Dear Nandoism Readers:

Nando, I’ve been reading your posts on having a Gay Best Friend and know you’re writing a book on the topic and it gets me excited to think of having my own Gay Best Friend, and don’t worry, I read your last article on GBFs are not a fashion accessory, so I know not to treat them like one, but I have an issue.

As much as I’d like to enter the fabulous world of having my own gay best friend, my husband isn’t a fan of Gays. He’s an good man: caring, loving, and is a wonderful father; he even came to the rescue of a lesbian couple in our neighborhood when the block wanted them out, but it seems that he doesn’t approve of the idea of having Gays in the presence of our boys, a 5 y.o and a 3 y.o. He doesn’t go on witch-hunts for them or passes out literature or speaks ill of them, he just doesn’t want them around and feels very uncomfortable around them.

Can I still manage a friendship with a Gay despite my husband coming from the Caribbean and holding onto the cultural idea that being Gay is morally wrong?

Yours Truly,

Desperate Gayless Housewife, 35, Minneapolis

If you have a love-problem and would like to share with Nandoism blog readers, e-mail it to nando (at) nandoism.com

What advice would you give Desperate Gayless Housewife? This is “reader-participation” and the floor is all yours! Leave your comment.

Last night I was out with one of my favorite couples in the world. I met Julie in late 1999 when I moved to Iowa to attend the University. In 2001, she moved to New York and met Gerard. And, as luck would have it, they both called me a short while after and asked me to move in with them in a beautiful brownstone in Brooklyn. (Did I just invent my first tongue twister?) I moved to New York in July of 2001 and my life dream of being a gay Mexican actor was about to come true, but Osama Bin Laden had other plans because two months later, he messed up my call-back audition on September 11.

Julie and Gerard moved to Texas about seven years ago and I’ve been fending on my own in the big city ever since. And reconnecting with them last night–as this was their first time in four years to be away from their two beautiful daughters–brought back so many good memories and I couldn’t wait to introduce them to my boyfriend for two reasons: one–they’re both extraordinary loving people and two–they’ve defined what a loving relationship looks like for me and I wanted my boyfriend to see it “live” in action.  They’re just so adorable together, and for me, it’s a meter of how a couple that’s been together since 2001 still likes being around one another. I know Julie’s going to kill me for saying this, but Gerard did the most romantic and loving gesture a married man could ever do–he rushed out to get condoms after dinner like an excited 13-year-old boy about to have his first experience. You can’t fake stuff like that. There was gonna be come celebrating in Soho last night, Texas-style!

During drinks, I flashed on another couple that my boyfriend and I had recently gone to dinner with who bragged about being together for over 15 years–and I would have gladly celebrated their lengthly partnership except for one thing, they couldn’t stand to be around one another. Maybe we caught them on a bad night–we all have them, but just as Julie and Gerard couldn’t fake their genuine “like” for one another, this pair couldn’t hide their disgust for theirs. The conversation went from how they didn’t trust one another to the random cell phone checks they conducted and explicit programs they used to break into each others e-mail accounts in order to check for infidelities–which they both fessed up to that evening–can you say awkward dinner entertainment? (Although, being Mexican and growing up watching Novelas, this was my cup of tea!)  I guess there were small moments of tenderness when they both agreed that their passwords to several of their accounts were each other’s names. Their story reminded me of another couple I meet four years ago who’d been together for 12-years and also rejoiced about their lengthy union to anyone who’d listen but also couldn’t stand to be in the same room together or they’d start insulting one another in a way that escalated from a funny jab about bad breath to someone having to call 911 to separate them. When did relationships become a contest and the prize is awarded to the last couple standing?

I’ve been in a few toxic relationships and it took time for me to leave but I was also younger then, now, at my age, I don’t have the energy to be involved with someone I didn’t want to be around. That’s why my boyfriend and I, after each month ask one another, “Do you wanna go for another month?” We discuss “why” but we also talk about improvements for the next month. Sounds very un-romantic, but it’s actually helpful because we speak open and honestly. When I told Gerard, he said, “You two sound like alcoholics taking it one day at a time.” And I guess the concept is similar, but it’s also taking responsibility and actively accomplishing out relationship motto which is to have fun. We decided a while back, that when we stop having fun with one another, it’s time to move on. Six months is early, we’re not trying to fool anyone into thinking we have the perfect relationship–but in six months we’ve also experienced a  few hardships that have strengthened our bond. A relationship isn’t always going to be fun, that’s life–but when your life is no longer fun because of the relationship you’re in–that’s not healthy, for anyone.

