Today we have Coyote Rose from Dancing on the Bar of Life to thank for our guest post. She really let loose to give us a personal story about a girl and her Gay Best Friend. G-Fab sounds amazing Coyote Rose, thank God for Gays, right?

Enjoy!

My first thought when I met my (Gay) Best friend was “Who is this guy and why is he hugging me?” I had serious personal space issues at the time. I met Geoph the Fabulous (G-Fab for short) when I was a junior in college way back in December of 2004. I had just got hired to work as an RA in a residence hall and I was coming out of my new boss’s office and there he was in his 6’2 blonde haired glory. I can’t remember what he was wearing but i’m pretty sure it was black pants and a brightly colored button down shirt. Anyways, our boss introduces us and G-Fab just comes and hugs me. Weird, right?

Pretty much from that moment on we were inseparable. G-Fab loves to regale people with the tale of what I was like before he got ahold of me. I was pretty much only friends with bat-shit crazy bitches. You know the kind that whore themselves out to any guy that will pay attention, and then break the windows of said guy’s car when he hooks up with some other whore. Anyways, according to G-Fab i only owned three skirts, all of which showed my ass, and one dress that only a baby-prostitute would wear. It was pretty awful in retrospect: It was skin-tight and leopard print. For the record, i bought it for a Halloween costume so getoffme. G-Fab, neglects to mention that i owned like 6 pairs of heels when he met me. I wasn’t a total loss as a girl, okay?

Anyways, having G-Fab as a bestie has been one of the best decisions i made in my life. The boy has no problem telling me when i have jacked something up, or when i am overthinking, or when i look like shit. He swung by my dorm room one night as we were going out to Steak and Shake or someplace, G-Fab took one look at what i was wearing and told me to go back inside and change because “he could not be seen out with anyone in that bad of an outfit.” It wasn’t that i didn’t have style before him, i just didn’t have anyone to stop me from making bad decisions.

In all seriousness, G-Fab has been a life changer. He makes me look fabulous. He gets me drunk at all the appropriate times. He listens to me bitch about whores and coworkers. He tells me when i being a complete idiot with a guy, which is a lot. I’m always asking G-fab if some guy is interested in me or not, or if I’m just being a dumbass. To which G-Fab always gives me the same advice: “Will you just suck his dick and get it over with already? Also, tell me how big it is.” Some guys i have dated have been a little weirded out by G-Fab, but those boys don’t last. G-Fab is my soulmate, and i can replace those boyfriends with a vibrator. Having G-Fab gave me confidence, which i had been sorely lacking before. He doesn’t let me settle for guys who treat me bad. He doesn’t let me go out of the house looking like crap (cause its not aptitude, its the way you’re viewed). He made me realize that being a little bit girly isn’t going to hurt anything and it certainly isn’t going to make guys think i’m not capable of kicking-ass and taking names.

G-Fab gets stuff from me too. I’ve explained football rules to him like 10 times. I always go shoe shopping with him (women’s shoes for him, not me). I cook, refinish coffee tables and look under the hood of his car (which does not mean that i can actually fix it). I tell him that the guys he dates aren’t good enough for him, which has been true for all 800 of them, up until this most recent one. The new boy i like and i’d better since they are engaged and shit.
Which doesn’t mean we are perfect. He’s a hypochondriac, and I’m anal-retentive with anxiety problems. I swear we are going to be 85 in a nursing home together trying to one up each other’s medical ailments. But hell if we aren’t going to have fun doing it. But i’m not getting rid of my leopard print shoes!

And don’t for get to check out Tiffani Thiessen and Nandoism’s Rules on Picking Your Gay Best Friend video.

One of the advantages of doing celebrity interviews during NYFW is swaying an interview geared towards, let say, gingivitis, over to the topic of Gay Best Friends. And that’s exactly what I did when interviewing Tiffani Thiessen last week in New York’s Greeley Square Park, where she was more than eager to share her own rules on picking your Gay Best Friend, which according to Tiffani, every good woman needs a Gay BFF!

Watch the video below of me and Tiffani discussing the rules of having a Gay Best Friend!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytZNP_IYemA

photo by marrinnyc.com

In the beauty and fashion industry, people are always looking for the latest trend, style or look. And in that world, who ever gets it, wins. But what happens when the latest trends are human? The Gay Best Friend phenomenon has taken over. Everyone seems to have one, from reality stars to the fictional television characters we see on TV but do you have to be either to have one?

According to the popular UK website, Daily Mail UK, While Liz Hurley hid from the press as she battled to get back into post-baby shape, who was there to look after her, give her the encouragement she needed and help her put the spectre of Steve Bing’s betrayal behind her? Her loyal GBF’s Elton John and David Furnish. (I think Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock both need one–BAD!)

In the real world, having a Gay Best Friend (GBF) isn’t such a new thing. My own mother had gay friends around but back then, women were called fag hags–a word that conjures up horrible images of old spinsters and witches–in my head. And today, things have changed–but a few twists have been thrown in. Now, because it’s cool and chic to have a GBF, everybody wants one, and everybody should have a Gay Best Friend–but before you go off in search of one–if you don’t already have one–ask yourself the following five questions.

1. Why do I want a Gay Best Friend?

2. What do I expect to gain from the friendship?

3. What misconceptions do I have about the gay culture?

4. What do I bring to the relationship?

5.  How is my current boyfriend/husband/significant other going to react?

Having a GBF isn’t going to solve all your life’s problems, but it will add some fun to the mix. I’m mean, we are that amazing plus we are so creative when it comes to life issues–we’ve seen Knots Landing and Days of our Lives!

