It’s already January 9th–nine days into the New Year and how many of you have already given up on those sparkly new resolutions you made for 2012? Are you ashamed? Do you feel like a total failure? Do you look in the mirror and want to vomit? Don’t feel bad, it happens. But ever wonder why we fall of the wagon? I did some research and discovered why we fail to keep our New Year’s Resolutions and this is what I discovered.

Watch the video for 3 Tips to Help You Keep Your New Years Resolutions.

In today’s world–several of us have a megaphone, a one-way device that allows us to shout at others what we think they should mentally digest. Some people’s megaphone is Facebook while other’s use Twitter and if you’re lucky (luck is in the eye of the beholder) you have a reality show that transports your shouts even louder (especially if you count reruns). And Kim Kardashian has a loud megaphone–louder than the rest of the Kardashian klan and it seems many people are ready to snatch that bad boy away from her to keep her from shouting any further in order to teach her a lesson, but why?

Do you realize that Kim Kardashian is being true-to-self. She hasn’t changed. She hasn’t morally switched sides. She is still the pampered, “my way or the highway” type of gal we all fell for several porn tapes ago. Why the backlash? Did you pay for her wedding? Did you send her a blender and want it back? Did you lose your faith in love or marriage because hers only lasted 72 days, if so, you have bigger problems on your hands.

When people remain consistent in their behavior–as Kim has– yet there’s a major shift in how they’re perceived, the only scale you can claim is yours. Did your scale move over to the left (now you hate her) or the right (now you like her)? Why? Dig deeper into your own life to examine what about her actions pissed you off so much or made you like her more–only then can you own your reaction and stand by it.

I see it all the time in relationships and dating–people complaining about being single, then they complain about their new love being too short or too hairy or they aren’t in the right income bracket and take to their personal megaphone to ask, “What should I do?” At least Kim had enough sense to make her own decision–can we say the same about you? Did she ridicule marriage? To me she didn’t because I think people do it all the time, on and off reality shows. Have you checked the latest divorce rates? Have you checked out your neighbor’s marriage? Your own? Marriage isn’t a magic trip you take that offers guarantees.

Are you upset because it lasted only 72 days or because you are now 100% convinced it was all for publicity? We knew this was her personality type when we heard her screaming out Ray J’s name on their sex tape. She is being consistent. So do you dislike Kim Kardashian because you believe she isn’t living life according to your plans–or because she has a bigger megaphone than you?

When we fall in love, we release a chemical cocktail that takes over and makes us kick love into high speed. Unless you’re a Kardashian, then you release an ass-chemical that gets you another season on E! But one of the chemicals released in this “love cocktail” is oxytocin, not to get confused with the drug, oxycotin–although the sensation in both are the same: euphoric, happy, and horny. Research shows that our brain produces tons of this stuff early in the dating phase when experiencing physical contact like holding hands, kissing, caressing in order to build a love-bond. But the brain is wired to maintain a balance, so about six months to two years of still seeing the same person–it decreases the levels of oxytocin. The brain does this, not just to torture us but to self-preserve, it can’t function properly always skipping heartbeats, butterflies in the tummy, or hearing symphonies when they say your name. (Give it a rest Rihanna, you needy bitch!) The body starts to protest, “I can’t do this anymore, not on minimum wage!” And when this happens, you freak out, thinking, there are no more sparks, he no longer loves me and your relationship is doomed.

But you can start to secrete this chemical (yeah, even in public) by simply increasing the amount of physical touch with your partner. Simple kisses on the neck, holding hands, a quick hug will start to produce more oxytocin which increases your love-bond. It’s not magic, one kiss doesn’t equal 1mg of oxytocin, it’s a build up–so make sure you give it some time. I actually have been experimenting with Big Daddy for the last three days and I was shocked to see the results. He’s now calling me before he goes to work and we wake up early just to talk. It’s been two years for us, and I like the direction we’re headed in.