For couples celebrating a lengthy union, instead of focusing on the numbers of years you’ve been together, focus on the amounts of times you make each other laugh in a day or the number of compliment you give one another in a week; those are some real numbers you should be tracking. And Julie and Gerard, thanks for the “in-person” live seminar on how to treat your partner with love, respect, and genuine “like” for one another. We learned a lot.

After dating someone and finally realizing they’re not the one for you, you either dump them or they dump you. It’s just the way of the dating game and after days, months, even years of getting over them–you move on and find yourself dating a new shiny person. You compare the new and the old, it’s only humanly natural. Love is like shopping for artichokes at Trader Joe’s; you want to make sure you’re getting a whole heart in the one you choose. You take it slow–not wanting to make the same mistakes–and then poof, one day you realize you’re in a new relationship. You share laughs, thoughts, you even share toothpaste, and after six months of being with this new person–it happens…you’re old relationship-person e-mails you to see how you’re doing. Do you respond? Ignore it? Should you delete the e-mail from your exes?

This happened to both me and my boyfriend, Santiago,  this past week. His ex, the one before me, e-mailed him with a casual conversational tone mixed in some humor, a compliment, and a “good job on your new photography career.” I was e-mailed with less of a fanfare but ended with a “coffee, soon?” We were both amazed at how synchronized their messages were, as if both exes were following some sort of manual, the “How to Screw with Your Exes Mind” manual which clearly states that contacting them six months after they’re in a new relationship is mandatory. Santiago’s been out of that relationship for three years, and me, well it’s been one year–but the bigger question was–what do we do with the e-mails?

I have nothing to hide, so I left mine, besides, on the iPhone, I haven’t figured out how to delete an actual message on the Facebook app, that’s how I was contacted. Santiago, on the other hand, was contacted through e-mail; which he deleted. And the reason he deleted it was that he wants nothing to do with this person. But would someone else deleting an e-mail be hiding something? Did this mean they were guilty of a love-crime? As I thought about our situation, I couldn’t help but wonder, “After spending so much time trying to get over someone, and figuring out what went wrong, do you respond to their inquires and start a new friendship? And whatever you decide, what do you do with the e-mail? Do you keep it as a reminder, a battle scar of what you’ve been through or do you trash it on your phone and/or computer but also empty the recycle bin in your heart? ”

Do you keep e-mails that your exes send you? Leave a comment.

Soul mate: it’s the idea of having another person being our other half. We hear the term everyday; in movies, real-life and especially Hallmark greeting cards. The thought of there being another human being roaming the universe that’ll complete us was a powerful message in Jerry McGuire that left the world in a hopeless state of romanticism–was that so bad? Just a little. It symbolizes that alone, we’re not whole, we are enough and according to Sex and the City’s Kristin Davis, “The idea of soul mates makes me want to gag“. But where did the idea of soul mates begin? You might change your mind about the concept after you hear where it came from, or at least give you something to think about–especially about homosexuality. Imagine that.

The idea of soul mates was introduced by the ancient Greek philosopher Plato. He told the story of how humans were once born with 2 faces, two sets of genitals, two sets of arms and legs and they existed in three categories; man-man, woman-woman, and man-woman. The humans of ancient days were very powerful and eventually got a little too cocky which made them confront the gods and start an attack. They started their ascend to Mt. Olympus and if you can imagine, there where throngs of these human-like spiders making their way up to Zues.

As punishment, Zues–along with the help of another god, Apollo, split everyone in two forcing the now-split humans to frantically run around looking for their other half. Since three categories existed, three hunts went into effect. Man looked for man, woman looked for woman and one set of men looked for women, thus creating the idea of soul mates and explaining a little about homosexuality in the process.

Personally, I’m beginning to like the idea of soul mates a little more, but not the Jerry McGuire kind–moreover the idea of finding someone to play with and complementing your current existence–not completing it. To think that happiness or that you’re only completed by another person sets us up for failure. I also don’t believe that we’re meant to love only one person in our lifetime, the idea itself is ancient and out-dated, but I feel I have found my own soul mate in Cris, my bff of over 26 years, but that would mean that she and I were a man-woman combo. Damn it, there goes my theory on homosexuality according to the Greeks since I’m in to men and so is she. Well, back to the gay drawing board, I guess.

What are your ideas on soul mates, is the term over worked and misguided in today’s society? What do you think about Plato’s idea of soul mates? Leave a comment.

photo by marrinnyc.com

In the beauty and fashion industry, people are always looking for the latest trend, style or look. And in that world, who ever gets it, wins. But what happens when the latest trends are human? The Gay Best Friend phenomenon has taken over. Everyone seems to have one, from reality stars to the fictional television characters we see on TV but do you have to be either to have one?

