Are You Designing Your Own Love Catastrophe?

You are the designer of your own catastrophe — especially when it comes to love. You have reasons why you can’t find “the one” or you’re just too busy or ain’t nobody got time for dat! Those aren’t reasons, those are excuses.

When we use excuses to rationalize our failures, especially when dating, it really is a reflection of you and your flaws. And guess what? Everyone has flaws. You’re not alone. But here’s the difference, they are willing to still put themselves in a vulnerable place.

Can you say the same?

If you look around, no one is in a perfect relationship, they don’t exist. What does exist though? The possibility of finding and creating a relationship that brings joy, love, and vulnerability into your life. Yes, vulnerability. I know what you’re thinking, “But that makes me a target for getting hurt!” Guess what? You’re already hurting. You’re just doing it alone.

What thoughts are keeping you from truly finding joy when it comes to dating?

  • He’s not moving fast enough? Who made you the pace keeper?
  • She’s not the total package? Have you seen the wrapping paper you come in?
  • I need someone who understands me 100%. Mind readers are at the circus find one, pay them $.25, and keep it moving.

Or are your designs more destructive because they highlight what’s wrong with you?

Have you been designing a

  • 10-year sculpture of “I’m not good enough”
  • An oil canvas of “I’m really not worthy” that’s almost done
  • Maybe an intricate installment made of self-hate pieces with specs of shame

Would you be proud to display them? Because you already are. Check your last 10 Facebook status updates. They tell more about you than you ever thought.

If the current life design is not working in your life — start a new one.

Change mediums, change formats, throw away your old tools and start fresh–the old stuff (the past) is contaminated.

Identify + write down 5 of your best qualities and splash, stroke, weave, bend, glue, weld–start a new beautiful design you’re proud to have on display.

The universe and love is waiting with anticipation.

Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps with Dr. Diana Kirschner

Find your soulmate online in 6 simple steps by Dr. Diana Kirschner
Find your soulmate online in 6 simple steps by Dr. Diana Kirschner

Dr. Diana Kirschner was a frequent guest on The Today Show and starred in the PBS TV Special Finding Your Own True Love. She is the best-selling author of Love in 90 Daysand—just out now on Kindle— Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps.  Dr. Diana has helped thousands all over the world use online dating in the most wonderful way—to find a passionate lasting Soulmate connection!  Her free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice newsletter is available at www.lovein90days.com.

And in today’s post, Nando interviews renowned relationship expert + best selling author Dr. Diana Kirschner to help you get one step closer to love.

In this interivew we will discuss the do’s and don’ts of online love + explore the great advice Dr. Diana Kirschner has on finding true love via the internet.

Highlights:

  • The dos and don’t of an online dating profile
  • Catfishing + the money making industry involved in it
  • How many soul mates does a person really have?
  • 3 Things to boost your online dating experience–RIGHT NOW!

 

Listen to internet radio with nandoism on Blog Talk Radio

Click the play button below to listen

 

 

 

How to Get Unstuck When Dating

Satc-sex-and-the-city-dating rut and unstuckThe issue: I’ve overheard many singles say, “Oh, I’m in a dating rut.” But, I’m not sure what that means. I’m not sure if it’s an accurate statement that anyone other than a Sex and the City Character should ever say.

When I was single, dating was an adventure and yes you go on several dates and meet with the racists, the cheapskates, or even a republican or two–but it never felt like a rut.

The redirection: I’m sure at work you don’t claim to have ruts when you have to work alongside the racist, the cheapskate or the republican–you just work around them. You can’t go to your boss and say, I refuse to work with Andy, the project manager, because he has bad breathe and he doesn’t split the lunch tab equally. Unless you have a secret trust fund, you just shut the hell up, don’t get too close to Andy’s mouth and hold your breathe a lot–and strategically spill  Altoids on Andy’s desk.

The Fact: The reason people claim to be in a dating rut is that, they’re stuck. And they’re stuck on perfection. You’re stuck in a cycle of bad dates. You’re stuck on the idea of the perfect person. You’re stuck on the perfect date. You’re stuck on the perfect  _________________(fill in the blank).

And it’s okay. You will get unstuck by keeping it going. Keeping YOU going. We’ve all been there–so why do YOU get to skip this part of dating? You don’t. Welcome to stuck.

My advice: Don’t “rut out” on dating; instead, just work around it–the great part is that you never have to date them again–don’t you wish that were the same case with your coworkers?

