I go through stages when it comes to posting on social media. There are periods when I post daily on Twitter, like Trump, but I don’t talk about walls or target people’s “sadness” levels, it’s usually GIFS of reality stars shaking a finger saying things like, “Yaaaas!” or “Oh no he didn’t.” There are times when I suffer from platform fatigue and need a digital detox. You won’t see me for weeks except maybe on Snapchat. (Don’t judge) I believe our posting patterns ebb and flow, depending on what’s going on in your life. Got a new job? We know — you post updates every 3 minutes on how you love it there. Just had a baby? Oh, yeah, we’ve known since month 3! Got a puppy? MORE! SHOW ME MORE!
There are research studies linking Facebook to depression or is it depression to Facebook? In my time as a social media recruiter, blogger, and strategist — I’ve come across several types of people that certainly fall into one category or several that abuse and use social and we have grown to hate their posts. I’m proud to announce I’m five of the below and recovering from two. What Type of Social Media Poster Are You?
1. The Oversharer
Why We hate this social media poster: Going through a divorce? Of course you are and I even know what time your first session with your mediator is, hurry, cause you’re running late–stuck in traffic due to your Starbuck’s run. Should I know these things? No, because you’re not as interesting as you make yourself out to be. As I scroll down my feed, there they are–your posts giving me too much information. Sure, I try to quickly scroll down to avoid information on the new custody battle, but I’ve already caught a glimpse of how you’re feeling, what you’re wearing and what corresponding hashtag goes with your mood. The oversharer can share personal details, work wins/fails and everything in between. They just can’t keep anything to themselves. An oversharer feels they give us life. #NotTrue
2. The Bragger
Why We hate this social media poster: Did your boss just give your project a “thumbs ups” and pat you on your shoulder? Why yes, she did, and we know because you posted 3 snaps about it the instant it occurred…and added the Panda lens on them. I’m surprised you didn’t have your boss recreate the moment for a true-life capture! We all know the Bragger–most of their post start with “I” and end with “me.” This person’s post usually sounds like a Mariah Carey press release. They don’t play well with others and they see anyone else’s BIG WINS as a threat to their livelihood. #IDontKnowHer
3. The Stalker
Why We hate this social media poster: We all do a little of this. I’ll admit it. If I meet someone new, I’ll poke around their Instagram feed. Yes, I go all the way back. What? I want to see the progression! But The Stalker memorizes things about your life and if you meet IRL, they will regurgitate it back to you. They never comment or like your stuff–they just watch your every move–how else would they know your favorite instructor at Soul Cycle?. This person also takes screenshots of your stuff and shares it with others. The stalker can be a creeper. #GetMeOuttaHere
4. The Constant-Poster
Why We hate this social media poster: Don’t confuse this with the oversharer, because this person is just posting to post. Maybe it’s personal, could be about work, maybe it’s a meme, or the latest “Why we need the Obama’s back” article–but they are posting as if their lives depended on it. Their goal is to get likes and live virtually through the interwebs. We fear this person, they’re like Bill Cosby in a room full of woman and different colored pills. FYI: by the time you’ve read this far in my article–they will have already posted 35 new status updates. #GiveMeABreak
5. The New Pet Owner
Why We hate this social media poster: I officially fell into this role three years ago. And it was hard not to become the constant sharer, but I managed. New pet owners are posting everything from closeup shots of their cat’s ear to photos with captions that read, “Look how cute! Twinkle left three kibble bits in his bowl today!” You’ll get daily shots of Buster and his new bandana and updates on what Wanda the Wonder Beagle did with a toilet paper roll while you turned your back on them. If you’re lucky, they may break up their content into weekly themes and you’ll be blessed with seeing 63 photos of paws on “Fido’s Feet Week.” To them, it’s cute. To the dog, it’s pain. To us, it’s torture. #RescueUs
6. The New Parent
Why We hate this social media poster: Way to go, I thought your kid was cute–but after the 623th photo, I’ve started to notice one eye is askew. I’d have that checked out. We get it–it’s your child, but not every post has to revolve around them: it’s baby bottles forming an artistic pattern with an out of focus background, piles of diapers arranged into a tulip and let’s not mention bath time with 30 rubber duckies and suds surrounding your child’s butt. Your bundle of joy just turned into the object of my rejection. We know you’re proud, it says so on the shirt your child is wearing, but take a break from the baby. #WalkAwayNow