We’re human; we get hungry, hurt and horny just like you, so treat us like the valuable person we are and not just this season’s D&G clutch.

The amount of unconditional love and acceptance we give–when reciprocated–is endless. And once you figure out the answers to these questions above, you’re ready to proceed to the next step, which is, “Where do I find the Gays?” Good Lord, we’re everywhere, but you want to make sure you find one that fits into your life seamlessly and vise versa.

From yesterday’s post, Women: Why You Need a Gay Best Friend, I got several tweets, e-mails, Facebook messages and blog comments informing me that several of you don’t have a Gay Best Friend, and you’re now looking! I was talking this over with Cris, the straight girl I’ve been “gaying” for 26 years with and she encouraged me to help.

Cris: Wow, so many women don’t have a Gay Best Friend.

Nando: Nope.

Cris: They know you’re not available–cause I know they’ll tempt you!

Nando: I’m not going any where. Don’t worry.

Cris: If you do, I have over 26 years of secrets I can unleash, especially now since you have a book coming out and it looks like the production house is moving forward with the reality show.

Nando: Shut up, no one is supposed to know about the reality show and I have secrets on you too, 1995 alone, should send chills up your spine!

Cris: It’s too soon, it’s too soon, you can’t bring up 1995, yet!

Nando: And let’s not bring up why you got kicked out your “Cake Frosting 101″ class in college!

Cris: I got it, why don’t you be their temporary Gay Best Friend? Cause you know, you can’t share Gays.

So here it is–the first installment of the series: Your Temporary Gay Best Friend, inspired by you and approved by Cris! Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFjF6bfUAlA

One of the wonderful things about living in New York City are the lively and juicy conversations with friends after a few tequila shots. Out with two straight female friends one night the topic switched to men and dating; imagine that. One friend did an about-face, “Nando, you have it so easy, you’re gay and all gay men want are hand jobs and head.” I was stunned. I was speechless. I was out of tequila!

I’m not sure if it was the alcohol talking, but where did she get her information? I couldn’t help but wonder, “What other gay myths were being spread about like Kirstie Alley’s thighs?” I came home and did some research, well, actually I came home and watched porn…then I did my research. I was horrified at what google offered me as search results; yet, simultaneously amused. (Maybe it was still the tequila?) This link about gays was particularly shocking. So I felt the need to expose some of the gay myths out there starting with these.

Top 5 Gay Myths:

Gay Myth # 1: Gay men will “come on” to any straight men around because we want to sleep with them. Listen, if you can’t even get a women to flirt with you…what makes you think I’m wasting my Crest White Strip smile and skinny jeans on you? You’re gonna have to keep blowing up your Stephanie Swift Blow Up Doll for your pleasure cause it’s just not gonna happen with us. (And learn that ear hair is not too sexy!)

Gay Myth # 2: He’s married; he can’t be gay. If I had a quarter for every “straight” married man who’s come on to me; I may have been able to produce my own BAILOUT solution for the country’s banking problem. Need I give you the ultimate creep example: Jim McGreevey and his gay-American self? Ladies, I hate to drop a major bomb on you, but if your man keeps scheduling “fishing trips” with his buddy Larry every other weekend but never brings home any trout–you might want to Netflix Brokeback Mountain or read How To Tell If Your Man is Gay. Just saying.

Gay Myth # 3: All gay men really want are hand-jobs. I know a throng of gay men who’d rather re-elect George W Bush as President than give a hand-job. I think hand-jobs were something we did in our teens during our sexual discovery phase–and we practiced with all the “straight” married men–they really enjoyed them. A hang job does nothing for me except give me hand-cramps. And having to look at you as you’re “being pleasured” while  I do all the work–it’s not called a hand-JOB for nothing; it’s just not our thing. Trust me.

Gay Myth # 4: He’s got bad hair and dresses badly, he must be gay. I admit that there are a few men out there who participate in the the holy and sacred act of man-on-man action who still don’t know how to coordinate their textures with appropriate color pallets and haven’t yet crossed over to hair wax–but to falsely accuse every man out there committing these senseless fashion crimes and hair don’ts as GAY is the worst myth of all and I won’t stand for it. I am from TEXAS, the South, a place where we embrace people (and shoot them riffles if they disagree) but we know the true meaning of respect and understand the delicate nature of not calling someone GAY without just cause. I’ve worked hard for my GAY status and I wear it like a crown: tall, glittery, and proud; don’t get it twisted!

Gay Myth # 5: We want to convert everyone. Listen, with my writing deadlines, hair appointments, facials visits and dental scans, I don’t have time to convert straight men into gay men. I barely have time to “brunch” with the ones who are already gay much less coordinate a gay-revolution. (And in case you haven’t heard–we’re born this way!) First off, where would we hold the “conversion” seminar and second, we’d have to this event catered and the Cake Boss has a 4-week advanced ordering policy. Oy, it would never happen!

So these top 5 gay stereotypes must stop here. Let’s Re-Launch Gay instead! I urge you to pass this post along to friends, family, colleagues and yes, even to Republicans–change has to start some day; why not today? (Plus, I need all the hits I can get!)

And don’t forget to check out my new eBook, Dating Stuff: The Things About Dating You Ought To Know available for download, now!