 

 

When Dating, Do You Upsell?

I spend the majority of my time reading books + then applying their messages to my everyday life. If it’s a business book, I try something new with my blog, merchandise and take things to the next level–but because I’m seriously passionate about dating, relationships + helping others, I always relate the info back to dating + relationships. If it’s a book about marketing, strategy or even how to be the most likeable in business, my mind always filters it into…you guessed it–dating + relationships.

As I finished reading my last book, The $100 Start Up by Chris Guillebreau, in chapter 11, he dicsucces the idea of an upsell. We all get this idea. You sell someone a product and right before they make the purchase, you introduce them to another one of your products they might also be interested in. It’s like when Amazon.com shows you the “other related items” on the check out page. “Oh, I guess I will need this toothpaste that will pop in my mouth if I order my new toothbrush that glows in the dark,” you say to yourself as you click on Pop’n Toothpaste. Yeah, like that. But before you decide to make another purchase, you trust the site, the seller or the place of business, right? There’s also a trust factor when dating which gets you to the second date…and the third…and so on.

When people lie on their dating profiles about their weight, age, or even their hair factor, it’s because of an insecurity. Why else would a guy lie about how tall he really is? Or a woman fib about those extra love pounds she’s hiding inside a girdle? What people don’t realize is that you are ruining your DATING TRUST FACTOR. What people should really be doing is selling themselves “AS IS” online and on the date–go for the upsell. I went out with a guy once who had decent photos online. When we met, sparks, fireworks, passion overflowed. It was like my internal Mexican volcano irrupted when I saw him walking towards me. Was this the guy? It looked him, but not really? He was actually using bad photographs in his profile that didn’t do him any justice. Yeah, I’m talking about my current boyfriend, German Marin.  He totally under-promised yet over-delivered! He was funny, an amazing listener + had a sweetness about him that to-the-date still makes my hear pitter-patter. That was the upsell. He was so much more than what I expected. Keep in mind, the upsell doesn’t have to be a sleazy situation, like having a magnum-sized condom fall out of his wallet or having her insert an entire beer bottle into her mouth. Side comment: The mobile pics German he was were taken by friends.

Don’t let insecurities ruin your business, job, or dating/relationship life. Always “Sell as AS” but then go for the upsell once you’ve built that DATING FACTOR TRUST. Keep in mind that you want to build trust while having fun when dating, otherwise, you’ll become a one-date wonder on the prowl with eventually no prospects but Asian escorts on the back of the Village Voice.

 

Dating is like a Fitting Room

If you’re on a dating website, being asked to go on a blind date, or open to some app’s logarithm matching you up with your soul mate, then you’re putting yourself out there and eventually, just like the old lady with flowered pants, bad eye-sight and a wrinkled face at a Vegas slot machine, you’ll hit the jackpot–a first date. The first date is always a fine balance of nerves, exciement, a blank possibility of something, and high expectations–unless your serotonin levels are low, then you bring your friends, “I’m jaded” and “low expectations” along and that always makes for a fun time.

Let’s fast forward to the end of the date–when the small talk is over and both parties have already made a snap judgement of “do I really want to see this person again?” What do you do if you don’t? Should you lie, be nice or tell the truth on a first date? Before you answer, I’d like you to imagine your last shopping experience. You walk into a store because the mannequins in the window look hot in the display and you know you’d look equally hot (you choose to ignore things like backfat and that the mannequins body type do not exist in actual human form). So you dig through the racks and don’t find your size–but you REALLY want this outfit. Your next strategy is to look for a sales person and contact your higher power for guidance. The sales girl is rude and judges you immediately and barks  the standard, “That’s all we have–there is NOTHING in the back” then walks off to gossip about you. Do you throw a fit? Or do you conclude that maybe this store doesn’t have what you need and you should go to another store, or try to find it online instead? Maybe you will find something similar elsewhere, not the same color or fabric, but maybe the same style and shape.

The same happens on dates. Maybe the person wasn’t the right fit. Maybe you can look elsewhere, another bar, a new shop, maybe look online? And when you find someone, maybe it wasn’t the  shape, color, or size you had in mind (you know different designers have varying cuts), but maybe, just maybe, it will be the right fit for you–and not what your parents or friends think is the right fit, either.

Imagine a world where the dating process isn’t so much of a process but like a fitting room and in the end, if it looked good in the window but not on you–you move on with your pride and backfat and just keep searching in more of life’s windows for the right fit without throwing one.

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