Relationship goals vary from couple to couple but one thing every grouping shares is that they want their relationship to work. Some people want their relationship goal to be drama free, while others would like more adventure. Yet, if I were to ask you if you’ve discussed these “relationship goals” with your partner in detail…many of you would look me straight in the eye and say, “Are you crazy?” Why would I discuss that with them?
Instantly improve your relationship by improving your listening skills
If you were to stop 10 couples on the street…anywhere, the response would be the same, “My partner doesn’t listen to me!” And they’re not referring to taking out the garbage or some other chore around the house (I mean, that too, but)–they are referring to active listening skills.
Should I Text a Guy Before a First Date?
Approximately 4.2 billion+ people text worldwide. (MBA Online) You’re a part of that number, so should you text a guy before a first date? The answer truly depends on the situation, but more likely than not, the answer is a resounding NO! If the date has been set and you have all the pertinent info like: time, place, an exit strategy (hey, it’s 2016) — why text? Oh I know, you’re feeling excited and want him to know you’re thinking of him (insert smiley face emoji). Bad move. And here’s why.
Dating has caught up to the technology available today and there has been no other time frame where options for meeting people are vast yet people still feel so alone. It’s like riding on a subway train in New York yet, no one sits next to you.
Whether you’re swiping left on Tinder, winking at someone online or clicking on a tab to start a conversation through a location based app–there are 3 things to keep in mind when it comes to dating because no matter what year it is, certain things about human nature don’t change.
- Prescreen but don’t stalk: you will find something that doesn’t appeal and have no real facts to base this on except an active imagination and a quick googling finger. You’ll want to ask for a “now selfie” and you’re smart, sexy and confident so you offer the good first. And if there is hesitation or something is off in their response then something’s is stinky.
- Take to IRL ASAP – once you feel a spark you’ll want to talk and see where this leads. I mean over the phone, not texting or any other messaging applications. Learn their inflections, humor style and see if there’s reason to meet. If there is, do it.
- Keep your expectations in check. Have an intent for going on the date. I’ve always kept it to three things: 1. I will learn more about them. 2. They will learn more about me. 3. Have fun.
What apps or dating sites are you having luck with? Did I mention I met my husband through an app?
What defines a relationship? What defines a healthy relationship? I’m sure the definitions will vary as do the rules/guides that accompany the partnership. I can only speak from my first person experience. And in my last relationship, I was very dependent on the other person to “make me happy” and that meant I expected them to do some: mind reading, carry the financial weight of the relationship, and love me unconditionally without getting it in return. That relationship failed.
Now, being in a relationship for 3.9 years I feel like I’ve not only grown as a partner but I can honestly say I feel like I’m an awesome fiancé. And here are some of my learnings.
- Take care of your teeth
- Have sexy time!
- Exercise both your mind & your body
- Spend time alone
- Pay for things on a equal basis, not equally (when the money-making ratio is even, then you can do a 50/50 split — if it’s not, make adjustments)
- Figure out what chores you’re best at and are willing to do & do them — have them do the same (this is not a 50/50 split either)
- Take care of another when you’re sick
- Remind each other of important dates, appointments, gatherings (don’t sit there waiting for them to mess it up–remind them)
- Spend time together (it should still be fun to meet up and just “be together”)
- Make them laugh
- Hand them a tissue if you do make them cry — then work it out
- Encourage them
- Learn to compromise
- Brag about them in front of others — and mean it!
- Give them space
- Remind yourself of the relationship rules you two have established — and keep to them
- Make them laugh some more
- Remind them of their bad qualities over and over again — I’m sure they’re already kicking themselves over it on a daily basis
- Make them feel guilty over mistakes they’ve made — let it go
- Say “I told you so.” That’s a phrase that doesn’t take love to the next level
- Wait until things are bad to “have a talk” — you should always be talking
- Put them last on your priority list
- Forget being in a relationship is only a percentage of wat makes you YOU — it’s not your entire IDENTITY!
- Brag about your relationship on social media
- Forget to have sexy time!
- Talk behind their back
- Let them guilt you into anything
- Forget your friends — but if they are anti-relationship, be wary!
- Lose yourself in the process
I’m sure these are ever-changing, but these are a good start. And I’m positive I have left several things off — feel free to include them in the comments below.