Dating has caught up to the technology available today and there has been no other time frame where options for meeting people are vast yet people still feel so alone. It’s like riding on a subway train in New York yet, no one sits next to you.
Whether you’re swiping left on Tinder, winking at someone online or clicking on a tab to start a conversation through a location based app–there are 3 things to keep in mind when it comes to dating because no matter what year it is, certain things about human nature don’t change.
Prescreen but don’t stalk: you will find something that doesn’t appeal and have no real facts to base this on except an active imagination and a quick googling finger. You’ll want to ask for a “now selfie” and you’re smart, sexy and confident so you offer the good first. And if there is hesitation or something is off in their response then something’s is stinky.
Take to IRL ASAP– once you feel a spark you’ll want to talk and see where this leads. I mean over the phone, not texting or any other messaging applications. Learn their inflections, humor style and see if there’s reason to meet. If there is, do it.
Keep your expectations in check. Have an intent for going on the date. I’ve always kept it to three things: 1. I will learn more about them. 2. They will learn more about me. 3. Have fun.
What apps or dating sites are you having luck with? Did I mention I met my husband through an app?
What defines a relationship? What defines a healthy relationship? I’m sure the definitions will vary as do the rules/guides that accompany the partnership. I can only speak from my first person experience. And in my last relationship, I was very dependent on the other person to “make me happy” and that meant I expected them to do some: mind reading, carry the financial weight of the relationship, and love me unconditionally without getting it in return. That relationship failed.
Now, being in a relationship for 3.9 years I feel like I’ve not only grown as a partner but I can honestly say I feel like I’m an awesome fiancé. And here are some of my learnings.
Take care of your teeth
Have sexy time!
Exercise both your mind & your body
Spend time alone
Pay for things on a equal basis, not equally (when the money-making ratio is even, then you can do a 50/50 split — if it’s not, make adjustments)
Figure out what chores you’re best at and are willing to do & do them — have them do the same (this is not a 50/50 split either)
Take care of another when you’re sick
Remind each other of important dates, appointments, gatherings (don’t sit there waiting for them to mess it up–remind them)
Spend time together (it should still be fun to meet up and just “be together”)
Make them laugh
Hand them a tissue if you do make them cry — then work it out
Learn to compromise
Brag about them in front of others — and mean it!
Give them space
Remind yourself of the relationship rules you two have established — and keep to them
Make them laugh some more
Remind them of their bad qualities over and over again — I’m sure they’re already kicking themselves over it on a daily basis
Make them feel guilty over mistakes they’ve made — let it go
Say “I told you so.” That’s a phrase that doesn’t take love to the next level
Wait until things are bad to “have a talk” — you should always be talking
Put them last on your priority list
Forget being in a relationship is only a percentage of wat makes you YOU — it’s not your entire IDENTITY!
Brag about your relationship on social media
Forget to have sexy time!
Talk behind their back
Let them guilt you into anything
Forget your friends — but if they are anti-relationship, be wary!
Lose yourself in the process
I’m sure these are ever-changing, but these are a good start. And I’m positive I have left several things off — feel free to include them in the comments below.
You are the designer of your own catastrophe — especially when it comes to love.
What new love designs are you working on?
He’s not moving fast enough? Who made you the pace keeper?
She’s not the total package? Honey, have you seen the wrapping paper you come in?
I need someone who understands me 100%. Mind readers are at the circus find one, pay them $.25, and keep it moving.
Or are your designs more destructive because they highlight what’s wrong with you?
Have you been designing a
10-year sculpture of “I’m not good enough”
An oil canvas of “I’m really not worthy” that’s almost done
Maybe an intricate installment made of self hate pieces with specs of shame
Would you be proud to display them?
If the current life design is not working in your life — start a new piece.
Change mediums, change formats, throw away your old equipment and start fresh–the old stuff (the past) is contaminated.
Identify + write down 5 of your best qualities and splash, stroke, weave, bend, glue, weld–start a new and beautiful design you’re proud to have on display. The universe and love is waiting with anticipation.
Dr. Diana Kirschner was a frequent guest on The Today Show and starred in the PBS TV Special Finding Your Own True Love. She is the best-selling author of Love in 90 Daysand—just out now on Kindle— Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps. Dr. Diana has helped thousands all over the world use online dating in the most wonderful way—to find a passionate lasting Soulmate connection! Her free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice newsletter is available at www.lovein90days.com.
And in today’s post, Nando interviews renowned relationship expert + best selling author Dr. Diana Kirschner to help you get one step closer to love.
In this interivew we will discuss the do’s and don’ts of online love + explore the great advice Dr. Diana Kirschner has on finding true love via the internet.
The dos and don’t of an online dating profile
Catfishing + the money making industry involved in it
How many soul mates does a person really have?
3 Things to boost your online dating experience–RIGHT NOW!
The issue: I’ve overheard many singles say, “Oh, I’m in a dating rut.” But, I’m not sure what that means. I’m not sure if it’s an accurate statement that anyone other than a Sex and the CityCharacter should ever say.
When I was single, dating was an adventure and yes you go on several dates and meet with the racists, the cheapskates, or even a republican or two–but it never felt like a rut.
The redirection: I’m sure at work you don’t claim to have ruts when you have to work alongside the racist, the cheapskate or the republican–you just work around them. You can’t go to your boss and say, I refuse to work with Andy, the project manager, because he has bad breathe and he doesn’t split the lunch tab equally. Unless you have a secret trust fund, you just shut the hell up, don’t get too close to Andy’s mouth and hold your breathe a lot–and strategically spill Altoids on Andy’s desk.
The Fact: The reason people claim to be in a dating rut is that, they’re stuck. And they’re stuck on perfection. You’re stuck in a cycle of bad dates. You’re stuck on the idea of the perfect person. You’re stuck on the perfect date. You’re stuck on the perfect _________________(fill in the blank).
And it’s okay. You will get unstuck by keeping it going. Keeping YOU going. We’ve all been there–so why do YOU get to skip this part of dating? You don’t. Welcome to stuck.
My advice: Don’t “rut out” on dating; instead, just work around it–the great part is that you never have to date them again–don’t you wish that were the same case with your coworkers?