Coincidentally, Oxytocin is released when mothers give birth and that’s another reason doctors recommend breast-feeding because of the high levels of oxytocin present that will quickly bond mother and child. This must explain the woman who loves in a shoe with all those kids, she must have breastfed.

Key Takeaway: Oxytocin increases the love-bond. If you feel you are loosing the connection with your partner, try some physical contact.

If you had the opportunity to ask someone from your past one questions–who would it be and what would you ask? So many times in life we get caught up in the “I need closure” mentality and fail to move forward because we don’t understand someone’s actions or behaviors. I have run into several people who wonder, “Why did my ex really break up with me?” or “Did they ever cheat on me?” And my answer remains the same, no matter what your question is, “Who cares?” Harsh, but true. We can’t pump the breaks on life or put it on hold because of a lingering question that remains unanswered–the world continues to spin regardless if we get answers to all our questions–the important part is to keep moving, keep loving and keep connecting.

I was adopted 3 hours after my birth. I remember fantasizing about asking my biological mother why she gave me away. I finally got the opportunity, at age 17, and she gave me a “sugar-coated” answer that didn’t satisfy. And I was upset. And I was mad. And I was a hot mess. At that age, I realized that it didn’t matter why, it just matter that the action occurred and what I did with the opportunity. I never allowed “being adopted” play a handicap in my life. In fact, now, I kind of like it. I recently ran into my biological mother when I went to Texas in July, to visit my mom (some would call her my adopted mother, but that’s just doesn’t feel right to me). My mom asked me to invite my biological mother over for dinner and I did, and I was polite and I was engaging. And nothing she could have said at age 17 could have changed my direction in life (unless she updated me on a rich uncle that left me an inheritance!)

If someone breaks up with you — it would be amazing to get a real response that you could use to grow and become better at dating/relationships, but if you never get an answer, you have to move on. If you get fired, you may never know the real reason, but you can’t camp out at the HR office until you find out why. Life is a bitch that way. But it’s that damn human curious nature that gets us every time. But if a Gay, Adopted Mexican can get over it….so can you!

But in the spirit of having fun, here is a video of what I would ask….not that it would do any good.

I popped over to the Ted Gibson Salon, to get a hair consultation. Since I’ve been growing it out–it’s become a little unmanageable and I needed the experts to show me the way. I set up an appointment with stylist, Jill Engelsen, and showed up a little nervous because I’ve never “consulted” with anyone on my hair before–it’s always been: ME, ME, ME! Jill sensed my anxiety-level and quickly calmed me down. She began to play with my hair and showed me 2 new ways to style it. She walked me though the process of blow-drying my hair (there’s an actual art to it) and what products to use and why. I discussed trimming the side a little and her eyes sparkled like those Twilight Vampires in the sun–she explained, Trimming the sides will give you more volume on the top and help cut down on your blow-drying time in the AM.” Those were magic words!

Because my hair is so think (thank the hair gods) I don’t want to use anything to heavy on it because it will weigh it down and that’s not the look I want to achieve, I am from Texas, so having BIG HAIR is a must! Plus, I learned a while back, the bigger the hair, the smaller the hips!

I’m going back for the special treatment I got from everyone at the Ted Gibson Salon for a trim in a few weeks. And although, Mr. Ted Gibson wasn’t there that day, my good friend, Jason Backe (his partner in life and in business), popped his head out for a minute which heightened the experience! Honestly, I wish they could bottle his energy and enthusiasm for life–because I would buy a lifetime supply.

Products recommended & purchased were:

Architexture: 

matte defining paste- transforms fine/limp hair into styles with matte texturization and strong but pliable hold. Customized to provide form, structure and definition on fine hair while maintaining style reworkability.

L’Oréal Professionnel Texture Expert Infinium Spray:

You can use this spray while blow-drying to add volume or as a finishing spray, and it comes out dry and light, not stiff…of course I use tons of it.

And here is the finished style (one of them).

This is an open letter, prayer, mantra to all the women in the world today. (and anyone else who has boobs)

I hope your Thursday is amazeballs and in case no one as told you as of yet–you are pretty fabulous, you know that?!