According to the popular UK website, Daily Mail UK, While Liz Hurley hid from the press as she battled to get back into post-baby shape, who was there to look after her, give her the encouragement she needed and help her put the spectre of Steve Bing’s betrayal behind her? Her loyal GBF’s Elton John and David Furnish. (I think Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock both need one–BAD!)

In the real world, having a Gay Best Friend (GBF) isn’t such a new thing. My own mother had gay friends around but back then, women were called fag hags–a word that conjures up horrible images of old spinsters and witches–in my head. And today, things have changed–but a few twists have been thrown in. Now, because it’s cool and chic to have a GBF, everybody wants one, and everybody should have a Gay Best Friend–but before you go off in search of one–if you don’t already have one–ask yourself the following five questions.

1. Why do I want a Gay Best Friend?

2. What do I expect to gain from the friendship?

3. What misconceptions do I have about the gay culture?

4. What do I bring to the relationship?

5.  How is my current boyfriend/husband/significant other going to react?

Having a GBF isn’t going to solve all your life’s problems, but it will add some fun to the mix. I’m mean, we are that amazing plus we are so creative when it comes to life issues–we’ve seen Knots Landing and Days of our Lives!

We’re human; we get hungry, hurt and horny just like you, so treat us like the valuable person we are and not just this season’s D&G clutch.

The amount of unconditional love and acceptance we give–when reciprocated–is endless. And once you figure out the answers to these questions above, you’re ready to proceed to the next step, which is, “Where do I find the Gays?” Good Lord, we’re everywhere, but you want to make sure you find one that fits into your life seamlessly and vise versa.

A few months ago, I interviewed New York City’s Sherry Vine for my book. I came across her Telephone video parody on YouTube and knew she had to be in my life. Not sure if she needed another Mexican in her world, I called her up and she agreed to the interview. Personally, I’ve always believed that talented people know other talented people--and since I have no talents, it’s no wonder I’m a low-rate dating blogger. But I wanted to trick her into being my friend--she bought it. The interview was great and she--along with the other people I’ve interviewed were very open and happy to be a part of my project.

I can’t begin to describe the talents of Sherry Vine. She’s an amazing performer, whether you call her a female impersonator, a drag queen or just a super star--the energy and creative sparks she embodies is pure, real and amazing. Yeah, some will flinch at her lyrics, a few might even get GLAAD to rally, but I’m a true fan and when I can across her Alejandro parody, I just couldn’t get it out of my head! It’s just that amazingly good and to top things off--it has a message! Oy!

So if you haven’t heard or seen Sherry Vine, here is her version of Lady Gaga’s Alejandro (I like it better than Gaga’s!)

Sherry Vine’s — You’re a Homo

www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa3zoo4IQxA

And I’ve teamed up with Sherry to give you an awesome gift--the first 10 people who leave a comment will get a FREE mp3 of “You’re a Homo“. So tweet it out, facebook it and just tell all your friends to come over and leave a comment for their mp3. It’s that good! And as an added bonus--if you want to review Sherry’s parody, send me an e-mail and I’ll post it here on Nandoism.com.

“Am I in the wrong relationship?” I kept asking myself. I woke up one morning and looked over at my boyfriend and my stomach crunched up in knots. I didn’t want to be with him. I never should have been with him. Joe was 19 years older than me and on paper–our relationship was perfect but in real-life, I ignored him emotionally and a year later, he began to plan out his affair.

Eventually, we both got what we wanted–an “out” to the relationship. How did we get there? It was very “Eat, Pray, Love” if you ask me as I’d stay up late wondering how to get out of this dysfunctional partnership. Joe was a wonderful man, so caring, very giving, extremely polished but began asking for signs and clues; I’d ask God for help, but he did nothing. Until the day I walked in on my boyfriend having sex…in our apartment…in our bed…with our friend. When God sends you a sign, he really sends you a sign.

That was four years ago and it took me four years to work out some of my fears, guilt and shame because there’s always shame attached to the person who’s been cheated on. Everyone around me knew, so I thought,  and now I was being judged. But four years later, I’m free of that “wrongful thinking” and I let go of those old records playing in my head. But what were the signs that it was wrong from the start? In my personal path, I see them clearly now.

The 5 signs that you’re in the wrong relationship:

5. You’re not having fun anymore. What’s the point? It’s not always going to be fun and games–but c’mon, it can’t always be miserable.

