After dating someone and finally realizing they’re not the one for you, you either dump them or they dump you. It’s just the way of the dating game and after days, months, even years of getting over them–you move on and find yourself dating a new shiny person. You compare the new and the old, it’s only humanly natural. Love is like shopping for artichokes at Trader Joe’s; you want to make sure you’re getting a whole heart in the one you choose. You take it slow–not wanting to make the same mistakes–and then poof, one day you realize you’re in a new relationship. You share laughs, thoughts, you even share toothpaste, and after six months of being with this new person–it happens…you’re old relationship-person e-mails you to see how you’re doing. Do you respond? Ignore it? Should you delete the e-mail from your exes?
This happened to both me and my boyfriend, Santiago, this past week. His ex, the one before me, e-mailed him with a casual conversational tone mixed in some humor, a compliment, and a “good job on your new photography career.” I was e-mailed with less of a fanfare but ended with a “coffee, soon?” We were both amazed at how synchronized their messages were, as if both exes were following some sort of manual, the “How to Screw with Your Exes Mind” manual which clearly states that contacting them six months after they’re in a new relationship is mandatory. Santiago’s been out of that relationship for three years, and me, well it’s been one year–but the bigger question was–what do we do with the e-mails?
I have nothing to hide, so I left mine, besides, on the iPhone, I haven’t figured out how to delete an actual message on the Facebook app, that’s how I was contacted. Santiago, on the other hand, was contacted through e-mail; which he deleted. And the reason he deleted it was that he wants nothing to do with this person. But would someone else deleting an e-mail be hiding something? Did this mean they were guilty of a love-crime? As I thought about our situation, I couldn’t help but wonder, “After spending so much time trying to get over someone, and figuring out what went wrong, do you respond to their inquires and start a new friendship? And whatever you decide, what do you do with the e-mail? Do you keep it as a reminder, a battle scar of what you’ve been through or do you trash it on your phone and/or computer but also empty the recycle bin in your heart? ”
Do you keep e-mails that your exes send you? Leave a comment.
I usually reply.. well unless like Santiago, I’ve got good reason to avoid them like the plague. I’m friends or friendly with a lot of my ex’s.. its just how I roll. But I do make it clear that I’m happily in a relationship when I do reply, and usually.. unless I have a brain fart, let my current partner know of the new interaction.
.-= Maruska Morena´s last blog ..The Fool Foiled Again =-.
I am also friends with all my exes, well–except for this one–but it’s because not enough time has passed. Santiago and I spent an entire Saturday with another one of my exes, last weekend, and it was fun. I wonder when that transition happens, it’s easy to be friends with an ex when you’re single, but if you’re not already friends when you’re dating someone new–and it’s serious–how do you start that process?
The real test here isn’t whether or not you reply. It’s whether or not you tell your mate. The fact that you told him, and he told you, speaks more about the relationship you two have than the ones you had with your individual exes. Him deleting his, I don’t think, is a sign of hiding something. I think he just had no use for the ex anymore.
All of my emails are automatically saved. And I have so done that sit at your laptop with a glass of wine and read through old emails. Sad. Brothers and Sadsters. Crime Sadster Investigation. I think we do it to punish ourselves because we think we did something wrong to cause that person to reject us.
.-= Christan´s last blog ..How Do You Define Relationship =-.
You have an excellent point–it’s the communication part that speaks volume. And you know, this sparks up a new topic, we do we punish ourselves? Oy! Thanks for the brilliant comment!
I’m friends with most of my exes and don’t really have anything to hide. Some I’m friends with very casually over email / msn / gtalk / skype; and some I still meet with every now and then if we are in the same city/country. Most of my long-term boyfs are aware that I am still in touch with exs and I don’t have an issue with them being in touch with theirs either.
I normally don’t delete anything unless I really don’t want to have any sort of reminder of the past; however I have blocked and cut all contact with one ex .. he doesn’t deserve even 0.01% of me in his life.
.-= Dazediva´s last blog ..Music Mondays 13 Taio Cruz – Break Your Heart =-.
I’m also friends with exes, but I wonder–when do you know when it’s time to let them back in “as a friend”? Thoughts?
Just re-read this post, it was great then and even better now
There’s casual friends and then there is ‘friends’ .. most ex’s can become casual friends especially if you weren’t dating them for more than a few weeks / under 3 months .. An ex I was with for almost 2 years; it took us another 2+ years before we even started communicating with each other again via FB.
Only ‘time’ can really tell when its ‘time’ to let an ex back in as a friend .. there’s nothing set in stone right ?
Well,
I have a sick sense of humor, or that is just how I cope– I keep the email, joke about it with my friends… then have it for later analyzation and self-torture. Doesn’t everyone??
And yes, they always know just the right time to mess with you. Never want you want to hear from them, just after you are over them… It’s that time you reconsider, did I mention self-torture?
I think deleting is actually pretty bold. I think it is a statement, Over It. I like it. I may try it.
Torture/Punish–that seems to me the common theme in keeping the e-mails, from what I understand. Hmmmm? So, what’cha gonna do?
That’s the way dating life is. You’re either friends with your ex or you try to get rid of all traces of your ex.
True, it’s one or the other–question, so how do you know if you’re ready to be “friends” with an ex?