Let’s rock this Thursday with the wisdom of who ever discovered you can slaughter a cow and pick it about for hamburgers and ribs. It’s that creative ingenuity that I wish upon you. It’s that spirit of, “Let’s take this living creature and rip its life out in order to raise our cholesterol levels to an all-time high!” I want nothing more for you than to feel the energy of our forefathers who had the foresight to see up-ahead and not just what was before them.

May you tackle your problems with the same pizazz and spontaneous factor the early Mexican settlers displayed, for if it wasn’t for them, we WOULD NOT have 3 things today: tortillas, guacamole, and non-consensual sex.

Let’s rock this Thursday!

YOUR MANTRA: Today I will be bold, laugh, date better, relationship freely and love out loud!

For mom’s reading–you are MORE than just a mom, daughter, wife and sister; find the other parts of you to celebrate.

For single women reading–you are MORE than your job, girlfriend, lesbian crush, spinning instructor and should never forget that. Explore your feminine wilds and ride naked on horses (just use Saran Wrap over your genital-region when riding naked–I don’t want you to experience a flea-infestation)

And for every woman reading–you are more that a taxi cab, nurse’s aid, and errand girl, remember to find that inner spirit at least once a day in order to feed, pet and love.

Goddess 101 is a  seminar that will empower women from a 3-pronged approached: mind, body & soul. I will be the event’s MC as well as give a 30 minute presentation on dating, how sexy does that sound? For more info on the event’s organizers, 3D Beauty Consulting, visit their website.  Nandoism readers also get a special discount, enter Nandoism when prompted at check out. To secure your ticket, click here.

The event is in the Forest Hills Community House
15 Borage Place, Forest Hills, NY

Forest Hills is 25 minutes outside of NYC – right over 59th Street Bridge.

Driving – Use GPS -there will be parking available in the Forest Hills Garden
Public Transportation:
5 minute walk from LIRR
6 minute walk from MTA Subway Lines R/F/E on stop 71st /Continental

This is a guest post is written by Jimmy Jacob (@Personalsfacts) author of personalfacts.com whom I just tweeted with earlier this week for the first time which immediately resulted in creative collaborative efforts. Ladies, you have to visit his site for great dating insights (from a straight man’s perspective) with an honesty, humor and spark! (Really!)

It’s the beginning of November, which means hibernation mode will kick in soon for many men out there.  And how do men hibernate you may be wondering? We find a girl to stay in for the next few months, of course.

According to the Urban Dictionary, the definition for hibernation is: When a guy keeps a significant other throughout the winter only to dump them once spring arrives to be single for the summer months, they are said to be in hibernation.

I have had many of my platonic female friends ask me why men do this and the answer is simple: It’s way too cold to go to the bar to pick up. (Sad, but true)  By the end of November, every girl is covered up from head to toe and temptation is gone making it harder to hook up with ready, willing and able ladies.

If you’re a single guy in November, you can pretty much guarantee you will spend most of the winter having threesomes with “Palm-ela” and “Keri.”  (Keri Hand Lotion, that is.)

On the other hand, if you can find yourself a hibernation girlfriend, you won’t have to worry when you are guaranteed sex every time you hook.

So fellas, if you’re looking for your new “snow bitch,” here are some guidelines you should follow:

1. Avoid Your Neighborhood Bar

From personal experience, I have found that although there are many opportunities to find your new “winter girlfriend” at your local watering hole.  Unfortunately, you don’t want to sh*t where you eat and when Spring eventually arrives; you may have to sacrifice your beloved hangout to avoid drama after you breakup.  Stick to other bars and pubs you are not familiar with to better your chances.

2. Avoid Gyms

The last place you want to find your hibernation partner is at a gym.  The whole point of finding a winter girlfriend is to find someone who you can be lazy with.  Getting with a woman who works out is counterproductive, since she will probably want you to look your best at all times.