4. You dread spending time together.

3. You have the same repeated arguments over and over again. (I numbered them and would just yell, “Argument #301″)

2. One partner is extremely jealous of the other making the other person feel suffocated and trapped.

1. Deep inside you’re using them (emotionally, financially, or sexually).

Today, I’m a different person and I’m in a different relationship; one that’s of “our” own design. Before, I wanted to follow someone else’s idea of a relationship, but sleep easier now knowing that a partnership of our own making is much valuable to us than a cookie-cutter one. In a world where originally is key, I can’t help but wonder, “Why are we still modeling our relationships based on someone else’s experience?”

What are the clues for you? How do you know you’re in the wrong relationship? Leave a comment and let’s discuss.

Today, over at Alisa Bowman’s blog, Project Happily Ever After, I do a guest post on manscaping–something every man should read and follow. We’ve seen the back hair, we’re repulsed by chest hair spouting from a tank top and we stand in amazement next to the guy with sculpted eyebrows. So what’s a guy to do? How does a man deal with back hair in order to look like he’s a part of the human race again?

There you’ll find my thoughts on male body grooming and Men Hair Removal Tips, and tips on manscaping and the best way to get it done. Should you use Nair? Get the chest waxed? Find out here, you’re only a simple click away!

Please leave your comments on Alisa’a blog, thanks!

It’s a Friday morning and I woke up in the usual manner–checking to see how many Twitter followers I had lost (I know, I’m a sad, sad Mexican). Then my boyfriend’s alarm went off–and why he chooses barking dogs as his alarm is beyond me–so  I nudged him to wake up and shut his iPhone off. As he stumbled out of bed and headed to the bathroom, I continued my Twitter escapades. He entered the room, still groggy and slow-poked his way to get dressed. It was quiet, I looked up from my iPhone and closed my tweet deck app; he was standing in front of me–he looked really handsome. He leaned in for a kiss and said goodbye, and I extended my arms to hug him and when he saw my scrawny arms coming towards him…he jerked back. He rejected my hug.

Nando: I wanted a hug. Why won’t you hug me?

Boyfriend: mumble mumble mumble (I think something in Spanish and then a word or two in English)

And there you have it. The life of a Mexican Gay couple living in Brooklyn. I have no idea why he’s upset and why he didn’t embrace my hug–no pun intended. And before I began the montage of “woe-is-me” with Celine Dion song playing in my head, I’m faced with three choices and I need your help.

As a dating, relationship and sex blogger–I’d like to know if this has ever happened to you and how you handled it. How did it make you feel? Did you cancel Echilada Friday too? Has your Boyfriend ever rejected your hugs, kisses, bad breath? Leave a comment–and tell me, what should I do. Don’t forget to answer the poll.

And remember, you can follow my blog through facebook, just click and do what all the cool kids are doing!

The word Bromance was originally coined by author/editor Dave Carnie in “Big Brother Magazine” sometime in the 1990s. We’ve known about their  existence with famous man-friends like: Bill & Ted, Burt & Ernie, Lenny & Squiggy, but Brody Jenner took it to the next level. So what is a bromance? According to wisegeek.com:

a bromance is a very close friendship between two heterosexual men, classically two single heterosexual men. Men in a bromance are sometimes said to be “bromosexual,” and they may be accused of having “man crushes,” even though their relationship is not, in fact, sexual in nature.

With so much man-love going around, can any one of these man groupings ever be a little more than meets the eye? And if so, what are the sings that a bromance is really just gay on the DL? Women, if you’ve been asking yourself if your man and his buddy Jack might be more than bromosexuals, here are the top 10 signs that their bromance is truly just Gay on the Down Low.

1. When either one leaves a photo comments on Facebook that say, “Damn, you’re hot bro! See you Friday.”

2. When they no longer bump fist, but hold hands when they see one another.

3. It’s no longer a Bromance when they consult one another on underwear selections.

4. It’s a Gay on the DL when the quick “two-kisses on the cheek” turns into one long kiss…with tongue.

5. When they prefer hanging out with their “friend” over you. (Did I mention it’s to spend time together, naked)

6. It’s no longer a Bromance when they buy each other Valentine’s card filled with condoms & lube (with a note attached that reads, “soon, real soon”)

7. It’s Gay on the DL if they exchange masturbation tips — through video…and it’s live (I’m talking real-time, baby).

8. It’s no longer a Bromance but Gay on the DL when their phone ID photo for them has a heart frame around it and the ring tone is any song by Taylor Swift.

9. They cancel the yearly vacation because they scored two Lady Gaga tickets! (Did I mention, you’re not invited?)

10. When they offer to clean each other’s foreskin when showering at the gym, although it may seem harmless, ladies, somethings amiss.

Now that you’ve read the post, is a little conversation with your man due? Leave a comment!