My Husband is Always Checking out Gay Guys
If you’re a straight woman and your husband is always checking out gay guys, and it bothers you–you might have a problem on your hands. But first, let’s lay down some foundation before we all jump to conclusions. Because of rigid defined stereotypes of what masculinity is and what it should look like, men are lumped into a space where complimenting another man on clothes, style or looks is out of the norm. The first thought is, “He must be gay.” But the reality is with the huge metrosexual craze finally dying down and the lumbersexual phase being ushered out, maybe we’ve gotten to a point where it’s okay to check guys out? We know that sexuality is fluid and not 100% one way or the other.
Dangerous stereotypes for men are: they must be strong, not cry, fix flat tires, want sex more than women do, and never check another guy out, are getting distorted with time as more men are manly enough to admit they have a feminine side and are openly embracing it- cue in the Hispters. There was a time when piercing your ear was considered gay, imagine the confusion when men starting piecing both ears?
Does he watch gay porn? A psychotherapist named, Joe Kort, who treats both gay and straight couples at his practice–concludes that men watch gay porn because looking at another man is a no-no, and touching another man is taboo, so porn gives them permission.
Is My Husband…
In the US, of all Google searches that begin with “Is my husband…,” the most common word to follow is “gay.” “Gay” is 10% more common in these searches than “cheating.” It’s 8 times more common than “an alcoholic” and 10 times more common than “depressed.” Another interesting fact is that the states with the highest percentage of women asking this question are South Carolina and Louisiana. Did you know that in 21 of the 25 states where this question is most frequently asked, support for gay marriage is lower than the national average?
Amity Buxton of the Straight Spouse Network, claims: “When the gay, lesbian, or bisexual spouse comes out, a third of the couples break up immediately; another third stay together for one to two years, sorting out what to do and then divorce; the remaining third try to make their marriages work.”
But you’re not here because your guy did it once or maybe twice, this is a pattern and you’re concerned, so let’s tackle the issue. This is no time to swallow your pride. If you’re husband is checking out gay guys, you will first have to ask yourself, “What if he’s gay?” Do you want to pull the plug on the marriage or will the embarrassment of it all “coming out” kill you? If he is gay, is he being safe? What does his mean for your personal safety and health?
You’re going to have to ask him and figure out what your next step is. In your gut, you already know despite what he answers. He may lie and say you’re crazy and then change his behavior to be extra careful when you’re around, but if your gut is telling you otherwise, you have your answer. Regardless, get yourself tested for STDs, have a plan of action, and an exit strategy if you plan to leave.