3. Make Sure She Lives Further Away From You

I know what you’re thinking: Why would I want a hibernation girlfriend that lives far away from me?  Having your winter gal live far away from you gives you the perfect excuse to end things in the springtime.  You can give her the whole “long-distance doesn’t work me” speech.  It’s also good to have her live far away because it gives you enough space from each other so you don’t get attached to her.  She should be your weekend getaway. Plain and simple.

4. Avoid Drop Dead Gorgeous Gals

This is an extension of number two.  You want a winter gal who doesn’t care about appearances and is fairly low maintenance. If she is drop dead gorgeous, you run the risk of falling for her and being lured into a formal relationship.

5. Go For Taurus Gals

I’m not one for astrology, but I have noticed that Taurus women are laid back, lazy, sensual and homebodies.  All the qualities you need in a woman for your hibernation period.

6. Make Sure She Has The Same Tastes In Movies And Television as you

During your hibernating romance, you will most likely be watching a lot of television and movies, which is why it is essential to pick a girl that has the same tastes as you.  If you’re more of a David Lynch fan and she is only interested in watching Jersey Shore reruns, then it won’t work out.

7. Bonafide Stoner 

DVD box sets and ganja go hand in hand during your hibernation period and you know it.  If your girl is straightedge, it probably won’t work.

8. Hook Up With Her After The Holidays

You don’t want to worry about buying your winter girlfriend a present or introducing her to your family around Thanksgiving, which is why you should hold off on dating until after Christmas.  Sure, you may have to spend New Year’s with her, but at least you will save a ton of money by staying in for the night.

9. She Has To Have A Sexual Appetite That Matches Her Appetite For Food

Let’s face it: the next three to four months will require three essential things to get through the winter together.  Those things are TV, FOOD and SEX.  One does not go without the other.  You will need to burn those calories and you don’t want her to blame you for packing on the pounds after you break up with her in the spring.

10. Don’t Fall in Love

The winter is no time to fall in love.  This relationship should be comfortable and easy.  When you’re in a genuine relationship, you do fun and productive things with each other outside of the bedroom.  Falling for her during a hibernation relationship will only set you up for failure and possible heartbreak. You’ve been warned.

Here’s hoping you can find your hibernation girlfriend this winter!

To show the author, Jimmy Jacob, some love, tweet him @Personalsfacts AND visit his awesome dating tips blog at personalfacts.com NOW!

This past weekend I was honored to be the host/MC of Single in Stilettos where several of the New York’s sexaratti were present giving their best dating, sex and relationship advice. The singles education event was organized by the lovely NYC-based Matchmaker Suzanne Oshima. Suzanne’s objective was to give single women access to all the top leaders in the dating industry at one event.

What was covered by the experts? Everything from Bombshell 101 Lessons by the Dating Goddess herself, Abiola Abrams, to Orgasm talks by our very own Luscious Lifestyle Diva, Yolanda Shoshana and we discovered our Diamond Selves with Dr. Diana Kirschner. And not only was I the host/MC of the event where I spoke about my new book Your Dating DNA but  also gave two presentations:  ”The Ideal-Man Solution” and “How to Create the Perfect 1st date“.

Bethenny Frankel’s Skinny Girl Cocktails (twitter: @SkinnygirlCKTLS )was the main sponsor for the sexy event and they poured both Skinny Girl Sangria & Skinny Girl Margaritas which heightened the event’s sexy-factor! But Godiva Chocolates (twitter: @GodivaChoc) also worked sexy at the event by also being another luscious sponsor.

 The video below gives you a little taste of what went on.

Make sure to keep checking the Single in Stilettos website for future conference dates.

Who really revolutionized the world? According to Beyonce, “Who runs the world, Girls!” And according to everyone in technology, Steve Jobs, the brilliant creator of MAC and everything iPhone/iPods did.

But the world started way before iPhones and Beyonce and I’d like to think it really started way back then. So, according to a Gay, Adopted, Mexican Dating blogger–who do I credit for the way we do things today?

Watch to find out!