny new diamond bracelet, but you do need the sparkling knowledge of “You really can’t fix someone.”

Understand that  your RPG is something you get regardless if you want it or not–so shake your partners hand on last time, smile to the universe and walk out with our RPG and say thank you. I will say it again, when a relationship ends, we all receive an Relationship Parting Gift–the hard part is figuring out what it is.

Understanding what our RPGs are is not a simple task. It’s not like the universe shows you what’s behind door number two and unveils the idea of “I deserve a clean and open-communicative relationship” in a box. An announcer doesn’t shout “Thank you for participating in this year’s journey, Courtney, but you’re not leaving empty handed–you’re leaving us today with a 30-day supply of  “When you decided to be his mistress you also slapped a label on yourself which read: I’m #2.”

And you know those people in the audience that think they’re helping you: they’re your life line or maybe they’re screaming the answer they’d give were they to be in your shoes–well, those are your friends, your family, the Sex and the City episodes you’re referencing in order to help you out when you just don’t know the answer. Sometimes, with their help, the outcome is in your favor–but other times you hear the sound of the gong or the “wah-wah” music is cued announcing you just lost the final round.

But since society hasn’t advanced to those levels yet, it’s up to us to figure out what our RPGs are. And if you don’t figure them out–you’ll soon find yourself in another relationship going for the big prize but unfortunately will only qualify for  the RPG instead. Sound familiar?

Take time out from dating or relationshipping (to me relationship is a verb–an action verb) and discover what your latest RPG is. Let the universe guide you to appreciate it a little more today than yesterday.

If your dating life or relationship was a game show–what would be its name? And what Relationship Parting Gifts can you recognize from your past?

What’s Your Dating Label?

In a world where labels are perceived good when it comes to clothing but considered inappropriate for people–I say false.

Some people in my life, I gladly label: the nice one, the nurturing one, the hilarious one, the grit-your-teeth-here-she-comes-one, the smart one. This is only one small portion of who they are, but based on their dominating feature: the feature that I see and interactive with the most in a person, I slap a label on them, that’s how my brain processes/identifies people.

It’s like a human filing system. Right or Wrong, I think we all do this

When it comes to dating–what labels do you think people put on you? The flake? The one who always runs late? The talker? The drunk? The sexed-up-one who gives hand jobs under the table? The judger? The “I can cancel as many times and she”ll still accept the next date” one?

What label do you give yourself?And most importantly–what label are you aspiring to be?

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