How My Gay Best Friend Made Me a Better Girl

Mardi Gras flightToday we have Coyote Rose from Dancing on the Bar of Life to thank for our guest post. She really let loose to give us a personal story about a girl and her Gay Best Friend. G-Fab sounds amazing Coyote Rose, thank God for Gays, right?

Enjoy!

My first thought when I met my (Gay) Best friend was “Who is this guy and why is he hugging me?” I had serious personal space issues at the time. I met Geoph the Fabulous (G-Fab for short) when I was a junior in college way back in December of 2004. I had just got hired to work as an RA in a residence hall and I was coming out of my new boss’s office and there he was in his 6’2 blonde haired glory. I can’t remember what he was wearing but i’m pretty sure it was black pants and a brightly colored button down shirt. Anyways, our boss introduces us and G-Fab just comes and hugs me. Weird, right?

Pretty much from that moment on we were inseparable. G-Fab loves to regale people with the tale of what I was like before he got ahold of me. I was pretty much only friends with bat-shit crazy bitches. You know the kind that whore themselves out to any guy that will pay attention, and then break the windows of said guy’s car when he hooks up with some other whore. Anyways, according to G-Fab i only owned three skirts, all of which showed my ass, and one dress that only a baby-prostitute would wear. It was pretty awful in retrospect: It was skin-tight and leopard print. For the record, i bought it for a Halloween costume so getoffme. G-Fab, neglects to mention that i owned like 6 pairs of heels when he met me. I wasn’t a total loss as a girl, okay?

Anyways, having G-Fab as a bestie has been one of the best decisions i made in my life. The boy has no problem telling me when i have jacked something up, or when i am overthinking, or when i look like shit. He swung by my dorm room one night as we were going out to Steak and Shake or someplace, G-Fab took one look at what i was wearing and told me to go back inside and change because “he could not be seen out with anyone in that bad of an outfit.” It wasn’t that i didn’t have style before him, i just didn’t have anyone to stop me from making bad decisions.

In all seriousness, G-Fab has been a life changer. He makes me look fabulous. He gets me drunk at all the appropriate times. He listens to me bitch about whores and coworkers. He tells me when i being a complete idiot with a guy, which is a lot. I’m always asking G-fab if some guy is interested in me or not, or if I’m just being a dumbass. To which G-Fab always gives me the same advice: “Will you just suck his dick and get it over with already? Also, tell me how big it is.” Some guys i have dated have been a little weirded out by G-Fab, but those boys don’t last. G-Fab is my soulmate, and i can replace those boyfriends with a vibrator. Having G-Fab gave me confidence, which i had been sorely lacking before. He doesn’t let me settle for guys who treat me bad. He doesn’t let me go out of the house looking like crap (cause its not aptitude, its the way you’re viewed). He made me realize that being a little bit girly isn’t going to hurt anything and it certainly isn’t going to make guys think i’m not capable of kicking-ass and taking names.

G-Fab gets stuff from me too. I’ve explained football rules to him like 10 times. I always go shoe shopping with him (women’s shoes for him, not me). I cook, refinish coffee tables and look under the hood of his car (which does not mean that i can actually fix it). I tell him that the guys he dates aren’t good enough for him, which has been true for all 800 of them, up until this most recent one. The new boy i like and i’d better since they are engaged and shit.
Which doesn’t mean we are perfect. He’s a hypochondriac, and I’m anal-retentive with anxiety problems. I swear we are going to be 85 in a nursing home together trying to one up each other’s medical ailments. But hell if we aren’t going to have fun doing it. But i’m not getting rid of my leopard print shoes!

And don’t for get to check out Tiffani Thiessen and Nandoism’s Rules on Picking Your Gay Best Friend video.

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