7. The Hashtag Addict
Why We hate this social media poster: Many of us use them, and for good reason, it matches the photo we just posted and we want to associate with the community of others posting with the same hashtag. But many people are creating hashtags that are crazier than Kayne West’s new hair color. And just like Mr. West’s locks, they don’t make sense. We know you’re at your cousin’s wedding, but #LoveBettysWeddingFlowers, really? Unless Beyonce decides to use it in her next baby announcement/flower photoshoot, it’s never going to trend! #StopTheMadness
8. The Recycler
Why We hate this social media poster: This person takes your posts and posts them as if they were the mastermind behind that witty pun or funny story you just posted–on the streets they call it “pulling a Melania.” They just stole the article you posted on The Miami Lawyer whose pants caught on fire while working an arson case, and and didn’t give you credit! Some recyclers are so socially inept that they hit “share” and forget that will show up on your timeline–in Facebook, at least. Oh? They’re taking your Instagram pics too? Heartless. Having this person as a follower/friend will surely have you thinking you’re experiencing high volumes of deja vu, but in reality, it’s just the recycler doing what they do best. #QuitTheCopying
9. The Troll
Why We hate this social media poster: These are the people that will see the negative in anything anyone posts and purposely voices the opposite sentiment you were trying to convey. And if you reply, you just gave them superpowers–because they live off of “Well, I don’t agree because…” Sometimes you don’t even know the troll–they just appeared out of nowhere–like pesky ear hair! Really? My post on bunions is getting you all worked up? And you know they’re going in for the kill when they revert to ALL CAPS to get their point across. #WhereDidYouComeFromCottonEyeJoe
10. The Vacationer
Why We hate this social media poster: We forgot this person even existed. They haven’t posted in months but all of a sudden a throng of pictures of them standing next to an elephant wearing a flower band around its head are coming in quicker that a Nicki Minaj clapback. We wouldn’t necessarily mind, but they’re getting the math wrong. “If I haven’t posted in 6 months, that means if everyone else is posting 2 posts a day and I multiply that by the 6 months I was gone–I can post 8 million pics an hour.” No. That’s not how it works. SLOW DOWN. #StopDropAndRoll
11. The Service Offerer
Why We hate this social media poster: If it’s got hair on it — they’ll do something with it: trim it, color it, or style it. Other’s sell products guaranteed to slim you down to anorexic status while curing your cancer–promising your love life will improve if you’re still alive by phase three. Every post is either ‘It’s on sale,” or “Here’s a coupon” or memes of fat people saying witty things like, “I want to look human but have you heard of tacos?” At first you support them but it’s a trap because once they get a few likes–it only encourages their behavior–and they won’t stop, like Angelina Jolie adopting children. #WeAreOverIt
12. The Liker
Why We hate this social media poster: This person is harmless and don’t post much; they only go around liking things. These could be moms, aunts, or older cousins in prison who have been allowed computer privileges. There’s no reason to not like “The Likers” except every once in a while you’d enjoy a comment from them but they’re too shy. At certain times, the like doesn’t make sense–making you annoyed. My post on Unregulated Wig Practices in Thailand, do you “like” the injustice or does your “like“ mean you agree with me? #IDon’tGetIt
13. The Attention Seeker.
Why We hate this social media poster: This person can either be about the vague status updates, “I knew this would happen” or “Wow, so sad.” On the other side of the spectrum we have the ones that will tell you exactly what’s going on: someone microwaved fish at work and they are besides themselves or an odd rant about their sister being the favorite because she gets to eat the prettiest hot dog at dinner. Excuse me? The attention seeker’s only cure will be the showering of comments and “likes” they receive. “What happened?” or “It will be okay!” or “Trust in God, friend, if he fixed Britney, he can certainly help you!” But watch out– it’s been 30 minutes and they only have 4 comments and 6 likes? Oh, get ready, another status will be up in no time! #ReallyYouNeedToStop
Did I miss any? Which new ones have you come across? Are you a person we hate on social media? Leave a comment and let’s discuss!